Rolling In The Deep
by TiramiSue84
Summary: **** On temp. HIATUS**** Bella and Edward used to be in love, but then everything changed. What if the fairy tale has gone bad? Full summary inside. Canon couples, AH, OOC
1. Prologue

_**A/N: Aloha^^ This is the prologue chapter of my first multi-chapter story. **_

_**The story was inspired by the song "Rolling in the Deep" by the fantastic Adele! If you don't know the song- go check it out! I guess I have to give a little warning, since there will be a lot of cursing, if you don't like f-bombs and whatnots, you may don't want to read this! ^^**_

_**Full summary:**_**_It sounds like some kind of fairy tale: girl meets boy and they fall deeply in love with each other. She comes from a hard working family, he was born with the silver spoon. She loved him unconditionally and he promised her the world. Together they make plans for their future, happily ever after included._**

**_But what if the fairy tale turns bad? What if, instead of the evil step-mother our female protagonist has to face her prince's evil family? What if the prince was cursed and turned into someone else? What if said prince can´t keep his promise and instead of the world, he gives her pain and heartbreak? Will they still have their HEA?_**

_**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight- I just like to play with her characters! Adele owns the song and lyrics to "Rolling in the Deep"! This storyline, however, is mine!**_

_**Special thanks go out to furius kitten and remylebeauishot from PTB for beta'ing this for me!**_

**_I hope you have fun reading this! You may not like all the characters, though..._**

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><p><strong>ROLLING IN THE DEEP<strong>

_**There's a fire starting in my heart**_

_**reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark**_

_**Finally I can see you crystal clear**_

_**go ahead and sell me out **_

_**and I'll lay your sheet bare**_

_**See how I leave with every peace of you **_

_**don't underestimate the things that I will do**_

_**There's a fire starting in my heart**_

_**reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark**_

_**The scars of your love remind me of us**_

_**they keep me thinking that we almost had it all **_

_**The scars of your love, they leave me breathless**_

_**I can't help feeling**_

_**We could have had it all**_

_**rolling in the deep**_

_**(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)**_

_**You had my heart inside of your hand**_

_**and you played it to the beat**_

_**(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)**_

_**Baby I have no story to be told**_

_**but I've heard one of you**_

_**and I'm gonna make your head burn**_

_**Think of me in the depths of your despair**_

_**making a home down there**_

_**as mine sure won´t be shared**_

_**The scars of your love remind me of us**_

_**they keep me thinking that we almost had it all**_

_**The scars of your love, they leave me breathless**_

_**I can't help feeling**_

_**We could have had it all **_

_**rolling in the deep**_

_**(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)**_

_**You had my heart inside of your hand **_

_**(You're gonna wish you never had met me)**_

_**and you played it to the beat**_

_**(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)**_

_**Throw your soul through every open door**_

_**count your blessings to find what you look for**_

_**Turn my sorrow into treasured gold**_

_**you pay me back in kind**_

_**and reap just what you sow**_

_**We could have had it all...**_

**Adele- Rolling in the Deep**

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><p><em><strong>Prologue<strong>_

_**Bella**_

As I stood there, in a far too small place for way too many people, people I hadn't had to see for so many years, I felt like I was going to explode any minute. My breathing was heavy, the adrenalin was pumping almost violently through my veins, and my heart beat way too fast. I could feel that I had started to sweat slightly from the exertion of holding myself back.

My hands were balled to fists; my teeth ground against each other almost painfully. With every second that passed, it got harder and harder to not lash out. _Again. _

I knew that "hate" was a strong word and I was not a person to use such a word lightly- without actually meaning it- but I could safely say that I hated every single person in that room; except maybe for the two people I just met and myself. I was disappointed with myself for being a naïve girl that once believed in fairy tales, but I did not hate myself.

They kept staring at me just like I kept staring at them.

Out of all the faces of the people that I despised and hated, one in particular stood out. I'd tried my best to avoid looking at him again, but my eyes seemed to have a mind of their own. I took another glance at the rather uncomfortable-appearing people present, but then my eyes settled on the one person that had almost destroyed me.

I should have known better.

My body´s inner riot increased tenfold, making the pain and anger practically unbearable. Tears were forming in my eyes, and I definitely hated myself for _that,_ for showing weakness in front of the bloodhounds. But this time, unlike all the other times before when I cried from hurt, disappointment, betrayal or down right pain, this time I cried from fury.

Everything, even all the memories and emotions I managed to choke down earlier, were ripping through my body at once, causing me to almost cry out from the overwhelming pain. And _he_ was the one to blame. All the pain caused by _the others_ paled in contrast to the pain and heartbreak that he had brought upon me.

My body shook from my attempt to not lash out, or worse, to break down. But I knew it was only a matter of time. There's only so much a person could take, and right then, I was one wrong word, movement, or glance short away from seeing red.

The tension was palpable, and everybody seemed to feel it, too. Everybody but one.

"Bella..." he whispered softly and somewhat confused.

And that single word was enough for me to snap...

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><p><em><strong>Soo, what do you think?<strong>_

**_Thanks for reading!_**

**_~Sue_**


	2. Two Nightmares In Ten Minutes

**_A/N: _**

**_Thanks so much for all the reviews. =)_**

**_ And also, special thanks to the ladies from PTB, especially Erin and thompsona for beta'ing this for me._**

**Updated/edited: 01/10/2012**

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><p><strong>Late November 2010, Portland, Oregon<strong>

**Bella**

_Crap. Shit. Fuck. C'mon...Shit!_

You know what the problem with big purses was? Well, the bigger the purse, the more superfluous stuff one could carry around in it.

My cell kept on buzzing, but I just couldn't find it in the depths of my favorite black purse; the one that I usually used when I went shopping. Realizing that I needed both hands to dig through all the essential rubbish, I let go of the small hand I was holding for a moment and continued searching.

Of course, once I found the damn phone, it had stopped buzzing. _Figures... _Sighing, I checked the display and saw that my Dad was the caller._ Hmpf..._

I blindly held my hand back out for Josie to grab, while I pushed the button on my phone to call Charlie back. As I waited for him to pick up the phone, I turned my head to the side to check on my little girl next to me.

But she wasn't there.

I quickly looked to the other side, but she wasn't there either. Still holding the phone to my ear, I turned my body around towards the main entrance of the _Lloyd Center Mall_ we had just came in through.

Nothing. _No! _

Turning back around, I punched the end call button on my cell. I let my eyes roam over the stairs and escalators, the different shops and people there on the first floor. But there were too many of them, and they were blocking any opportunity for me to make out her little form.

My heartbeat increased its rhythm as different scenarios - one worse than the other - ran through my head.

NO! I will not think like that!

_She probably was mesmerized by all the blinking lights and Christmas decorations, and wanted to take a closer look. Or _she wastaken_...No! No, no, no. Please, no!_

Panic settled in, and it got harder and harder for me to breathe.

_She was fine. Nothing bad happened...she just got carried away... She was fine...my baby girl was fine..._

I kept on chanting in my head, trying to calm myself down while I ran around the first floor. "Josie!" People were staring at me, but I couldn't care less about them. I just continued calling her name, trying my hardest not to cry or break down before I had her back in my arms.

"Josephine Swan!" I called out again, while looking around frantically.

_Dark hair, same height, green coat -that's not her! Dark hair - no, that's a boy! Blonde...blonde...boy. Dark hair...black coat, purple tights, denim skirt...Josie!_

I all but sprinted over to where she was standing, bumping into people while doing so, but again, I couldn't find it in myself to care. I closed the distance between us and dropped to my knees as soon as I reached her. Without hesitation, I pulled her into my arms and held her as close as I could without crushing her bones.

I repeatedly chanted her name as my tears finally spilled over. After a few more moments with her in my arms I was able to calm myself down. Pulling back a bit and cradled her little face in my hands instead.

"Baby...you cannot walk away like that from me, not ever again! You had Mommy worried so much. I didn't know where you were. Don´t ever do that again, bunny!" I said gently, yet with a firm tone.

She sniffled a bit and her bottom lip quivering. "Sowwy, Mommy".

I sobbed and pulled her back into my arms, kissing her head over and over again as I slowly stood back up. While doing so, I could see that there was a person standing close to us. Though I could ignore the other patron's stares while I was searching for my baby, all of a sudden I had this urge to explain what had just happened.

"I-I just let go of her hand for one second to dig for my phone and then she was go-" My ability to speak was cut off as soon as I took a closer look at said person.

_No, this cannot be...that isn't possible! Not now... _

"Isabella? Isabella Swan?" The deep, male voice asked, clearly just as surprised, but less panicked than I was.

_This cannot happen. After all these years...I can't face him. He mustn't know! _ I tightened my hold on the little form in my arms, protecting her just as much as myself.

"Isabella..." he said again while taking a small step closer to me. _Flee! _My self-preservation instinct kicked in, and I turned around to walk away from the man - the danger - as fast as I could manage.

It was naïve of me to think that his long legs couldn't keep up with my own.

As soon as I felt his hand on my arm, I froze again. I tried to brace myself for whatever was to come, while he stepped in front of me. I was mortified and didn't know what to do. Trying to walk away again was useless since he would have no problem at all to keeping up with me again, but I couldn't just stay there in his presence either. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!_

I don't know how long we stood there without saying a word and just looking at each other. It certainly felt like long, excruciating hours for me, but it probably was only a few minutes in reality.

He looked all business-like: black suit jacket, slacks and tie, white button-up shirt underneath it. Shiny, black leather shoes on his feet and briefcase in hand. Without having much knowledge about brands or high-class garments, I could still tell that the whole outfit must have cost a fortune. _Well, for mere mortals like myself, at least. _I also noticed that he appeared even broader and more muscular than he already was when I last saw him. His face, on the other hand, was just as youthful and kind as it was before. _He couldn't fool me though. I knew better than to fall for it._

I was brought out of my musings, when I felt my little angel turning slightly in my arms, facing the man in front of us instead of burying her pretty face in the crook of my neck. I sighed, if he didn't know before, it sure as hell was only a matter of seconds before he did. _Fuck!_

_And there it was_.

His eyes widened as he repeatedly looked from me to Josie. I felt like crying yet again, and it was getting hard for me to breathe, but I forced myself to keep the tears at bay. I needed to get out, but I knew he wouldn't let me go easily now.

I inhaled deeply. "What do you want, Emmett?" I asked as calmly as I could.

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><p><strong><em>Hope you guys liked the chapter! I would love to hear your thoughts now... =)<em>**

_**~Sue**_


	3. Strained

**A/N Thanks go out to the peeps from PTB, especially itsange and Madmum for beta'ing this for me!**

**(Edited 06/01/2012)**

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><p><em>His eyes widened a bit as he repeatedly looked from me to Josie. I felt like crying as it was hard for me to breathe yet again, but I forced myself to keep the tears at bay. I needed to get out but I know he wouldn't let me go easily now.<em>

_"What do you want, Emmett?" I asked as calmly as I could._

**_**Bella **_**

His eyes remained on my little girl as he answered." So, um...how are you?" _You've got to be fucking kidding me! _

I chuckled humorlessly. "Really, Emmett? You ask me how I am? You reckon that this is actually the first time that you've asked me that question? Seven years ago, I was lucky to get so much as a nod of your head or a 'Hello' on a good day from you, and now, after five years of nothing, this is the best thing you can come up with?" It took everything I had in me not to yell these words in his face, but I knew this would scare my daughter, so I didn't.

His eyes widened even more at my little outburst. It is safe to say that he never expected me to speak like that to him or anyone for that matter, since I was always shy and polite back then, but then again, he never paid too much attention to me, and on top of that, there are a lot of things he doesn't know about me.

__Well, he just learned way more than I wanted him to...__

He scratched his neck. "I guess so. Listen, um...would you like to go somewhere and have a coffee with me?"

"No"

"It doesn't have to be coffee...we could have a late lunch..or well, an early dinner...or maybe just get the little girl some ice cream!", he tried again. At his last words, Josie's head jerked up causing him to smirk lightly. _You little conniving shit!_

"I really don't think that would be a good idea. I have stuff to do, and it's getting late... we better head home now," I started but then a little voice chimed in "But Mommy, I like ice cweam ...and you wansted to buy a hat for Pa!"

"Bunny, we have some ice cream at home, you can have that for dessert, and Grandpa's present for Christmas we have to buy another day, okay?", I said to her as I stroked her cheek my lame attempt of convincing her to leave. I knew it was most likely a fruitless effort.

"But Mommy..." She pouted and brought her hand to my face, copying my movements on her own cheek. I turned my head slightly to the side and kissed the palm of her little hand, causing her to giggle, then I looked over her head to Emmett. "You've got as long as she needs to eat her treat."

"Fair enough", he said and then followed behind me as I walked to the ice cream parlor.

We sat at a small table, Emmett and me opposite from each other with Josie in a chair at the side of said table. _God, this is awkward... _None of us was speaking, Josie was obliviously enjoying chocolate ice-cream while the adults either watched her doing so or looked everywhere else but at each other. _Well, at __least I'm not the only at loss here...must be a first for a Cullen, though..._

"So, what brings you to Portland?" I asked in a lame attempt to start a conversation.

"Uh, mostly business," he answered with his eyes again set on my little girl._ Great, first he almost begs me to spend time with him and now he ignores me? Oh well, I guess some things never change. Though he never asked me to spend time with him before. Another first for him..._

" So, her name is Josie?" he asked and finally looked up to me.

"Actually, it's Josephine, but we call her Josie or Jo most of the time" I explained. I think I saw the corner of his mouth twitch for a second, but I could have been wrong.

"How old is she?"

I was about to answer him, but Josie beat me to it: holding the hand that was closest to him up in his face with all of her little fingers pointing out, she proudly showed him how old she was.

This time I was sure I saw his mouth twitch in amusement.

"Really, you are five years old already? he asked her with a quick sideways glance to me as if to check if she was telling the truth.

I couldn't help myself but smile. "Not quite yet, her birthday is still a few more days away." I reached out and stroked her soft hair. "December tenth to be exact," Josie turned towards me and offered me some of her cold goodness, which I gladly accepted.

Then she did something that really surprised me as she's usually more shy around strangers, she turned again and held out her cone for Emmett to have some as well. He gave her a small smile but declined. Tentatively, he reached one hand out and stroked his pointer finger carefully over her cheek. This simple gesture almost melted my heart, and for a fraction of a second, I wondered if the decision I made all those years ago was right.

"Does he know?"

And just like that, the time to wonder was over.

"No." My voice was merely above a whisper.

"Why not? He has a right to know!", he said and I could tell that he was trying to sound calm for Josie's sake. But I could tell that the moment of tenderness was gone.

I had to hold on to the table top to restrain myself from jumping out of the seat I was sitting in."No, he doesn't, he has no right whatsoever!"

"Yes he does! And every child has the right to know their fa-"

"Don't!" I cut him off before he could finish the last word. "Josie doesn't need him! We don't need him or anyone for that matter besides our family! And I can guarantee you, that my family is perfectly fine how it is!" It was getting harder and harder to hold back now. I chanced a glance at Josie and was glad to see that she had finished the ice cream. I grabbed a napkin and cleaned her mouth and hands and then helped her with her scarf and coat before putting on my own. _I knew this was a mistake! How dare he tell me what was best for my child!_

"You may be selfish enough to keep something like that to yourself, but don't think for one second that I won't tell him about her!"

__Oh no he didn't!__

"Selfish? Me? You better look up the meaning of words before you use them randomly, you jerk! Out of all the people we both know, I am the last one you can call selfish! And if your head wasn't so far up your own a- _tush_, just like the rest of your beloved family, you'd know that, too!", by the time I was finished, my purse was back hanging from my shoulder and Josie was back in my arms. "Say goodbye, Bunny!"

"Bye," she said to him over my shoulder while I was already on my way out.

**Emmett**

_What the fuck just happened?_

I watched as the little Josie got carried away by her mother, Isabella Swan. Little, conniving and gold- digging Isabella Swan was a mother and there was no doubt in my mind about who the father was.

I rubbed my palms over my face, trying to wrap my mind around everything that happened and was revealed in the last thirty minutes.

Fishing my phone out of a pocket I noticed that I only had a few hours left before I had to be at the airport to catch my flight. I dialed the number I needed while making my way out of the mall. It rang a few times before the all too familiar voice answered.

"Cullen."

"Father I need to talk to you about something, and it's pretty important. Is this a good time?"

"Emmet son, how are you? How did the meeting go? I actually do have some time spare right now, so what is it you need to talk about?"

"You wouldn't believe what just happened. You actually may wanna sit down for this...

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><p><strong>So, that was chapter 2...What do you think?<strong>

**Thanks for giving this a try! Now, I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

**-Sue xx**


	4. Telephone Calls

**Many thanks go out to LoriAnnTwiFan and NinaQ of PTB for working through my mess.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 (Telephone calls)<strong>

**Bella **

I pressed my lips softly against my little angel's forehead and then stepped away from her sleeping form. I placed the book I just finished reading to her back in it's place on the shelf and then went to leave her room. I turned the light off but left the door slightly ajar for her, I walked down the little hallway, passed our bathroom and my own bedroom door and turned left into the kitchen to clean up some.

When that was done, I made myself a cup of tea and went over into the living. I sat down on the couch and grabbed my phone.

"Charles Swan speaking", he answered after the third ring.

"Hey Dad," I said as lightly as possible, but my voice was shaky.

"Kiddo? Are you alright?" Of course he saw right through it.

"Yea...no. I don't know! Something...happened today." My breathing was getting heavy, and I tried to will away the tears forming in my eyes.

"What happened? Are you okay? Is Josie alright?" my usually calm cop of a father asked worriedly.

"Dad, we are fine...for now. I-I met somebody at the mall today. One of _them_..." I trailed of at the end, awaiting his reaction. We both knew who was meant by 'them', so any further explanation wasn't necessary.

I waited for him to say something and wiped the one escaped tear from my face. Two minutes later, he still hadn't said a word. "Dad, are you still there?"

"Yea, I´m here kiddo! I just...needed a minute, I think. Which one of them was it?"

"Emmett"

My father exhaled loudly, probably relieved that it wasn't someone else. We both knew it could have been so much worse.

"What happened?", he asked again.

"We...ugh...kind of bumped into each other", I wasn't in the mood for a lecture from the chief, so I stretched the truth a little bit, "and well, as soon as he saw Josie-"

"She was with you? He saw her?", he interrupted me frantically and far too loud for my liking. I sighed.

"Yes dad, she was with me. So yea, um...he asked me to join him for a coffee, and I really didn't want to go but then the prick mentioned ice cream, so of course Josie was all game... I don't know, I was irritated and shocked...and well...I don't know what..." I sighed again," In a nutshell, Josie had her ice-cream and for a few minutes it was actually fine, but then..."

"Then what, Isabella?" he interrupted me yet again.

"Then he started asking questions!" my voice was harsh as I answered him.

"Isabella Marie, don't make me come over there! What kind of questions?" _Great, now he was really pissed._

"He asked me if _he_ knew about her, and when I said no he asked if I had any intention of telling him in the future, and well, after that we kind of, um,...had a little disagreement, and then I left. "

"Son of a bitch!" he yelled angrily, and I heard something crash to a wall or the floor in the background, causing me to flinch slightly in my seat.

Silence.

"Dad? You okay?" I asked tentatively. The last time I had to witness an outburst like this—and yes, for my father this is actually an outburst—he had slammed his fist repeatedly against the wall in my aunt's kitchen. That was the day I told him I got knocked up by my ex-boyfriend-slash-almost fiancè.

"Yea, sorry, kiddo! Do you- do you think he noticed?"

I chuckled humorlessly. "Well, it's kind of obvious, isn't it? Anybody unable to make the connection has to be really dense."

"The eyes." It was his turn to sigh then. "Dammit all to hell! Bet that son of a gun already informed his whole precious family of self-righteous pricks!"

"That's pretty much what he said he would do." I could feel the moisture forming in my eyes again.

"Motherfucker!" To say that I was shocked to hear Charlie cursing like that would have been an understatement. It was rare for him to curse at all, but it happened. Never in all my twenty-four years, have I heard him use that word, though.

There was another pause in our conversation, but instead of silence I could some mumbling in the background this time.

"I'm sorry baby girl, but I've got to go. The station just called; they need me down at the diner." He paused for a beat. "Listen, I know that you don't like to come down here, but if you need me, just call. I can take a few days off and drive up to Portland in a heartbeat, okay? Just say the word and I'm there. I'll call you tomorrow, and then we can talk some more, yea? Probably around the same time. Take care and give Bunny a kiss from me in the morning, will ya?"

"Okay, Dad. You take care too. And you make sure you give Sue a few kisses from us as well! I love you!"

"Love you! Bye." With that the line was dead.

**Carlisle**

I was pacing in my home office, fuming and waiting for that useless _employee_ to pick up his damn phone.

"Jonathan Jenks speaking," he finally answered. _About damn time!_

"Jenks! Carlisle Cullen here," I barked into the phone while I refilled my glass with scotch.

"Oh, Mr. Cullen, what a pleasure! How are you, sir? How is the family?"

"Cut that, I don't have the time for your poor attempts to ingratiate yourself with me! I need your service. I don't care what else you are working on right now—drop it! This job will be your priority! I want you to find anything and everything you can about one Isabella Marie Swan, resident in Portland, Oregon...

_**One week later**_

**Bella**

I couldn't sleep.

Ever since my encounter with Emmett and the conversation with my dad one week ago, sleep was avoiding me. It started off with me waking up a few times the first two nights after reliving the most painful memories in my sleep. As the days passed, the times I spent awake became longer and longer. Tonight was the first night, though, I couldn't close my eyes for one second before the flashbacks started.

And I needed sleep so badly.

The constant worry about what was might to come, how the Cullen-clan would react, what they'd do after Emmett shared with them what he saw, what he found out, coupled with the fact that I accused myself for not handling the situation better and the lack of sleep, it really was wearing me down. The bags under my eyes were more than obvious, and my mood was really bad most of the time now.

I rolled around some more in my bed, but eventually gave up. Sighing, I switched the bedside lamp on and, left the warmth of my bed for a second to grab my laptop from the desk and then snuggled back into my pillows and blanket as quickly as I could.

Once my lappi was booted up, I checked my emails, since I hadn't had the time to do so earlier, and noticed that I had a new one from Jacob. I instantly had to smile.

Jacob Black was my oldest and probably dearest friend. We pretty much grew up together, even though he lived down at the rez in La Push, a few miles away from Forks, the podunk town I grew up in. Our parents were really close and would often visit each other. Therefore, it was inevitable for us to hang out and eventually become friends, even though he was two years younger than me.

There were no secrets between us; we shared everything with each other: the good, the bad and the ugly. I held him in my arms after his mom passed away from breast cancer, and in return, he let me cry against his shoulder when my mom left my dad and me behind to start a new life. He even passed on the chance to earn some much-needed money when my heart was broken and shattered into pieces and comforted me instead.

Jacob was my own personal hero, only in second place though, since Charlie will always be my number one.

Unfortunately, Jake's mail didn't keep me busy for long. He asked how I was and said that Charlie told him about what had happened at the mall. He, too, told me that he would be there for me in a heartbeat if I needed him, and reminded me that we would see each other on Josie's birthday. He also sent me a newly taken picture of him, his father Billy, his fiancèe Leah Clearwater and her younger brother Seth.

Leah and Seth were Sue Clearwater's kids. Sue and my Dad had been daring for almost two years now, but I know that Charlie is going to ask her to marry him soon. I actually can't wait for that to happen. I've always wanted siblings, and Jake and I would be related in some way, too.

I quickly wrote him a few lines in return and was then left with nothing else to do. At 2:30 in the morning._ Fucking A._

I read five chapters of the fan fiction I was currently reading, but I stopped that once my concentration wavered so badly that I read the same sentences over and over again without actually processing what I was reading. I was about to shut the laptop down again, when I remembered that I never looked for a new fishing hat I wanted to give Charlie as one of his Christmas presents.

I pulled up Google, but after I stared at the screen for ten minutes, what I looked up in the end had absolutely nothing to do with fishing.

I typed two words into the search bar and then did something I had not done in over a year since I'm not a masochist on a daily basis...

_Edward Cullen _


	5. Three Stories, One Commonality

_**A/N: Thanks go out to the lovely peeps over at PTB, especially BelleDuJour and Jennrosee for working through my mess and making this chapter actually readable.**_

_**(Edit: 11/13/2012)**_

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><p><strong>Bella <strong>

In 1953, two years before his death, Theodore J. Masen founded the Masen Private School in Port Angeles, Washington.

Mr. Masen was a lonely old man. His beloved wife had passed away years prior, and his four children were all already grown up and had families of their own. They either minded their own business or lived abroad. The old man knew that his time on earth was coming to an end, and he would have loved to visit his children and grandchildren one last time before he had to go, but traveling was exhausting for him. In particular because it took quite some time to get from the United States all the way to Europe. The daughter and son of his that lived on the same continent as he never responded to any of his letters or phone calls, and even though it pained him immensely to do so, he eventually left it at that. He had no interest in talking to someone that clearly did not want to speak to him in return.

The Masens came from old money, a long line of powerful and extremely wealthy men and women that were especially well known in the South. Theodore Masen had been proud of his origin; the amount of history and achievements attached to the family name only fueled his already ambitious trait to accomplish great things from early on. He had the world at his feet; there was little out of reach for him. His wealthy up-bringing with all its amenities saw to that. His biggest passion when he was a young man was to ride the family's horses like the true cowboy he had sometimes and secretly dreamed to be, but he knew his place.

As he grew older, the green of nature and the rain somehow drew him in, pulled him towards them, and that is why he spent the last years of his life in his beautiful mansion in Forks, a little and unimposing town in the Olympic peninsula, settled in the state of Washington.

Mr. Masen was brought up with the belief that education was one of the main things that defined a person and their success; he himself spoke three languages and loved to read and learn everything about all the wonders of nature. So when it came time to write his Last Will and Testament, after he had graciously divided one half of his money and riches among all his children and grandchildren, and after he had ensured that some of his money was destined to go to charity, he decided to take the rest of his assets and found a school.

It took him and his realtor five weeks to find the right location in Port Angeles, and another eighteen months for the school—dorms for the students, library and gym included—to be built and finished.

Mr. Masen died one night in his mansion, lonely, but with the knowledge that with his help, education would be provided for coming generations of students just as eager to learn as he had been.

In 1984, Alfred M. Cullen bought both the Masen mansion and the Masen Private School. He, too, was a very wealthy man that longed for the quiet and solitude of nature, but who also knew the worth and profit of estates, architecture and investment.

When Mr. Cullen passed away eight years later, his only son left, Carlisle F. Cullen, inherited all of his riches and possessions.

In 2003, I, Isabella M. Swan, walked through the halls of Masen Private School for the first time.

_**Early September seven years ago, Port Angeles, Washington**_

Whoever came up with the idea that me visiting a private school was a good thing should get his damn brain checked!

Ooh, wait a second - that was me! I applied for that damn scholarship...

_I groaned to myself and then checked my reflection in the restroom mirror one more time. I groaned again when I realized that nothing had changed in the last forty seconds and that I still looked completely out of place._

_My new school had a dress code. A. Dress. Code. All the male students had to wear royal blue or black slacks, black shoes, a black and blue striped tie, and a white button down shirt that could be combined with either a black or blue sweater vest or sweater. They also got to choose between a black or royal blue suit jacket._

_The same color code applied for the girl; tie, vest and all. But instead of the button-down and the slacks, we had to wear white blouses and pleated skirts with either tights or knee-high stockings, preferably in white. Black Mary Janes completed this sophisticated and exclusive "better than thou" ensemble._

_We had to wear our uniforms on every school day except for Fridays. Friday was the only day of the week we were allowed to wear our own, regular clothing. _

I was not sure that was a good thing, though...

_I'd thought I was an outsider in my old high school in Forks, but the dress code here brought things to a whole new level. Everybody, absolutely everybody here was well off, even the teachers. They all had these expensive, "brand" name bags and backpacks; the parking lot was full of shiny and really, really expensive new cars, making my old beat-up truck the biggest eyesore on campus. So I could pretty much imagine how they all dressed up in their designer clothes on Fridays, leaving me in my ordinary no-name clothing to stand out even more._

_It's not that I was ashamed of being 'poor' compared to everybody else here. My dad is a very hard-working man, who works as much as he can without passing out due to his lack of sleep, to make sure that all our bills are paid and that there was always enough food in the fridge. Charlie and I didn't need much anyway; we got along with what we had. We were fine – at least we were up to now. We both worked very hard to get me here—Charlie at the station and me in school to get the best grades—so there was no way I was going to let vanity and the pressure of wearing brand names destroy all of that. If I didn't make have any friends here and I became the school's social leper – so be it!_

_I just didn't like the whispers and mutterings, the finger pointing and whatnot behind my back, or out in the open, for that matter. I had never been a fan of too much attention and being the new kid at school, where many of the students already knew each other because they all came from the same social background and mixed in the best society, standing out was a given for me._

_I combed out my thick, wavy and dark brown hair with my fingers and then sighed, knowing that hiding here for the coming two years until graduation was not an option. Fishing my schedule and the paper I needed to get signed by all my teachers out of my bag, I finally left the restroom. My next class was math, and I had to walk a bit through the hallways to get to my classroom. I arrived with five minutes of the lunch break left, handed my new teacher, Mr. Mortimer, the paper, and then sat down in one of the seats that wasn't already taken. _

_It was only a few moments later that a group of guys entered the classroom, shoving each other around playfully while doing so. The first guy to step in was average height with blond, spiky hair and the face of a twelve- year-old boy. Following behind were two other blonds who looked pretty much alike, almost like twins. There was a slight difference in height and the shading of their hair, but the shape of their faces, their noses and mouths, the shape and color of their eyes... those were practically identical. _

_All three of them whistled as they stepped closer to me and took their seats. The first guy to enter and the one with light brown hair sat down on either side of me. The other blond took a seat somewhere behind me. _

_I could tell that they were all looking me up and down. It made me feel uncomfortable, so I folded my hands over the table and looked at them intensely, my head bowing down a little to create a curtain with my hair._

"_Yo, Cullen! You gonna stand there all day?" a boyish voice behind me asked with amusedment in a voice way too loud for my liking._

_Most of the heads turned around towards the door and so did mine. _Holy...

I jolted awake.

My breathing and heartbeat were out of control. Frantically, I looked around the room.

_Classroom... gone._

_Students... gone._

_Edward... gone._

I tried my hardest to ignore the sting that pierced through me at that last thought.

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><p>Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.<p>

Would love to hear your thoughts. ;D

~Sue


	6. Friends and Foes

**I want to thank all the peeps from PTB for all their work. In particular fmfg and Mel for working through my mess!**

****(Edit: 11/19/2012)

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><p><strong>Bella<strong>

"Did you have fun today, Bunny?" I asked as I walked with Josie away from Kindergarten.

She beamed up at me.

"Yes! Look what I got!" she said and held a little blue tube out for me to see.

"Oh, what's that?" I knew that it was some kind of bubble-making toy, but I wanted her to tell me.

"Foh pwetty bubbles!"

I took her by the hand that wasn't holding onto her new toy before we crossed the street. "Yeah? Where did you get it from?"

"Fwom Liam," my baby girl answered with a little smirk._ Hmm..._

"That was really nice of Liam. Is he your friend?" So far, Josie only ever mentioned Melissa and Dana as her friends. She nodded her head enthusiastically. Her cheeks blushed the faintest bit, and I just couldn't help myself nut tease her about it.

We arrived at the grocery store, and after we got a cart, we strolled in. "Do you ever hold hands with Liam?"

All I got out of her was a shrug as we went over to the fruit and vegetables. "Have you kissed him, yet?" Biting down on my cheek, I tried to stifle the chuckle that threatened to escape my lips as she frowned at me.

"Mommy, you silly!" My baby girl looked so disgusted at that notion with her wrinkled nose and exaggerated pout; I couldn't help but laugh out. She was just too adorable.

"Is he your boyfr-" I stopped.

It was funny how sometimes a fleeting thought, a certain smell or song, or in this case, the mention of a completely random and common word would bring back the memories of the one person that had hurt me so completely. Against my will and effectively startling me, the image of his beautiful face flashed before my eyes.

The sound of something dropping and rolling around on the floor eliminated the mental image, the memory, of the person that was both a blessing and a curse to me and brought me back to reality. I felt the heat rising to my cheeks and hurriedly picked up all the apples I just dropped.

It took several deep breaths for me to calm down. I didn't like the fact that things I had put so much strength and energy into banning from my memory were resurfacing more and more frequently again. It was unwelcome as much as it was unpleasant; it was like a bitter aftertaste in my mouth that I just couldn't seem to get rid of no matter how hard I tried.

That was what I got for stalking my ex on the internet the other night, though.

Josie carried the magazine and our mail in her little arms as if they were the most precious things on Earth as we walked along the floor to get to our apartment door.

When I first moved to Portland—though _fled_ seems to be the more fitting word, really—I lived with my dad's sister, Charlotte, and her husband, Peter, for a good while. I owed them so much. If it weren't for them having taken me in and their support, I really don't know what would have happened to me ... and my precious angel, too.

After my overnight escape from Forks, it took me quite some time to recover from everything that had happened there. To be honest, I was in a very bad condition. I basically bathed in my misery, let the pain and heartbreak engulf me, without even putting up a fight. In my dramatic and masochistic teenage ways, I eagerly accepted both willingly instead of feeling nothing.

The nothing that used to be my heart after it was crushed and stomped upon.

The more I wallowed and wailed from my sorrow, the worse my condition got, until hit rock bottom. There was a time when I thought the hopelessness, emptiness and misery would eat me alive and I considered suicide as my only way out. If I hadn't found out that I was pregnant in time back then, I may have ended more than just one life...

As soon as I was told that there was life growing inside of me though, I snapped out of my trance and banned all self-destructive thoughts. Of all the things my aunt Charlotte did for me, dragging me to see a doctor when things had been at their worst and where it was discovered that I carried life inside of me was what I was most grateful for. There was nothing I could ever repay her with to even the scale again, for my daughter's life and well-being were inestimable.

Of course I had my doubts if I could make it as a single mother. A single mother that was merely nineteen years old without money, a job or anything for that matter, no less. I admit that there was a moment in which my doubts took over and I considered giving my baby up for adoption, but that moment was so very short-lived. A blip on a radar screen, the blink of an eye lasted longer than that thought had in my head. Admitting that the thought had been there in the first place saddened me deeply, but as painful as that truth was, walking around and pretending that I had it all figured out from the get-go and that I never made mistakes would be the biggest lie. My family, or better to say my _real_ family, including some friends from the reservation back in Forks, helped and supported me in every way they could.

I ended up living with Charlotte and Peter in their house for two years, and the latter even offered me a part-time job as a waitress in his restaurant. When my grandmother, Agatha, passed away, I inherited a generous amount of money and moved into a brownstone apartment in Lloyd District.

"Hello, Angela," I sang as I saw her walking toward us. Josie dropped what she was carrying, ran toward her and jumped into Ang's waiting arms.

"Well hello, Bunny! Nice to see you, too!" Angela laughed at my daughter's greeting and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Angela and her boyfriend Ben were not only my next-door neighbors but also really good friends. Actually, along with James and Victoria who lived one level up, they were my only real friends here in Portland. There were a few acquaintances from work I sometimes met and then the moms of the kids I spent some time with every now and then when the kids had a play date, but I didn't consider them real friends.

Ben and Angela both were one year younger than me and both students working on their degrees. They had already lived here when I moved in, and we immediately got along. At some point, Angela even started to play babysitter for Josie when I had to work the late shift or no one else was available. In return, I often invited her and Ben over for dinner.

Just like tonight.

I picked up the magazine and mail Josie forgot all about when she saw Angie and walked over to them myself. "You guys have any plans for tonight? I just restocked on i-c-e-c-r-e-a-m, and I'm cooking pasta for dinner, so if you and that lovely man of yours don't have anything better to do yet, you're more than welcome to join us." I winked at her. "Besides, I still owe you the money for babysitting last Sunday."

Her smile widened. "Count us in! Ben's already home, and I just need to pick something up from the bookstore. Shouldn't take too long, though. What time do you want us to come over?"

"Whenever you want is fine with me. Josie and I just had a little snack, and she is going to nap soon. I've got some laundry to do but that's it," I answered honestly.

She placed Josie back on her feet. "Okay then, B, see ya in a bit!" she said and walked away.

"Gotcha!" I laughed and grabbed my little baby to tickle her again. She laughed a loud belly-laugh but tried to wiggle herself free from my light hold. I let go of her so that she could stand up and run away, before arising from my kneeling position myself and playfully chasing after her once again.

We have been playing like that for a good ten minutes, and already, both our cheeks were tinted pink and we both had teary eyes from all the laughter we had shared.

I jumped forward playfully, and she squealed in joy as she ran away from me. "Oh, Bunny, I'm gonna tickle you _sil-ly_ when I get you!" More squealing and hand-clapping filled the room as she ran around.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Ooh, Josie – you better hide! Look who's here to tickle you, too..." I went over and opened the door but went back to chasing the little giggle monster right away again. "Perfect timing, you guys," I called over my shoulder. "Someone here asked for some excessive punishment for being so adorable!"

I saw her hiding behind the side of the sofa, so I dropped back down on my hands and knees and crawled over to her. Once I reached her, I raised her pullover a bit and raspberrried her little belly, causing her giggling to turn into a high-pitched laughter fit.

I took her in my arms while standing up again. "What are you guys waiting for?" I kissed her face a few times and then looked at the door where I expected Ben and Angela to be standing.

When my eyes fell on the three people in my doorway, my laughter died immediately.

I felt Josie wiggling around in my arms, giggling without a care in the world, while I stood frozen into place. "Mommy! Don't stoppp!" She whined when she realized that I wasn't playing anymore.

Without taking my eyes off of the big, dark-haired guy and the two unfamiliar blonds that were awkwardly smiling at me, I placed another kiss on my daughter's head, turned on my heel and walked over to Josie's room.

Once inside, I placed her on the ground and squatted down in front of her. "Josie, can you play a few minutes here on your own like a big girl? I'll be back soon and then we can play together again, okay?" When she nodded, I stood back up, took one of her many coloring books and some crayons from her shelf and placed them down on the ground in front of her. Leaving her room, I closed the door behind me and walked back to face Emmett and whoever the fuck he had brought with him.

"What the hell are you doing here? And who the hell is that?" I said through gritted teeth, pointing at the blonds. A disturbing feeling of foreboding was crawling its way up and down my body, making the little hairs on my skin stand up.

The blond male took a step forward and automatically, I stepped back. He was tall and lean, with bright blue eyes and a boyish grin that made him appear rather young, around my age at most.

He frowned at my reaction but held his hand out for me to shake anyway. "Jasper Hale, nice to meet you."

I looked down at his outstretched hand, but instead of taking it, I took another step backward. For a moment, his appendage remained in mid-air but once he realized that I wasn't going to meet his introduction, he finally let it fall back to his side.

"Isabella, we don't mean any harm. Actually, we are here to give you a little time to prepare yourself," Emmett said, his open palms lifted and held out for me to see.

Though my mind was reeling from the fact that a Cullen just invaded my home—that one of them had found me—I didn't miss the twinge of concern in his voice, nor the honesty in his eyes.

There was no reason for him to be here—neither in my home nor in my life. His presence made no sense at all. None of them had the right, the justification, to just bust into my life like that, and the fact that he just did made me mad.

My hands balled into fists as I spoke through clenched teeth. "Prepare myself for what, Emmett? Why are you here?"

"Josie."

Five letters. Two syllables. One word. A name.

Such a simple little thing.

And yet, being said by Emmett Cullen in response to my question, it started a wave of horror to crash throughout my entire body, leaving me shuddering under the heavy weight of my goose bumps.

Maybe there were more words following that first one, but I never heard them. The volume of the alarm bells ringing in my head deafened my ears for everything else.

My heart was hammering furiously in my chest, though I was sure all color had left my face as his answer settled in. My mouth went dry as my eyes began to water; every last thing around me was spinning.

I felt so very weak, as if someone had just sucked every last drop of my driving force—my life—out of me. As much as the fear and desperation was crippling me, I still had enough strength left in me to voice my own thought.

And I screamed. Crying, spitting, sobbing, I screamed at all three of them before my worst nightmare—one I was unaware of being afraid of a mere thirty seconds earlier—could come true right before my eyes.

"You are not taking her away from me!"

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><p><strong>Yep, totally ended the chapter there...<strong>

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Be kind and share your thoughts. ;D**

**-Sue**


	7. Unwelcome Reunion

**A/N: Hi! Thank you guys so much for all the positive feedback! The amount of reviews, alerts and favs my story has received leaves me amazed and giddy at the same time. ;D**

**Huge thank you also goes out to my betas, Jennrosee and BelleDuJour, for working through my mess and making this chapter actually decent.**

**On with the drama. Remember when I said there was a chance you wouldn't like all the characters in my story...**

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><p><strong>Bella<strong>

I couldn't breathe.

It felt as if my lungs were without any air and, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't refill them. It felt as if a heavy boulder had been placed on my chest, threatening to crush me under its weight. Gasping and panting, I tried to refill my lungs with the oxygen I needed as desperately as I needed my little baby.

_They couldn't...they couldn't take her away from me. How was I supposed to live without my little heart? I couldn't... They just...couldn't. _

Both Emmett and that Jasper guy took a step towards me, and instinctively I stretched my arms out to hinder them from getting to Josie. I knew that if it came down to it, physically I wouldn't stand a chance, but I wouldn't go down without a fight.

"Isabella, shh, calm down. You need to calm down." Emmett tried to soothe me as he took another tentative step forward.

"Please, do-don't take h-her. Please."

"You really need to calm down. I promise you that _we_ are not here to take your daughter away from you," Emmett tried again.

I looked from him over to Jasper and the blonde woman that stood a little to the side and who hadn't said one word yet. Both of them nodded their heads in assurance. It wasn't that I trusted them all of a sudden—or as easily as that—but I admit that hearing his words and seeing the truth in their eyes did pacify me a little.

"This," Cullen continued as he waved the blonde over to him, "is Rosalie, my wife. Jasper is her younger brother, okay?" Emmett waited for my nod before he continued. "When I said that we are here because of Josie, I didn't mean that we were going to take her with us. What I meant was that-"

"Mommy?" My daughter's small voice suddenly sounded from behind me. I turned around to find her standing a few feet away, her favorite stuffed animal, Jojo, clutched tightly to her side. Josie was chewing on her bottom lip and looking frightened.

Sobbing, I quickly walked over to her. She held her arms out for me, signaling that she wanted to be in my arms. I obeyed gladly, picked her up and held her closely to me. She pressed her head into my neck and I buried my nose in her hair, inhaling her sweet scent to calm me down again.

We remained in our embrace for several minutes, and I tried my best to ignore the fact that Emmett, his wife and her brother were here in my apartment. I was angry with myself for falling back into old patterns so easily. Though I had never broken down like that in front of one of _them _before, the feelings of insecurity and intimidation, on the other hand, were something I'd felt more than just a few times whenever they were near.

I thought I heard some mumbling about calling someone and canceling something, but I really couldn't care less about their business appointments or dinner reservations. All that mattered to me—what I cherished the most in my life—I held in my arms, clinging to her as tightly as she clung to me.

"You wanna go back to your room and play?" I whispered into Josie's ear once I had fully composed myself. She shook her head "no" and I left it at that, for I wasn't ready to let go of her either.

My mind was still spinning and my knees felt weak, threatening to give out any second. Wiping the remaining moisture from my face, I kissed her head and walked us over to the sofa to sit down. Though it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, and despite my being still as clueless as to what the fuck was actually going on, it felt as if the conversation had been going on for hours—hours in which I had aged several years at once.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and when I looked up, I saw that this Jasper guy was holding Jojo in his hand – Josie must have dropped it when I picked her up. I gave him a weak smile and took the white and cream colored, floppy-eared, stuffed toy from him. He returned the gesture in kind.

I was about to demand Emmett finally tell me what the home invasion was about when there was another knock on my door.

Standing up with Josie still in my arms I went over to the door. I opened it and, within what felt like a fraction of a second, slammed it shut again. Or rather, I tried to but my somewhat shock-induced movements were too slow for the inhumanly fast reflexes of none other than the spawn of Satan himself.

Carlisle Cullen.

There he stood, in all his tall, blond, blue-eyed, pale-skinned and designer suit-clad glory. If it weren't for his stern and arrogant face, and my knowing how ugly he was on the inside, I'd actually call him handsome. Out of all the things I could say about the Cullens, the only thing remotely positive was that they were all absolutely good looking—beautiful even.

I guess that was given to them by nature as a disguise to cover up the darkness and ugliness of their interiors.

He pushed the door open wider, and I instinctively stepped back farther into my apartment, like prey backing away from a predator about to attack.

Placing a hand at the back of my little angel's head, I pressed her closer to me, _needing_ to feel her close. And just like that day in the mall, I tried to protect her just as much as myself.

"What have you done?" I hissed at Emmett with a quick sideways glance as I passed him. As the pace of my staccato breathing increased, I settled my watering eyes back on _Mr. Cullen_. It was only when he stepped into my small apartment further that I noticed he wasn't alone.

The bile was rising in my throat as eventually Carlisle Cullen, his wife, Esme, and his beloved niece, Alice Cullen, were all standing in my apartment.

And they all had their eyes set on the little form in my arms.

The alarm bells were ringing louder than ever.

"What are you doing here?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Well, Ms. Swan," he said casually while he took a glance around the space that connected the open kitchen area with my living room. "Rumor has it that there is something you have that could be of interest to my family." The emotionless, all-business tone in his voice sent shivers down my spine. "You see, my son over here told me a little story the other day about a little incident in a certain mall here in town. It was quite boring and irrelevant, to be honest. That is, of course, until he mentioned your name and the fact that the little girl you had with you resembled my youngest son in certain aspects." He walked over to the sofa and sat down as if it was the most natural thing for him to be in my home. "You have anything to say about that?"

The audacity of this man rendered me speechless.

I was still shocked to see him and his fucking entourage here in my apartment, to be face to face with them for the first time in six years. When I thought that Emmett's presence had the effect on me to fall back into old patterns, it was nothing compared to how I felt in that moment. It felt like I was seventeen all over again.

But I couldn't let that happen.

"The only thing I have to say to you, _Mr. Cullen_, is get the fuck out of my home!" I sneered at him.

Someone snorted disdainfully, and when I turned my head, Alice strutted over to the sofa as well and sat down next to her uncle with ostentation. If there ever was a person that made me want to punch them repeatedly in the face simply for breathing, that person would be the spoiled brat that was Alice Cullen.

Esme remained in the same spot she had taken when she first set foot into my apartment. Her eyes rested on Josie for a little longer, but eventually, she followed her husband and Alice and sat down on my small sofa, too.

And then there they sat, looking utterly out of place and being as unpleasant and unwelcome as dirt smudges on a new canvas or blotches of tomato sauce on a new dress. They were like a stain seeped so deep into the fabric that no matter how often or how hard you tried to remove it, no matter how tiny or faded it may be, its remnants would linger forever.

"_You may fool the others, precious Isabella, but you can't fool me."_

"_Oh, Isabella... I'm sorry, but this is not a good time. We have guests over... Edward keeps Tanya and Irina entertained..."_

"_How much do you want, hmm? What is your price? How much do I have to pay so you leave my son be?"_

"_Promise me, Alice! Promise me that you won't say a word to her."_

"_Fine, Edward, I won't say a word to your precious, little toy. But that will cost you."_

"_Anything. What do you want?"_

"_Hmm... I always had a thing for fast and expensive cars... A Porsche."_

"_Fine! Just... send me the details, and you'll get it... I have your word, though! Bella mustn't ever know."_

"_You are nothing but an insignificant little girl. You see, if you at least had the looks, you'd make a somewhat decent trophy wife to some old sap...but definitely not my son!"_

The memories rained down on me in a series of punches straight to the gut, causing all air to leave my lungs once again. But this time, instead of panic, I felt something different.

Before any one of the intruders could react or mutter one single word, I was out of my apartment, down the hallway, up the stairs to the next floor and knocking on Angela and Ben's apartment door.

The latter opened the door after the third knock. "Hey B! We were just about to-" He stopped himself and furrowed his brow. "You okay?"

"No, I'm really not. I-I don't think we can have dinner tonight. I... could you please take care of Josie for a bit? I know it's forward, but I can't have her down there with me right now. I don't know what is going to happen, but I know it won't be pretty. Please, Ben, I promise I'll make it up to you!" The words left me in one, rushed string.

"What happened?" he asked worried but took Josie in his arms nonetheless.

"_They_ are here...and I-" I started but he interrupted me.

"Say no more – I understand. But let me tell you this, if I don't get a 'Yo Ben, all's good and I kicked some serious ass' from you within thirty minutes, I'll call the chief!" I could tell that he was angry. He and Angela knew the whole story and joined the 'Anti-Cullen Front' as soon as I was done telling it.

I nodded, kissed my baby on her forehead and then went back down, taking several deep breaths and mentally braced myself for whatever was to come.

I slammed the door shut behind me after re-entering my apartment. All heads turned around to face me, but only one person spoke.

"You still haven't answered my question, Ms. Swan."

"And you still haven't left my apartment, Mr. Cullen!

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><p><strong>It is on!<strong>

**Yep, there is going to be more drama to come. **

**Thanks so much for reading. Share your thoughts and maybe leave me some love? lol**

**-Sue**


	8. Fights, Threats and upper Hands

**A/N: Here is the next chapter!**

**I really need to thank my two fantastic betas Jennrosee and BelleDuJour for sorting through the mess I like to create! **

**Bella **

If someone had told me the day before that I was going to have a standoff with the fucking Cullen Clan today, I would have peed my pants in laughter.

And then I would have taken a good look over my shoulder to make sure none of them were there.

Yet, that's exactly the situation I'd found myself in.

I was still standing in front of the door with my arms folded over my chest, scowling at the king, his queen and the little princess of 'holier-than-thou', who were sitting on the sofa to my right, facing me. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were standing to my left, their irritation and tension drawn across their faces.

"I'm waiting, Isabella." The prick looked at me as if I was a disobedient child, daring me to refuse his command yet again.

"Good for you! That must be a first," I replied with a sober tone.

Yes, I was egging him on, but for once—just this once—I wanted to have the upper hand. There was too much at stake; I couldn't let them walk all over me. I had to fight with all my might—with every dirty trick and even the tiniest bit of dirt I had on them—to protect my little heart and keep her safe. Even though I was shaking and my knees threatened to turn into jell-o, I had to make it look as if I knew how to play the game.

Carlisle narrowed his eyes at me and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could speak, Esme brought his attention to something on the wall across from the sofa. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of what his wife was pointing at.

The pictures.

When they'd first arrived and I was holding Josie in my arms, her head had been pressed against my neck, so they never saw her face. However, once they stood up to take a closer look at the different pictures of my baby and our family hanging on the wall, they were able to see not only my daughter's face, but also the most prominent feature she had inherited from her father—his eyes.

"I want a paternity test!" Carlisle barked out angrily after he had taken the pictures in for a few minutes.

"What for?" My voice sounded smaller than I would have liked it to be.

"Don't play dumb with me, you stupid, little hussy! I'm not going to pay one dime for a child that isn't part of my family!" he barked even louder this time.

The need to punch Alice earlier had nothing on the urge to put on my highest pair of heels and shove my foot up his ass.

"Fine. Your son is not the father. And now go. Don't bother to ever return again!" I yanked open the door for them, hoping they would get the not-so-subtle hint and leave.

"She has the same eyes as Ed-" It was the first time Esme said something, but I had to cut her off; hearing his name would do me no good. Especially not while facing his family.

"Green eyes are not that uncommon. They don't mean anything, Mrs. Cullen!"

Her eyebrows rose a bit, but I couldn't say if it was from me addressing her so formally, or because she considered my denial confirmation that I had cheated on her son.

"Hmm...are you getting nervous, _dearest_ Isabella?" I shuddered as the high-pitched voice penetrated my eardrums. Seriously, that noise was right up there with fingernails scraping a chalkboard, or cutlery scratching porcelain.

"Shut the fuck up, Alice!" I spat at her.

She ignored me, as usual. "Are you getting nervous because you finally have to admit that you whored your way around school and town, that you cheated on my cousin?" She smirked patronizingly at me, effectively increasing the need to repeatedly slam her face into a wall.

"I can count the men I've been with on one hand. Can you say the same about yourself?" I didn't let her answer because we both knew it was a rhetorical question. "That's what I thought, _dearest Alice._" I smirked. The amount of satisfaction I got out giving her a taste of her own medicine was unreal.

Her chest was heaving and her mouth hung slightly open, as if she was in a state between anger and surprise about the fact that I talked back to her. I must have touched a sore spot...score!

She recovered way too soon for my liking, though. "That's not what I've heard..." she nonchalantly answered and then turned her head to where her older cousin was standing. "Who was it again you saw her with, Emmett?"

Emmett?

EMMETT?

What. The. Fuck?

I faced him myself then, and his unsure demeanor from only a few minutes ago was replaced with something else.

"You got something to say?" I asked him straightforward.

"Yeah, actually I do." And there he was, the Emmett Cullen I used to know: an arrogant, condescending asshole.

"I saw you with that La Push guy you used to hang out with all the time," he started again.

"His name is Jacob, and he is my best friend, always was! What the hell are you talking about?" I asked him again, turning my whole body toward him.

"It looked a bit too _friendly_ for me when I saw you with him. In fact, you guys looked quite cozy in your shared embrace. You know, next time you cheat on somebody, don't get it on in a public place like, let's say...the parking lot of Forks Diner maybe?" The fucker actually had the guts to smile smugly at me.

_Strike one: Emmett insulting me in the mall._

_Strike two: Emmett playing snitch and invading my home._

I stepped closer to him, my arms still folded over my chest and hands balled to fists. I was seething.

"I know it's probably hard for you to understand since you come from a family of cold-hearted monsters and all, but normal people do show some kind of affection toward their friends. Same goes for family, by the way. Didn't I tell you the other day to check out the meaning of words before you use them?"

His eyes narrowed to slits as I finished my sarcastic reply. Cocking an eyebrow, I dared him to spew more of his made-up bullshit.

"Funny, Isabella. I'm perfectly aware of the fact that you show some kind of affection to your friends and family. I, on my part, don't kiss my friend's necks, though, or cuddle them close..." he trailed off, folding his arms over his chest himself, mimicking my own posture.

Forks Diner...parking lot. Jacob...kissing his neck? What the...?

And then it hit me.

Son of a bitch!

"When?" It was the only word I could get out though my tightly gritted teeth. I already had a pretty good idea what day he was referring to, but I needed him to confirm my suspicion. I stepped even closer to him, so that we were basically toe-to-toe.

"Hell, I don't know. Your senior year...close to your graduation. Right before the Denali party."

_Denali._

The Denali-sisters... The night Edw-

No! Do NOT go there!

My fingernails were painfully digging into the flesh of my palms.

"Why? You have anything to say to that?"

Strike three... and I pounced.

"Yes, you motherfucking piece of shit!" _Slap. "_That was the day..." _Push. _"...he learned that his sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, you stupid prick!" _Shove-slap. "_The same disease that _killed_ their mother!" _Punch. _ "You son of a bitch – I _consoled_ him!"

I would have punched him some more for good measure, but someone grabbed me from behind—effectively pressing my arms to my body—and carried me away from Emmett. That only added fuel to the fire within me, and I kicked and squirmed with all my might, frantically trying to free myself.

The dislike I had always felt for Emmett had morphed into a raging hate. I was out for blood, and as soon as I was free, I would satisfy that thirst.

I was placed back on my feet, but still caged by the arms around my body, when we reached the kitchen. "Sorry, I just did that for your own safety," said a male voice, and the hold around me lessened some, but not completely.

Jasper. I didn't know the fucker but he'd better watched his moves or he'd be next on my list.

"Really touching story—and quite the dramatic performance, too—Ms. Swan, but I somehow feel that we're drifting away from the main topic here..." the King of Pricks chimed in, effectively turning all my anger and hate toward him again.

I tried to jump forward and slam his fucking insensibility and audacity off of his face, but Jasper was quick to react and immediately went back to tightening his hold.

I'd never in my whole life been a violent person, but these people certainly brought out the worst in me.

"Hale—let me the fuck go!" I hissed, struggling against him again, but it was in vain. Had my skin not already turned lobster-red from the boiling anger, I'm sure my strenuous effort in trying break free from his hold would have done the job all right.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but no can do. This has already turned uglier than I'd ever thought. Adding physical assault to the long list of fucked-up won't do anybody any good here," he replied in a poor attempt to calm me down.

"I don't give a flying shit! Didn't you hear any of what they just said?" I all but screeched while I desperately tried to pry his arms off of my body.

"No, I heard it, and I'm sorry." Hale stated again with this calm voice.

"_Jasper_! Let go of her right now!" Fingernails on chalkboard again. I looked up to find her a mere few feet away, staring furious daggers at Jasper's arms wrapped around me. _Hmm...interesting._

"Alice, I'm making sure that she won't go and kick the shit out of your brother and your uncle!" Jasper answered her defiantly.

"I don't care! Let her go. _Now!"_ she yelled at him while stepping even closer, probably intending to pry his arms away from my body herself.

The very last thing I needed was some possible relationship drama added to all the shit that was already dropped upon me. I needed to clear my head and I certainly wouldn't be able to do so with _them_ here.

"ENOUGH! I've had enough of this! You can either get your sorry asses out of here by yourselves right now, or I'll call the cops and they'll make you leave! This way or the other - I want you gone. _Now_!" I screamed, addressing all of them. "Get the fuck out of my home! And don't think I won't call the cops, because I sure as hell will!" At the last part, my gaze settled on the King of Douches alone.

There was a moment of silence, but eventually, Carlisle spoke again through clenched teeth.

"Fine then, _Isabella_, we'll go," he said while standing up." But I insist that a paternity test be taken." He walked over to the still open door and waited there expectantly for the rest of his entourage to follow him out.

Jasper squeezed my hand once before he finally let go of me. Alice was already standing next to Esme and Carlisle, only Emmett and his wife were still rooted where they had stood the whole time.

"Isabella, I-" Emmett started but I cut him off.

"Shut the fuck up, Cullen! Save your breath and leave." I barked at him._ Only a little longer, _I kept telling myself. I only had to hold it all in for a little longer.

He grabbed the blonde's hand and turned to leave, while she gave me a small, sad smile.

"Oh, but just to be clear, Isabella," Carlisle spoke up again, making me return my focus on him. "If that bastard child of yours turns out to be a part of my family, I'll make sure that we get custody of her. I mean, after your little outburst there, it is apparent that you're unstable and have a violent streak...a bad combination when raising a child..." There was nothing but pure malice in both his voice and eyes.

"No judge in their right mind would grant you custody—your precious family is as fucked up as they get!"

I heard Alice snort again but chose to ignore her.

"Don't you go and insult my family, little girl. I will make sure that we get custody if it gets down to it. I mean, I could always say that your apartment is shabby, and that you are not capable of managing the household and raising a child... And let's not forget about the various men that frequent your home several times a week. I'm sure the judges would love to hear about how exactly you make a living..." he trailed off, finally ending his string of lies.

_Ahh, Mr. Cullen, you really shouldn't have said that..._

I had to turn around to hide my smile. I grabbed a glass out of one of the cupboards in the kitchen and filled it with water. Taking a sip, I turned back around to face the enemy.

"I'd really like to see you try, _Carlisle_!" I said with the smile still plastered on my face and took another drink.

"What is there to smile about? You think I'm bluffing? Let me tell you this, I know a lot of people and have a lot of connections. If I want something to happen, it will happen." Slightly irritated and angry about my change in demeanor, his cracked the slightest bit. _Gotcha!_

"There are three home security cameras and mics in this apartment." My free hand motioned to the two cameras and mics hidden in the living area. "Congratulations, you just dug your own grave." I replied as nonchalantly as I was able to, as if I was merely pointing out a new paint job on the walls or a new set of drapes, and awaited his reaction.

In a disturbingly satisfied way, I watched as a few already pale faces turned even paler.

_Having the upper hand for once surely felt good..._


	9. Revelations and Breakdowns

_**A/N: **_**Here is the next chapter!**

**Thanks to everybody reading, reviewing and putting the story on alert!**

**Big, big thanks go out to my lovely betas Jennrosee and BelleDuJour for putting so much work into cleaning up my chapters!**

**On with the show...**

**(Edit 04/27/2013)**

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><p><em><strong>Bella<strong>_

"How dare you?!" Carlisle seethed at me.

"How dare _you_ come into my home all high and mighty and threaten me? By the way, nice stories you made up there in the end. But now let me tell you this, Carlisle; there isn't anything in this world I wouldn't do to protect my family and especially _my_ daughter! If you really plan to stoop so low and take a little girl away from her mother by telling filthy lies, then be warned 'cuz I may have some true stories to tell about _you_!

"Oh please, you don't have shit to tell about us!". Alice huffed.

"You sure about that? Just because I don't go strutting around all high and lay other people's shit bare like you or any other spiteful bitch that can't mind her own business, doesn't mean I don't know a thing or two!" I leaned against the counter behind me.

"Well then please, precious Isabella, why don't you enlighten us?" She placed her hands on her hips, showing off her manicured fingernails and looked expectantly at me.

I pointed at Emmett."Arrested two times for driving under the influence of alcohol when he was eighteen, one crash included. Nobody was injured but the Mercedes was never the same again." I was surprised by how calm and neutral I manged to sound all of a sudden, especially seeing as I was jittering on the inside.

Emmett's head dropped slightly, but I brought my attention to Carlisle. "You know, I always wondered how you were able to talk down to me all the time about my 'white trash, working class' background and accuse me of being a gold-digger when you married one yourself! What do you have to say about that, Mrs. Cullen, nee Masen. Or shall I say_ Platt_?"

Several eyes widened as my last statement echoed around the room.

"You, Mrs. Cullen, are a fucking hypocrite!" I took another sip of my water, wishing fo it to be whiskey or vodka - something strong - instead, but then continued with my eyes glued on Esme. "Isn't it kind of funny how someone who was born in a shitty part of Detroit, who was raised along with her younger sister by only her mother, since her father went for the hills to do God-knows-what when she was only eight years old, can years later horribly treat a young girl with a similar background? One would think that someone whose in-laws had given her a hard time about her origin and 'inadequate social status' would show a bit of compassion for that young girl instead of treating her the same way!"

My cool was gone again then; bitterness was coming off of me in waves, and I cursed myself out mentally for showing vulnerability in front of them, yet again, but I continued nevertheless. "But not you, Esme. No, you used every chance you got to show me how inadequate I was and how much better your precious and impeccable son could do! What a joke!"

I took a deep breath and then looked at Alice, " What about you, hmm? Stabbed any car tires or spread filthy rumors recently? Have you enjoyed any nose candy lately or starred in any home videos? I let the words hang between us barely long enough to sink in. "Video must be some kind of family thing, hmm?" I trailed of at the end, putting on a bit of a show, elongating the grand finale as well as the chance to revel in the perverse satisfaction that my sharp retorts brought me."

I noticed that while I held my little speech of revelations, the eyes of the others widened a bit more with every word I had said. Obviously, they were either shocked by the fact that I knew about their little secrets, or rendered speechless since they probably didn't know about some things themselves. _Or both..._

But ever since I mentioned the videos, their heads repeatedly turned from me to Alice and back in confusion. The only one that appeared somewhat composed was Carlisle, but he looked slightly confused about my last jibe, too.

"Tell me, Alice – would you prefer that I tell the story about how you got your Porsche or do you want to do that yourself? Please tell me you actually got the damn car – it would be quite tragic if you didn't. I mean, what's the point of blackmailing if you can't get anything out of it, right?" My voice was laced with sarcasm as I stared her down.

And for the first time ever, Alice appeared to be slightly insecure and at a loss for words. "You..knew?" was the only thing she could get out.

"What do you think?" Somewhere in the back of my mind, a tiny voice was telling me that the artificial armor of strength and indifference was starting to crack, but I just couldn't back down or retreat now. I had to hold on for a little while longer. "So, what's it gonna be?"

"Alice, what in God's name is she talking about?" Esme asked.

When Alice remained silent, I answered for her. " I don't know _all_ the details, but it seems that your golden boy of a son decided to have a little bit of fun with Tanya and Irina Denali the night of their infamous party...and they taped it."

I tried my best to ignore the stinging ache in my heart and guts as much as I tried not to relieve the memory. "It seems that somehow, Alice found out and confronted Edward about it. Or better to say, she basically blackmailed him into buying the fucking car of her dreams and in return, she would make sure that no one would ever got to know about it – least of all me."

It apparently took the Cullens a few moments to digest what I just revealed to them. The silence didn't last long, though. I turned around, refilled my glass with water and tuned the chastisement or whatever it was she received from her aunt and uncle as best as I could until they quieted down some again.

"You know, Esme," I started as I turned back around to face the home intruders, " you were right – Tanya and-slash-or Irina are a way better catch than I could have ever been. You must be so proud! After all the times you tried to persuade him to make one of them his girlfriend, to hear that he eventually gave in and listened... Must be a dream come true."

My voice was breaking at the end and I had to swallow down the lump in my throat twice.

"How much?"

My attempt at composing myself was interrupted by Carlisle's words. "Pardon, what?" Surely he couldn't have asked what I thought he did, could he.

It only took him a few seconds to answer my silent question. "How much money do you demand to keep quiet about everything you kn-"

I yelled at the top of my lungs. "For fuck's sake - if I hear the words 'money' and 'pay' from you ever again, I'm gonna strangle you! Don't you fucking get it? I don't want your stupid money. Never did. I hate it as much as I hate you and your family of fuck-ups! It's tainted – just like you all." I gasped for a breath before I continued to get things off my chest I had never dared to spit into their faces before. "Maybe you can buy other people, but you sure as hell can't buy _me_! And now get the fuck out of my home, and don't you dare to ever come back. You are not welcome here. LEAVE!"

"What the hell is going on in here?" a velvety and painfully familiar voice asked in bewilderment.

My heart stopped beating and all air left my lungs as I realized he was actually here in my apartment.

_Please, no... Why can't I seem to get a break?_

I couldn't help but look at him. It was hard to believe how much he had changed physically and yet seemed to look exactly like he did back then.

When he was still my Edward. When I was captured by his spell with just one look.

He was looking at me, too. His eyes..._God, his eyes!_ They were just like the once I lovingly looked into every day for the past five years, and yet they were completely different.

But then I felt the tugging in my gut again; the awful sensation I felt every time memories came crawling back to the surface. And just like that, his spell upon me was broken. I had to look away so that the anger could return.

As I stood there, in a space too small for so many people, people I hadn't had to see for so many years, I felt like I was going to explode. My breathing was heavy, the adrenalin was pumping almost violently through my veins. My heart was beating way too fast and I could feel myself starting to sweat slightly from the exertion of holding myself back.

My hands were balled into fists, my teeth grinding against each other almost painfully. With every second that passed it got harder and harder to not lash out. _Again. _

I knew that hate was a strong word, and I was not a person to use such a word lightly, but I could safely say that I hated every damn person in the room. Well, with the exception of the two I just met—though the company they kept was enough to at least instantly dislike them—and myself. I was disappointed in myself for once being a naïve girl that believed in fairy tales, but I did not hate myself.

But out of all the hated faces in that room, one in particular stands out. I tried my best to avoid looking at him again, but my eyes seemed to have a mind of their own. Taking a glance at the group of self-invited visitors, I found most of them looking from _him_ to me and back again, awaiting our reaction. On their own accord, my eyes settled back on the one person that almost destroyed me.

My traitorous eyes hould have known better.

My body´s inner riot increased tenfold, making the pain and anger practically unbearable. Tears are forming in my eyes, and I definitely hated myself for _that – _for showing weakness in front of the bloodhounds. But this time, unlike all the other times before when I cried from hurt, disappointment, betrayal or simply pain, this time I cried from fury.

Everything, even all the memories and emotions I managed to choke down earlier, was ripping through my body now, causing me to almost screech out from the overwhelming pain. And _he_ was the one to blame. All the pain caused by _the others_ pales in contrast to the pain and heartbreak that he had brought upon me.

My body shook from my attempt to not freak out, or worse, to break down. But I know that it's only a matter of time. There's only so much a person could take and my limit was reached; I was one wrong word, movement or glance from anyone here in the room short of seeing red.

The tension was palpable and everybody seemed to feel it, too. Everybody but one.

"Bella...," he whispered softly, astonished and somewhat confused.

And that single word was enough for me to snap.

The glass I had held in my hand was slammed against the wall to my right. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING HOME! Right now, all of you. Get out!"

They had to go. They had been here for way too long and I couldn't any more...not now that he was here, too. Frantically, I looked around for my phone but couldn't find it.

"I'm not leaving before somebody tells what the fuck is going on here!" Edward said with determination. "Why the hell are you here?"

I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or someone else, and I didn't care – I just wanted them gone.

Forever.

As I could finally make out my phone laying on the table in front of my couch, I noticed that Alice dragged Edward over to the same wall Carlisle and Esme had stood in front of earlier.

"It seems that little Isabella has a wee little secret-", Alice started in a matter-of-fact voice but was cut off when several voices, mine included, yelled out at once. "ALICE!"

That was it! That was the last straw.

I stomped over to where she was standing and yanked on her arm, forcing her to face me. "What the fuck is your problem, you stupid bitch? Haven't you done enough already? Do you get off on bringing other people pain and misery? What have I ever done for you to treat me like shit?" I shoved her away from me a bit. "Huh? What is it? Tell me!"

A pair of strong and way too familiar arms encircled me from behind, holding me back but igniting the raging fire within me even further.

"Get your fucking hands off of me right now, Edward, or I swear I'll fucking castrate you!" I jabbed my elbows back into his abdomen with force until he let go of me. Immediately, I lunged for Alice again.

I had startled her a moment ago, but now she looked just as furious as me. "You know what you did, you cheating bitch!" she sneered at me.

"No, I don't! And don't you dare insult me by comparing me to the likes of your cousin! Unlike him, I've always been faithful!" I spat and took another step toward her.

"That's not what half the male student's at Masen's said though, and it's certainly not what _Brandon Evanson_ said!" she screamed back with a fire rivaling my own.

I was confused about what she said for a second, but then her words settled in and I understood...kind of.

My hands were balled to fists again, "Is that it? Is that all you've got? I went through hell and back because of you and your family! Are you telling me that you acted out of jealousy? Jealousy without cause because _nothing ever happened _with anyone beside the cheating little shit behind me! Everything you all made me go through...it damn near killed me, and for what? Because a stupid little girl didn't get her way!Because she couldn't get enough attention even though everybody was practically laying at her feet? Are you really that heinous and pathetic? Answer me for fuck's sake; are you really that pathetic?"

My eyes were watering quickly, and I knew I had to bring it to an end. " You know, I despised you before...but there aren't any words for what I feel now."

I turned around and faced the remaining Cullens, Rosalie, and Jasper without actually looking at them. The bile was rising in my mouth, and I felt dizzy. "Isn't your family-in-law just lovely?" I addressed Rosalie.

I took a few steps toward the door when a thought—an impulse—crossed me, causing me to turn back around. " Oh, and Alice...?" Before I could really process my intended action, my flat hand had already made contact with the side of her face. Wrapping both my arms tightly around my torso, trying to rub the sting out of my pulsating palm, I finally, finally made it toward my apartment door.

My back was to them, my voice flat and eerily calm. Drained."The freak show is over. You have five minutes to leave. When I come back, I want you all gone. If even one of you is still present, or I find so much as any kind of evidence that you had been here at all, I'm gonna call the cops and tell them everything. _Everything_. Don't ever dare to come back again!"

A gossamer string of strength was left in me and it was dwindling down with every step I took along the hallway over to the staircase. I was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

Everything, every cruel memory, every good memory, all the pain they caused me, everything that happened and was revealed today, crashed down on me like an avalanche.

I swayed as I took the first steps. I couldn't breathe. I was in pain. Tears were streaming down my face; my vision was blurry. It was too much.

And it all came out as I vomited all over the staircase.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed the chapter!<strong>

**Edward's up next. Let's see what he has to say...**

**Thanks for reading.**

**-Sue **


	10. Clarification

**Once again, I have to thank my two wonderful betas BelleDuJour and Jennrosee for making my story readable and pretty :) Thanks, girls! **(edit: 01-05-2013)

**On we go with the story. Let's see what Edward has to say...**

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><p><strong>Edward<strong>

**.**

**.**

What the fuck just happened?

No, seriously – What. The. Fuck. Just happened?

The last thing I remembered with clarity was hearing a woman's voice—loud and angry—screaming somewhere nearby as soon as I set foot on the 4th floor of the brownstone apartment building Alice ordered me to come to.

After I entered the apartment, everything that happened was too much a jumbled mess for me to comprehend or process right away: the surprise of finding my family in said apartment, the great shock of finding Bella in said apartment, and the wave of joy and confusion washing over me following that realization. Bella freaking out. Bella. Alice dragging me over to a wall to show me something or the other I never got the chance to really see. Bella... Bella arguing with Alice, and then holding Bella in my arms as I tried to restrain her from killing my cousin. Bella hitting and threatening me... letting go of her. Alice getting in Bella's face, and the latter attacking the former. Bella, white as a sheet and shaking, ordering us to leave in a thin, shaky and unfamiliar voice. Bella fleeing the apartment and leaving us—me—behind... again.

And nothing made any sense. At all. It was beyond confusing and frustrating.

It felt as if everybody was in on some big fucking secret I was not, and mercilessly, they were rubbing it in my face.

The only thing I knew for certain was that Bella somehow was part of the secret, and that fact alone was a riddle in itself. I looked around at the faces of my family, but instead of being insightful, it left me even more irritated than I already was.

Emmett appeared to be ashamed; his wife, Rosalie kept looking to the slightly-ajar apartment door with a sad look on her face. Jasper, her younger brother and one of my best friends, looked disappointed and crestfallen with a hint of anger. In all the years I had known Jazz, he never was anything but calm and relaxed_...what the fuck?_

My mom's face covered a bit of all of the above; her expression would change from embarrassment to shame and then repulsion. Weirdly enough, every time she looked repulsed her eyes would find me or Alice. Alice's face on the other hand was washed void of all emotion where it had been basically contorted in hate and anger only moments ago.

The weirdest thing, though, was my father, as he looked insecure, he usually was downright certain in everything he did. My father was a control freak and over the years I had seen him throw a fit when things didn't work out the way he had planned, but never in my twenty-four years had I witnessed him to be insecure or uncertain in any way.

Like I said, it just didn't make any sense.

"I think we should go." Emmett interrupted the silence that had settled upon us ever since Bella had left.

"I think that would be for the best, son. For now, at least," my father agreed, nodding minutely and then leaving, my mother following behind.

Looking back at Emmett, I saw Rosalie whispering something in his ear to which he only nodded. She then took a piece of paper and a pen out of her purse and scribbled something down before pinning it to the fridge with a magnet. I was about to ask her what that was about when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice walking over to Jazz to take his hand, but he pulled it away immediately and stomped past me and out through the door, leaving his rather dumbfounded-looking girlfriend behind.

That was a riddle for another time, though.

"Would somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on here?" I half-growled at no one in particular.

"I will, but we really better get going now. C'mon, Edward," Emmett said and all but dragged Alice and me out of the apartment.

After a long, tiresome and painfully silent drive, we finally arrived at the hotel we were apparently all staying in. And I was seething. Since I had gotten to the brownstone by cab, Emmett offered me a ride back. Alice decided to drive with our parents, so it was the rest of us in his car.

And they all ignored me. Every time I asked them questions about Bella or the incident in the apartment, all I got in return was either a 'not now,' or silence. It made me feel like a damn child instead of a grown man.

That alone was enough to piss me off, but it was when the realization of having met Bella again settled in that my blood started boiling. Bella - the girl I used to love and thought she'd love me back; the girl that played and betrayed me.

The girl that left without a goodbye.

One minute she told me she loved me and the next, she was just gone. No letter, no telephone call, not even a fucking text message.

It was as if she had never existed.

Well, it would have been as if she had never existed, had it not been for all the memories, keepsakes she left behind in my room, and all the horrendous rumors about her sudden departure around town and in school. The only ones who really knew what had happened and why she left threatened to hang me by the balls and then kill me slow and painfully. Charlie and I used to get along—he had not been my biggest fan since I dated his little baby girl, but he was never hostile to me.

I was completely left in the dark.

For months, I had tried to find her on my own, but to no avail. All I could do was wallow in my heartbreak and self-pity, trying not to drown as hurt, anger and that dark, little secret I carried with me threatened to pull me under.

.

.

"Here, take that. You're gonna need it, trust me." Emmett's voice brought me back, away from memory lane, as he handed me a generously filled glass of amber liquid. A bottle of Jack Daniel's and his own glass in hand, he nodded for me to follow him. He sat down in the armchair and I settled down on the loveseat opposite him.

When, after five minutes of sipping his drink and furiously rubbing his neck, he still hadn't said a word, I couldn't take it anymore. "For fuck's sake, Emmett, either you tell me right now or I'll kick your fucking ass!"

He sighed, shook his head, took another sip of his drink and then finally opened his mouth to speak. "About two weeks ago I ran into Isabella down at the Lloyd Center Mall. She wasn't alone... she, aw... shit!" He sighed again, obviously nervous and agitated. "I told Dad about it, and he apparently instructed Jenks to find her. A week later he called me and told me to accompany him back to Portland to, um, visit Isabella and have a little chat with her. I had to be in town for business anyway so I said I would go. I thought it was just Dad and me, but then Mom, Alice and Jazz were there, too, when we met yesterday for dinner, and Rosie arrived early this morning to surprise me and... Fuck, Edward, I really don't think I'm the right one to tell this, but I think it would be worse if Dad or Alice were the ones to tell you. So, yeah, we had dinner and Dad brought up Isabella, and in the end Mom and Alice, especially Alice, wanted to go, too. Rosie, Jazz and me thought it wasn't right to raid the girl like that, so we went there early to give her a little bit of a warning and... Edward, you weren't even supposed to be there!" He stopped his mind-boggling rant to refill his glass.

So far, he had made no sense at all. Again, it felt as if I was missing out on something. Something important, big. And since he basically admitted that they wanted to keep something from me, it couldn't be anything good, either.

I emptied the remnants of my own glass and held it out for him to refill, too.

"So when we got there, Isabella totally freaked out and she basically accused us of... But before I had the chance to really explain to her, Dad, Mom and Ali showed up. Long story short: Dad threatened Bella, but it was some kind of trap, and then she told all of us off because she knows all kinds of stuff about us. Stuff that, if it fell into the wrong hands, would pretty much damage the Cullen reputation so, of course, Dad couldn't have that, and he tried to buy her off. You know, offer her money to make sure that she kept that shit to herself, but that only fueled her already raging fire, and then you showed up and—why the hell were you there, anyway? How did you know?"

"Alice." I answered through gritted teeth since still nothing added up. I was about to tell him to fucking continue, but as soon as I mentioned Ali's name, he slammed his fist down on the table between us, mumbled some shit I couldn't quite make out and then intensely glared at me.

"You know the rest of what happened," he stated with his eyes still locked on me. _Was this fucker for real?_

"Fuck that, Emmett, I don't know anything! None of what you just said made any fucking sense to me! What aren't you telling me? What is everybody keeping from me? Why the hell would Carlisle want to talk to Bella about anything and after all this time, no less? Why didn't you guys want me there? Spit it out!" I growled. Anger and irritation were as apparent in my voice as they were in my brother's whole demeanor.

"FINE!" he yelled back at me, "but I'm not sure you're gonna like what I have to tell you!" Grabbing his half-empty glass, he stood and then walked over to the windows. "We—_I_—fucked up, man." He finally started after a few moments of silence. "You remember the day of Tanya and Irina's party your senior year? When I told you how I saw your girlfriend making out with that guy from the Rez?"

My teeth and fists clenched instantly. _Yeah, I remembered that night all too well, fuck you very much!_ "What about it?"

"Earlier, I confronted Isabella about it and she clarified that it was all a misunderstanding, that she never cheated on you, man."

I slammed my glass back on the table. "Oh please, Emmett—don't tell me you believed that shit! She was lying to you—just like she lied to everybody else. Just like she lied to me!"

"That's the thing, though, I really don't think she was lying. Why would she continue to lie after all this time, even though you guys haven't been a couple for years now? What could she possibly gain from that? Besides, you weren't there and didn't see her face when I accused her of being a cheater. She would have to be a damn good liar to keep that shit up while punching the shit out of me. She was so damn furious. I think I made a mistake... back then," he replied, and I could tell that he really believed her.

There was a sharp tugging on my insides as his words and their meaning slowly settled in. If Bella had cheated on me back then, if she had kept something from me, I would have known quickly since she couldn't lie to save her life! Her eyes and her blush always gave her away. It wasn't much of a revelation. It was a fact; a truth I knew to be real all along, even at that brief moment in time when mind was fogged up and reason had escaped. Deep down I had always known. Yet, in an attempt to cover my shame, to justify my actions, I had held on to the only thing resembling a justification for years now.

To have that un-truth pointed out by none other than the instigator of my downfall, my brother whom I chose to believe that one time and it turned out to be so ugly and bad, so shameful - it was a punch in the fucking face.

"Fuck you, Em! You were the one who told me—no, who_ convinced_ me that she was cheating on me that night! You said you saw them together! You can't take that shit back now! Everybody kept on telling me that she was using me, playing me, but I never believed them until you! You can't do that to me, man! If it wasn't for you... Why are you doing this to me now? If you had had any doubts back then, I would have never..." I stopped myself just in time before revealing too much.

"Would have never what, Edward? Had sex with the Denali sisters, tape it and then let Alice blackmail you about it?" He folded his arms over his chest.

A bucket filled with ice-cold water couldn't have shocked me more. My eyes must have popped out of my head from shock and disbelieve at his last statement. "Yeah, I know. In fact, ever since this evening, everybody in this family knows," Emmett added as he eyed me closely.

"Bu-but... _how? _Did Alice-?" I managed to stammer right before he interrupted me "No, not Alice – Isabella was the one who told us. Edward, she knew..."

He just as well could have pummeled the pit of my stomach repeatedly, and with all his strength. I think I would have preferred that. If I hadn't been already seated, I would probably have landed flat on my ass when the force of his last statement hit me.

My insides constricted so tightly; breathing was nearly impossible and I felt like throwing up.I felt hot and cold at the same time and my throat seemed to swell shut. It was the worst and last thing I ever wanted to learn. Ever. It was the nightmare I forgot I had and couldn't wake up from.

"Edward, you need to breathe."

"How... For how long?" was all I managed to choke out.

"I don't know—she didn't say. But she couldn't have learned that from Alice, for our _dear_ cousin looked pretty shocked when Isabella threw that bit of information in our faces." Another sigh. "I know this is tough, Edward, but there is more."

Groaning, I buried my face in my hands for a moment, before looking back up at his face. I gave him a quick nod to continue. "You know, earlier when I told how I met her in the mall, do you remember me saying that she wasn't alone? She, well, she had a little girl with her..." he trailed of at the end somewhat hesitantly and gauging my reaction.

"Okay?" _Why was he telling me this?_

Emmett stared at me disbelievingly, "Okay? That's all you have to say? Did you actually understand anything I just told you? Did you not see the pictures hanging on that wall in Isabella's apartment?"

"Dude, I still have no real idea about what even happened in there! For fuck's sake, Emmett! Everything happened so damn fast: one minute everything was fine and then the next all hell broke lose. I would like to see you wrapping your mind around stuff when bomb after motherfucking bomb is being dropped upon you, asshole!" I snarled right back at him.

"It was her daughter!" He all but screamed right in my face. Even if I had tried to reply to that, the look in his eyes and the way he grabbed and squeezed my shoulder in what I assume was supposed to be a calming gesture, would have shut me up right away. "Think about it, Edward. Isabella has a daughter of about five years. And, even if you're not convinced that she was faithful to you – just pretend for a moment that she was..." He looked at me expectantly, even moved the hand that wasn't holding on to my shoulder in a rotating manner, as if he could activate my thought process with his movements. _Fucker!_

"Edward, the little girl is probably _your_ daughter!"

What. The. Fuck?

I jumped up from the loveseat, startling my brother so much so that he jumped a bit himself. "Fuck you, Em-"

He cut me off immediately. "Listen, I know this is not at all the way stuff like that should be delivered, but you had a right to know! I can only imagine that this is all a lot to take in at once, and if you want to hang on to your doubts concerning Isabella's faithfulness, that's your business, _but_ when I saw that little girl, the first thing that came to my mind was that she had your eyes! I swear, Edward—the little doll looks like her mother's much-younger doppelgänger, except for her eyes. They are not only the same shade of green as yours...they _are_ yours. God, this would be so much easier if you would have paid attention to the damn pictures!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, shook my head from side to side, trying something—anything—that would help me wake up. Thoughts were running rampant in my mind, too fast for me to grasp. It was a mess. I was a mess, and nothing made sense anymore.

A father. Me. No, it just couldn't be. It just couldn't. Bella wouldn't have kept something like that from me... not something that important. Or, would she?

Fucking shit!

I needed to talk to her.

I was out of Emmett's hotel room and halfway down the hallway before I even knew what I was doing.

However, before I could reach the elevator, Emmett had caught up with me and pulled me back. "Where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I need to talk to her. Right now. She wouldn't-... it can't. Em, let go of me right now, or I swear I'm gonna punch the fuck out of you! She is the only one who can tell me the truth and I want to know it – everything." I tried to pull my arm out of his iron grasp, but to no avail.

"I know, Edward, okay? But you can't go there now! You've seen how distraught she was—give her a break. And I think you need to wrap your head around a thing or two yourself before you go and talk to her. If you go there now, nothing good will come out of it. Just trust me on this, okay? You two definitely have to have a talk, but not now. C'mon, we have some more Jack to kill, and I promise to answer all your questions as best as I can."

Even though the urge to run back to Bella and ask her to tell me the whole and complete truth was incredibly strong, deep down I knew that he was right. Bella was close to breaking down earlier, and I wasn't in the best condition for a calm and civilized conversation, either. I made a promise to myself to visit her the next day and petulantly followed my brother back into his suite.

We had just refilled our glasses when my phone buzzed. I contemplated ignoring it since my mind was still running a mile a minute and the alcohol didn't exactly help calming me down, but then picked it up nevertheless, without even looking at the display.

"What?" I asked exhausted and agitated as I answered the call.

"Edward? Hi, um... is this a bad time?" a female voice replied.

A female voice I knew all too well.

Jane.

_My fucking fiancée._

* * *

><p><strong>Yep, that's what he said. :)<strong>

**Thank you people out there who read, review and alert this! It means a lot!**

**Until next time,**

**-Sue**


	11. Musing

**Edward**

"_Dude, have you seen the new chick? Da-yum - that bitch is so hot! Can't remember her name, but like, the whole school is talking about her...she's in my English Lit class...fuck me...I was sporting a boner the whole time...", Mike Newton kept on ranting as he, the Evanson brothers Jeremy and Brandon and me walked over from the cafeteria to our next class of the day. _

_I tried to tune out Mike as best as I could- like I usually did- when he is talking about all his alleged conquests and sexcapades. _My ass- the closest Mr. Shit-for-brains got to a girl so far was when hismommy is kissing him goodnight before he went to bed!

_Admittedly, I was pretty curious about the new girl myself. It was true that she pretty much became the school's new attraction ever since she set foot on Masen's premisses this morning. _Poor girl...

_From what I've heard so far, she is in Junior year just like me and that she must be really damn pretty since every male at this school I met today talked about how hot she was and what they all would like to do with her. Of course, that didn't seem to go too well with out female population here at the exclusive halls of Masen's Private School, since they were all spoiled attention whores._..Yeah, poor girl indeed!..But then again, she was probably just like the rest of them...

"_...and her ass! Fuck. Me!...And oh man, her lips are all full and pouty and I seriously can't wait to have them wrapped around my co-", I stopped his wishful thinking as I raised my right foot, aimed for his ass and then shoved him forward with it. He somehow swayed to the side and bumped into Brandon, who in return bumped into his brother. The rest of our walk was spent with the three idiots shoving each other around while I trailed behind and chuckled at their childish antic. _

_They even pushed each other through the classroom door..._Idiots!

_I turned my head back around to the direction we just came from when I heard somebody call my name. Alice. I waved quickly at her and then turned again to follow my friends. _

_I didn't even make it through the door frame before my eyes found her. The new girl. _

_She looked rather uncomfortable sitting in her seat. Her head was slightly bowed and her face was hidden behind a thick curtain of wavy mahogany tresses. She appeared to be petite in statue and she had pale skin._

_Almost everybody already in class was staring at her, my idiot friends included. They actually surrounded her with their sitting arrangement. Mike and Brandon sat on either side of her while Jeremy took the seat directly behind her; the nearest seat left to them was the one in front of Mike, who was sitting to new girl's right._

"_Yo, Cullen! You gonna stand there all day?", Jeremy's voice boomed through the room, causing several heads to avert their attention from their new attraction towards me._

_And then something happened._

_New girl turned her head towards me also and just like that, I was met with the most gorgeous face I have ever seen: heart-shaped, full, curvacious and pouty pink lips, small nose, deep brown eyes, that even from this distance appeared to be pretty soulful._

_She was beautiful._

_I just couldn't stop staring at her, and if it hadn't been for the teacher to start class, I'd probably just kept doing that for the duration of class._

_I quickly hurried over to the seat in front of Mike. Weirdly enough, the closer I got to my new seating, the stronger I felt my skin tingling..._

_Math usually was no problem for me. In fact, it was one of my favorite and best subjects in school. For reason's I couldn't quite fathom, it was really hard for me concentrate on class all of a sudden, though, and I found myself taking sideways glances at the new girl every so often. _Damn...I better find out her name- 'new girl' sounds kind of shitty...

_I actually found out about her name in Bio- the following class- when the teacher assigned her to sit next to me and she became my lab partner._

_I reached my hand out for her to take after she had sat down beside me. " Hi, I'm Edward Cullen" _Really Edward..-a handshake? God, I'm sooo lame...

_She slightly turned her body towards me, " Bella...I mean, Isabella...ungh...My name is Isabella Swan. Hey!", she rambled and then blushed a bit._

_The tingling sensation from earlier had increased tenfold ever since she sat down beside me, but it basically exploded in intensity when she tentatively touched my outstretched hand to shake it._

"_...I mean seriously...since when is staff allowed to park their shitty cars on the student's lot?"_

"_I know!...And it's such a disgustingly rotten and beat up old thing! I mean, a red truck? Eww!"_

_I tried to tune the two trash-talking stupid bimbos behind me out as best as I could. _Who cares about that shit, anyway?

_Bella pulled her hand away again. She turned her body back to face the board, her head, however dropped so that her hair created a curtain that hid her face._

The feeling of something wet crawling down my left leg interrupted my trip down memory lane. Looking down at said leg, I realized that I spilled the remnants of my drink all over my pants. "Fuck!"; I groaned, placed the glass on the table in front of me and made a beeline for the bathroom in my hotel room.

I started the shower, stripped out of my clothes and stepped under the spray of warm water. As the water hit the stiff muscles in my neck and shoulders, my gaze wandered over to the tiles on the wall and the beads of water that were streaming down on them._ Like raindrops on a window pane..._

I just listened and felt the water cascading down on me for a while. Closing my eyes, I pretended it to be the rain back home.

I couldn't help but smile as another memory hit me.

*****Mid-October 2003, Port Angeles*****

_The sky was colored in a dark gray as the rain was coming down in sheets, and the last thing I wanted to do was drive all the way from school to Seattle. _But when Daddy C says so... _I left the warm and dry confines of Masen's hallway and all but sprinted over the school's parking lot over to my car and got in. _

_There were only a few cars left since most of the students were long gone and if it hadn't been for my damn History teacher and the damned presentation I was assigned to do next week, I would be one of them. I took another glance around and noticed that Bella's truck was still present, too._

_I was about to start the engine, when I noticed a certain dark-haired, female beauty leaving the main building._ Speaking of the devil...

"_What the...?", I asked out loud when I saw her walking away from school instead of towards her car. In. the. Pouring. Rain. Without a raincoat or at least an umbrella, only dressed in her denims, chucks and a gray cardigan._

_I started the car and drove down the gateway, the direction she was heading to. I pulled the passenger-side window down and then honked once to get her attention. She was already drenched, with her clothes and her sticking to her petite body._

"_Swan! What the hell are you doing?", I practically yelled at when she turned around towards me. The rain had caused her white top she was wearing underneath the cardigan to turn transparent, making her black bra quite visible.._.FUUUCK!

_I tried to distract myself and ignore the vivid images of her that were running through my mind. It was raining so hard that most of what she replied was swallowed by the noise of it. The only thing I could make out for sure was 'home'. _You've got to be kidding me!

_I leaned over and opened the passenger side door open, signaling for her to get in, but she only looked hesitantly back at me. "Bella- get in the car! Now!", I all but demanded from her. She finally complied and stepped closer to the car and I noticed, that she was shaking. "Wha- at..about...yo- your sssseats?", she asked._

_I rolled my eyes at her antics and only hissed at her, again, to get in. She finally obeyed and I turned the heater on for her, though I doubted that it would do much for her since she was really soaked. I unfastened my seatbelt, "Why in God's name are you out here and not in your car?", I asked as I took of my jacket and pullover, leaving my upper body only covered in a blue button-down and handed both for her to take._

_I waited for her to take off the cardigan and top and change into my clothes before I started driving towards Forks. She told me that she found all her tires stabbed when she wanted to drive home and that she couldn't call her dad to pick her up because he was in Seattle for the weekend on some kind of conference, and that she forgot her cell at home this morning and went to find a secretary earlier to call one of her friends in hopes that they could pick her up, but the offices were all empty already. Hence, her walking around in the rain about to walk all the way home._

_She was a bit surprised that I knew my way to and around Forks, so I told her that my family officially lived in Seattle, but ever since my mother had the Masen Manor in Forks renovated last year, that we spent most weekends there._

_When we arrived at her home, my stomach growled in hunger, so Bella invited me in for dinner and I gladly accepted. It still pissed cats and dogs outside and my willpower to drive all to Seattle was completely gone, so I called my father and told him I wouldn't make it- he wasn't too pleased about it_

_but came to terms with it._

_By the time we were done with the delicious dinner she had cooked, there was a storm outside and Bella downright refused to let me drive to my own home. She actually even pouted at me and that did me in- she was too cute to refuse her._

_We ended up in the small living room and watched some movies. I don't know how exactly it happened, but it seemed that, as time went by, we sat closer and closer to each other, until our knees were touching._

_I already knew that I had a crush on her. I did ever since I first laid me eyes on her on the first day of school. She obviously was very attractive, but there was something else about her that pulled me in. We talked some everyday in school, but this today was so much better, as she seemed so much more relaxed and herself than there- I wanted to see her like that all the time. _

_No, what I really, really wanted was to touch her; press my lips against her pouty and soft-looking ones._

_The problem was, I didn't know if she liked me like that as well. We basically just met, but I knew that she was really nice and I liked her a lot as a person from what I could tell and the last thing I wanted was to screw everything up because I couldn't get my hormones under control._

_She pretty much broke my resolve when she took my hand in hers and squeezed it. Apparently, I had absentmindedly tapped my fingers against my knee and it annoyed her. I held on to her hand and enjoyed the tingling I was now familiar with, as I looked into her blushing face. She smiled shyly at me and I just couldn't hold back any longer. I slowly leaned into her, gauging her reaction- but all she did was moisturizing her lips with her tongue- so I continued and eventually touched my own lips to hers. _

"Shit!", I yelped as I was hit by ice-cold water. I quickly turned that temperature knob, I must have turned while remembering my first kiss with Bella, back to hot and hurriedly washed up. When that was done I stepped out of the shower, toweled myself off and then went to bed.

I just couldn't seem to get her out of my head. I haven't thought about that day in ages. We actually fell asleep together on the fold-out sofa bed that night, after making out for quite some time.

I couldn't help but chuckle when I remembered that I asked her to be my girlfriend by simply blurting it out the next morning when I had to leave._ And she still said yes..._

I rolled over to the side and rubbed the skin over the place my heart was resting at, in hopes to ease the pain that was ripping through it.

Throughout all the years after she had left me, I never really stopped thinking about her. Something, the tiniest and most insignificant little thing, would trigger a memory of us – of her- and I always paid for them with an aching heart. Sometimes it was a short little sting and other times it brought me to my knees.

But ever since I saw her again, ever since Emmet and I had our little talk hours ago and everything he dropped upon me, ever since Jane called me and everything I would never have again was basically rubbed in my face, the once familiar pain had morphed into something else

It all came crashing and melting together just then.

It felt as if long claws were digging and piercing through my heart, twisting and crumpling up the organ my life depended on, as I finally realized, that I was the one to blame for everything that had happened.


	12. Unexpected

**Bella**

I woke up to small hands alternately patting and squeezing my cheek. I groaned as I noticed the awful taste in my mouth and that my eyes were swollen and sensitive to the brightness of the sun-lit room as I opened them.

_Indicators that last night really happened and that it wasn't just a damn nightmare...Fuck!_

"Mommy...wake up! We have pancakes to eat!", my baby girl whined and patted my face some more. I shook my head no and scrunched my eyes close again, but I knew that Josie was relentless when it came to her favorite breakfast food and that I wouldn't get to sleep some more.

_Wait...pancakes?_

I opened my eyes again and took a closer look at my surroundings and finally realized that I was in Angela and Ben's apartment instead of my own, and that I had been sleeping on their couch and not in my own bed. Sighing, I moved the blanket that covered me to the side, kissed my fingertips and pressed them gently against Josie's cheek and then stood up to walk into the bathroom and get rid of that awful taste in my mouth. After finger-brushing my teeth, a fair amount of mouthwash and using the toilet, I joined Josie and Ben in the kitchen.

I pecked my daughter on her marble syrup coated lips and greedily accepted the cup of steaming coffee that Ben held out for me. I offered him a small smile and then sat down next to my daughter, who happily devoured her breakfast.

"Rough night, huh?", Ben asked rhetorically as he placed a plate of pancakes in front of me and than sat down with a plate on his own, as well.

I sighed deeply and replied in the same way, "What gave me away, Ben?"

"The yelling! Oh, and the little surprise that awaited me when I came down to check on you in your apartment but found you on the stairs instead, sobbing and close to hyperventilating and all, but mostly, it was the yelling.", he replied and tried to sound as unconcerned as possible, offering me a small smile, but I saw right through him. I cringed at the thought that somebody found me in the state I was in last night.

"That bad, huh?", my voice was merely above a whisper and I could tell that my cheeks were turning red due to my embarrassment.

He took a bite of his breakfast and nodded his head while chewing. _Fucking A...my neighbors got a free show... _"Yeah, James was pretty pissed because he just came back from working a double shift and all he wanted was to drop dead in bed, but I talked him out of going down and complain to you.", he continued and winked at me.

"Shi-...shame!", I said, fortunately quick enough to save myself from cursing in front of my little girl. "I guess, I somehow have to make it up to him as well! He and Vicky are really working their a-s-s-e-s off to make ends meet and the little sleep they get, gets disturbed by a yelling match between a family of nutjobs and a madwoman...You guys wanna come over for dinner tonight? I'll even add dessert to the meal as a thank you for everything you and Ange have done!", I asked before drinking some of the coffee.

"Bells, first of all, there is no need to thank us! We are friends, friends help each other out and that's that! Secondly, count us in! But only, if you really feel up to it- last night must have worn you out...", he trailed off while giving me another concerned look.

"Ben, I'm not going to lie and say that everything is fine when clearly it isn't, but what's done is done and there isn't much I can do unless they do something. Dad and Jake will be here ina few days and I'd really like to see the Cullen's try to do something while those two are here...Carlisle wouldn't know what hit him. Besides, there is not much they can do anyway -everything that was done and said last night was taped. If they really stoop so low and...", I trailed off.

"And what, B? What did they say and want?, he asked while watching me intensely.

_Shit! I just said too much...!_

I groaned and cursed myself out internally before promising him to explain everything after dinner. So far, I had tried my hardest to not think about everything that happened last night and whatever consequences may occur as a result. However, I knew I was only postponing the inevitable, and that I would have to recap and digest what happened sooner or later. _Considering my luck, definitely sooner..._

After finishing breakfast and helping Ben to clean up, Josie and I went downstairs. It was only 9am and I hoped to get a little more sleep before having to face reality.

I was about to use the spare key that I always left with Angela and Ben just in case, and that I had taken with me before Josie and me left so that Ben could get ready for work, when somebody said my name.

I turned my head to the side and was met with an approaching but somewhat hesitant looking Rosalie. _What the hell is it now?_

I quickly opened my apartment door and told Josie to go inside. "I thought I made myself clear last night.", I stated and turned back to face the blonde.

She came to a stop a few steps away from me. The small smile that was on her face only seconds ago fell, instead she bit down on her lip gloss covered bottom lip. "Uhm...I'm sorry...I just..I think I forgot something here last night and...do you think I could take a look real quick?", she stammered and her eyes were almost pleading with me.

Shrugging, I stepped into the apartment myself and left the door open for her to follow, but without paying any more regard to her. Josie was just stepping back into the living with her brown-haired doll that Sue gave to her last Christmas in one hand and Jojo and some knickknack in the other. She went and sat down on the ground in front of the couch and started to brush the dolls hair. _So much for sleeping some more in the near future..._

I walked over into the kitchen area, scanning all surfaces for something out of place while doing so, when I noticed Rosalie stepping further into the apartment. I busied myself with wiping the already clean countertops and sink, while silently praying that the Cullen-lovin blonde would leave again in no time.

When I turned around to face her to see how she was coming along after wiping the surfaces twice, I found her looking longingly at my little daughter instead, though. "So..uhm..what exactly are you missing again?"

She turned to look at me, "My organizer", she answered, but it wasn't a statement, it was a question. _And I call bullshit!_

I folded my arms over my chest "And now the truth!", I demanded.

"I should have thought that better through, huh?", she answered sheepishly and then sighed before continuing. "Please don't be mad...I just..I'd just like to talk to you!"

My body stiffened all by itself._ I don't think so, Blondie... _"Too bad, I really don't have time for that!", I focused on Josie, "Hey Bunny, can you go take your coat on? We need to go buy some more food. You can play some more when we come back!".

She nodded and stood up from the ground, while I walked over to the coat rack near the door myself. I helped her getting dressed appropriately for the low temperatures outside, before slipping on my coat, scarf and gloves myself.

"You're going grocery shopping? How convenient- I need some..um...apples myself- I'll accompany you!", she said with a smile, while I narrowed my eyes at her and grabbed my purse, keys and wallet.

"Listen, I have no idea what you are playing here! But you can tell your in-laws that there won't be a paternity test and that I couldn't care less about their disgusting money! I don't want it nor do I want any of them around my daughter or myself! There, you can go now and give Carlisle the full report- I don't care! If you'd please leave my apartment now..", I spat through gritted teeth at her. I picked Josie up and stepped out into the hallway and looked expectantly back at a rather crestfallen Rosalie. She obeyed and I closed the door behind her.

"Isabella, please, you've got to believe me- I'm not here to spy on you! I'm nobody's snitch nor do I plan to tell Carlisle anything about this! When Emmet said that we only got here yesterday to give you a little warning, he said the truth. You see, and please don't get this wrong, but it was the first time I heard anything about you at all. But I didn't need to know you beforehand to know that what Carlisle planned to do was wrong. I still have a hard time trying to wrap my mind around everything that was smashed out in the open last night, and I'm sure there's still a lot more to the story...and...Oh God, I'm really sorry for everything! I mean, if only half of it was actually true..."

"Are you calling me a liar?", I asked defiantly while walking towards the staircase to leave for the supermarket. _I can't believe I'm having this conversation...it's Saturday morning..give me an effing break, will ya?_

"God, no!", she put her hand on my lower arm that held Josie close to my body and gave it a light squeeze. "One of the things I'm absolutely sure of is that you spoke the truth in there- it was written all over your face. There was so much anger and hurt in your eyes... Besides, it's not like there was a lot of denial to anything you said or accused them of. Trust me when I say that I'm not too happy with them myself!"

I cocked an eyebrow at her last statement, since the term 'not too happy' didn't even come close to what I felt for them, and set Josie back on her feet since she had tried to wiggle herself out of my arms ever since I started walking.

We took the steps downstairs and were greeted by a wave of dry and chilly air as we stepped outside. I noticed that the streets and curbs were slightly glazed and took Josie by the hand.

"Seriously though, Isabella, Emmet is the only one knowing that I am here and I'm gonna keep it at that. I grasped that they, my dear husband included, constantly tampered with stuff they had no right to...and look how much good came out of it!" she continued, sounding genuinely agitated. "Can we go now? It's too cold for my liking and I really need to buy the...um..essential stuff I need?", she added in a lighter tone.

_So much for being genuine... and people said I was an awful liar..._

Rosalie's 'essentials' actually consisted of two differently flavored chap sticks, two different nail polishes, chewing gum, some gossip magazines and a pregnancy test.

I raised my eyebrows at her when she put the last item into the cart, "Really?"

"Hopefully..", she answered with a small smile but hopeful eyes as we made our way to the cash registers.

We were back on our way to the brownstone, both of us carry-all's in hand and I silently contemplated what to make out of this woman. She seemed nice and honest enough, and I wanted to believe everything she said to me- I actually did to a certain degree- but she was connected to the Cullens after all and in my book that was a no go; the word 'Cullen' stood for 'furtiveness' and 'incredibility'. Besides, she still didn't tell me why exactly she came to visit me after all- 'to talk' could actually mean a lot of things...

I fastened my walk when we were only a few steps away from the entrance door of my apartment building to open the door, when I heard a yelp, followed by a thud and then some hissing and groaning.

I turned back around and found Rosalie on the ground, flat on her ass, apparently slipped on the glazed surface in her heeled boots.

"Oh Jeez, Rosalie! You ok? Are you hurt?", I asked as I hurried back to her. She groaned out again and moved slowly on to her knees, "Ow! I may have broken my behind when I hit the ground and I kinda twisted my foot a bit, but I'm ok, really...oh dang!", she hissed again when she tried to stand up.

I told her to sit back down on the ground and was about to take her shoes off, when that was done I took the carry-all's and repacked them so that there was one with only a few really light items and passed that one to Josie to carry. I grabbed the remaining ones after I helped Rosalie to stand up.

"Wait- let me help ya!", a familiar female voice sounded from behind me. I turned my head to the side and saw Victoria putting the door stopper into place so that the entrance door wouldn't close. When Rosalie and I met her at the door, she took the bags from me and Josie by the hand, and together all four of us slowly walked up to my apartment.

Once inside, I ushered Rosalie over to the couch and then let nurse Victoria took over while I stowed the purchases away. I triedd to repress my chuckles as Blondie complained that all the fuss wasn't necessary since she was fine. I took an icepack from the freezer and wrapped it in a towel after everything was put away and then walked over to the couch. Rosalie's foot was slightly swollen, but Victoria confirmed that the foot was fine.

I helped Josie out of her winter attire and took both, hers and Rosalie's over to the wardrobe and put them on hangers and then did the same with mine. I invited Vicky to stay for some coffee but she declined since she had to go to work.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Miss Hale!", she said, kissed Josie and me on the cheek and was out of the door before I even made it back to the couch, where my little girl now played nurse by holding the icepack against her patient's ankle.

"Well,_ Miss Hale_, would you like a cup of coffee?", I asked with and raised an eyebrow at her. She narrowed her eyes at me in return, "Why yes, I would love to. But cut the Miss Hale crap- my modeling days are over, so that's Mrs. Cullen for you! Actually, I'd prefer you call me Rosie- I hate my full name, it makes me feel so old!".

"Only if you cut the Isabella crap and call me Bella, instead!", I replied with a smirk and held my hand out for her to shake. She sealed the deal by shaking it and then brought her attention to Josie, "And who are you?"

My little angel rewarded her with a bright smile and placed her little and in hers," I'm Josie. Actually, I'm Josephine but I like Josie bettaw!"

"Ooooh, such a pretty name for an even prettier little girl..", Rosie gushed, whereupon my daughter, being my daughter, blushed furiously and mumbled a silent 'thanks'.

After starting the coffee machine, I went to get a pair of thick leggings for Rosie to wear since her dress pants were wet and dirty from her fall.

We chatted a bit while drinking the coffee: she told me about her modeling career and the places she had seen, how she met Emmet and the Cullens, and how she planned to quit her career once and for all as soon as she got pregnant. In return, I told her about myself, skillfully omitting everything that had to do with any member of the Cullen-Clan or my mother.

"Can I ask you a question?", I nodded and she continued, "Please don't get this wrong- I'm just curious- how come you have cameras and mics in your apartment?"

I couldn't help myself and rolled my eyes," My dad is not only very protective of me and my little angel, he is also a cop. When I first got here, I lived with my aunt and her husband and the fact that there was a male around appeased him some – some being the key word here- but once I told him about my plans to move into my own apartment...um..he kinda went overboard and said I'd have to chose between the surveillance equipment in my own apartment here in Portland, or him dragging me down back to Forks where he could have an eye on me and make sure I was fine himself...", I trailed off at the end and shook my head at the memory of said conversation.

"He loves you.", Rosie stated with a chuckle, but there was also a faint hint of sadness in her eyes. I was about to ask her about her own parents, when my gaze fell on the digital display on my DVD-player that announced it was close to noon.

Since Rosie and I had both emptied our mugs, I took them over to the sink to clean them, leaving Josie's still half-full cup of cocoa on the table.

"Mommy? Can I watch a movie with..." I turned back around to face the couch, patiently waiting for Josie to finish her sentence. Only, she kept silent, refusing to say Rosie's name.

"With whom, bunny?", I inquired, hoping that she would answer my question verbally. She only pointed over to Rosie, though. "Bunny, you know her name. Can you say it?", I asked. Josie only shook her head 'no', blushed and then looked down at her lap, while Rosalie looked questioningly at me. I held a finger up for her to wait a minute, "Ok, sweetie, but I think you should ask Rosie herself if she wants to watch a movie with you."

I walked back over to where they were sitting while Josie asked her new friend Rosalie. Josie all but jumped off the couch and darted for her room when Rosie said she would love to watch a movie with her. "Josie has a problem with speaking the letter 'r'. We used to practice that a lot, but one day in kindergarten, the kids all had to introduce one child to the rest of the group, as a little interaction-task or whatever that was supposed to be. Anyway, the teacher picked Josie to introduce another girl called Rory Reinhard, and of course, she struggled with pronouncing the name correctly, which apparently caused a lot of the other kids to laugh at her and give her a hard time about it afterward. She cried a lot that day and downright avoids saying any word that contains an 'r' or at least replaces it with other letters. I tried everything to get her to practice with me again, but as you may can tell, she is also very shy and that incident really did a number on her. She's afraid of people laughing at her again...I found a speech therapist to help me help her with that. I love my little angel unconditionally and if she never got to say that damn letter correctly, that would be perfectly fine with me, but I can't stand to see her so sad and ashamed because of that. She's only five years old, and yet she feels inadequate. That's just not right!" My voice broke slightly at the end. Rosie reached over to grab my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, while I quickly wiped the single tear away that had escaped my eye when I heard Josie's feet patter on the carpet.

I grabbed her and lifted her up as she hurried past by me and kissed her nose and head several times, before placing her on the couch next to Rosalie. She held out her favorite Spongebob -movie out for me to take and then draped her fleece Hello Kitty blankie over Rosie's and her own legs.

"You know what, Josie? Even though I like being called Rosie way better than being called Rosalie, I like my middle name the best!", Rosalie stated and beamed down at my little girl.

"What's you middle name?", Josie took the bait and asked curiously.

"Lily. But only my best friends call me that...hmm...would you like to be my best friend, Josie?", Rosalie asked her and I had to force myself to not kiss her face and head, like I did only moments ago to my Josie.

Josie agreed and I leaned forward to whisper a sincere 'thank you' to Rosie and then went back into the kitchen to cook.

I placed the plate with sandwiches on the table in front of Rose, who had my daughters sleeping form in her arms and stroked her hair lovingly.

"That suits you!", I whispered to her and winked. "I'll be back in five- I just need to deliver something, ok?" She nodded and I went back over to the fridge to retrieve two casseroles: a bigger one filled with Lasagne and a smaller one that contained freshly made Tiramisu. I quickly left the apartment and knocked on the apartment door one floor above my own in no time.

I was met with a very tired and disheveled looking tall, blonde man once the door was opened. "Hey Bella!", he greeted me before yawning.

"Shit, James- I'm sorry! Did I wake you up?", I asked remorsefully.

"Nah, it's alright, I had to get up anyway. What can I do for you?", he replied while scratching his t-shirt clad chest.

"Oh..um...I got something for you...", I held the two vessels out for him to see, "...you know, to make amends for last night..!" I sounded rather sheepishly.

"Aw, Jeeeez B – what the hell? That really wasn't necessary! Oh God, is that your Lasagne?", he leaned closer towards the food and inhaled deeply. "Woman, you are a godsend! Come in!" James took the containers from me and I followed behind him as he walked into the kitchen.

"Too bad Vicky already left for work- otherwise you two could have had a nice little late lunch together!" I stated.

"Yeah, that sucks. She wasn't even supposed to work today, but two other nurses called in sick and we need the money, so...", he sighed and then placed the food in the fridge. "You gonna tell me what was up with the yelling last night?"

"James, I'm so sorry for keeping you from sleeping! It was...ungh...it's really complicated and fucked up and more like a I-can't-tell-this-without-some-booze-stories...I'll tell you another time, ok?" He nodded but looked slightly concerned. "I need to get back downstairs, but I'll see you around, k? And please, James, if you guys need anything, anything, just say the word, ok? I know you don't like to ask others for help, but I'm not 'others' and you know that!", I reminded him while patting his upper arm.

"Yes, ma'am!", he replied, nodding in agreement, and I wished he would really mean it.

I only realized that I was one casserole short to make the Lasagne for Josie, Ben and Angela tonight, when I reentered my apartment. I cursed myself out mentally for not doing the math beforehand and then contemplated my possibilities. Ange and Ben were both not at home, a drive to Charlotte would take too long...that left quickly buying a new one or massacring the second load of Tiramisu while decanting it into something else._..Buying a new one it is..._

"Hey Rose, would it be ok if I went out again real quick? I kinda need something for dinner..."

"Oh no, that's ok! I'd be glad to babysit this little angel of yours while you're gone!", she whispered back at me.

For a moment, I debated with myself if I could trust her enough to leave her alone with my precious little baby, but eventually decided that I could. I would be gone for thirty minutes, tops, and didn't think she would betray my trust. So I went.

I returned to my apartment twenty-eight minutes later, and what I saw when I opened my apartment door broke my heart and made my blood boil at the same time.

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><p><em><strong>Oooooh...whatever could that be? Soo, what do you guys think of the BellaRosie bonding? How do you like James and Victoria? Hmmm? Alright ladies, one more chapter to post and then that's that for today!^^**_

_**Thanks so much for reading!**_

_**~Sue**_


	13. Red HazeGreen Orbs

_**Edward**_

When I woke up this morning, my head had felt trice its regular size due to the excessive Jack drinking the night before; the throbbing, though unpleasant, had been tolerable. I had popped some aspirin and swallowed them with about half a gallon of water.

Ever since I had set foot into my parents' hotel suit, however, to attend the 'family meeting' my father had called in earlier, the throbbing had mutated into a sensation, that was more of a punching nature.

The first twenty-five minutes of this so-called meeting had been spent in silence; Alice had picked at and admired her manicured fingernails, whereas Emmet bounced his left leg up and down while looking back and forth between me and father as if in a tennis match. Mom had nervously played and fidgeted with the teardrop-shaped pendant of her gold necklace. Due to reasons unknown to me, neither Rose nor Jazz had been present, that left my father and myself; two participants in a staring contest, none willing to look away first.

The tension in the room had been palpable; we all waited for the first one to cut it with a knife.

All hell had broken lose when somebody finally did.

Alice had made some remark about how we all wasted her precious time- that had been the last straw for both my parents.

Over the years both, my brother and I- and ever since her parents died in a car accident and she came to live us- Alice too, were told off and chastised by my parents whenever we misbehaved, and for any kind of inappropriate behavior. Depending on how bad our crime had been, the punishments varied from being admonished by one of them or both, up to the withdrawel of certain privileges. Just like in most families, I assume.

But I have never witnessed both of them exploding like they had after Alice's remark.

My father practically yelled at her for her impertinent behavior not only just then, but also the day prior while at Bella's apartment. _Whatever that meant... _

When dad had finished his rant, my mother had taken over and told me off about my cheating with Tanya and Irina and the tape. The disgust and disappointment came off of her in waves; the hate I already felt for myself deepened immensely even though I never thought that that would have been possible after everything Emmet had revealed to me.

And then I had seen how my mother's eyed welled up with tears- something I had rarely witnessed happening before. My self-loathing reached new heights when I realized how my shame, my unfaithfulness, affected her – the woman that was usually almost as collected as my father. Knowing that hurt my heart a lot.

My heart, that had been broken for the first time the night my brother claimed that my love had played and cheated on me, only to crumble down and almost fall to ashes when she left without a word all those years ago, had been locked away, in chains even, so that the remnants could stay protected and unharmed in its place forever. Last night, the miserable mess left had been shattered some more, leaving only enough for me to keep on existing; the chains and lock that were meant to guard it constricted painfully around it then, torturing it mercilessly instead of keeping it safe.

I had meant to console my mother, but she had brought her attention to Alice and lashed out on her knowing about my shame and using it for her own interests. That did not sit well with Alice at all and she accused my mother of being a hypocrite for defending Bella all of a sudden when she had never liked her herself in the past.

I cringed at that statement.

They argued back and forth; my mom rectified that what Alice- and me- did had been wrong, regardless as to whether she liked Bella or not, whereupon Alice had replied that Esme should mind her own business.

That sure as hell did not sit well with my father and he had chastised her once again for her audacity and disrespect. Shit hit the fan when Emmet chimed in and bawled my father out for being a pharisee himself since his behavior, his own disrespect towards Bella, and that he basically threatened to take her daughter away from her if a paternity test would attested me to be the father of her child.

And that was the moment it all finally had made sense. As soon as the words 'paternity test' had left my brother's mouth it finally clicked and all the puzzle pieces finally fell into place. I finally comprehended what happened and why we were all here, in Portland. In Bella's apartment last night and, eventually, here, having this conversation.

"Now hold your fucking horses! All of you!", I yelled into the room, speaking for the first time ever since I stepped into the suite. "So that's it! That's the reason we are all here...you all knew! All of you knew about Bella being here and that she had a daughter to whom I could possibly be the father to, yet none of you thought I should know, too? None of you fucking cared?", my heart had increased its beating with every word spoken.

I looked over to where Emmet sat and pointed an accusatory finger at him," I should have been the first one you told about it! You know how broken and devastated I have been after she left, disappeared into thin air, and yet, the first person you called when you saw her was dad? You all have known for what, days- weeks now? How could you do this to me?" Emmet hung his head in what I assumed to be remorse, but I couldn't care less.

"And you",I looked over to where my parents were sitting next to each other on the loveseat, "How could you go behind my back like that? When apparently even Rose and Jazz where in on the secret, how could you leave me out of it? How could you keep this from me when I am the one this concerns the most, when I am the most fucking affected one? I HAD THE FUCKING RIGHT TO KNOW FIRST, BUT NOBODY SEEMS TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME! And now here I am, a fool who apparently can't trust anybody!", I bitterly spat at them.

"Edward..-", my mother started carefully, but I interrupted her immediately,"NO! Don't say it- I don't wanna hear anything right now! Do you have any idea how I feel right now? Has anyone of you ever, just for one second, thought about how I could feel about this when you went there BEHIND MY FUCKING BACK to confront Bella and demand a paternity test? A FUCKING PATERNITY TEST! Just tell me one thing- if she'd agreed on a test being done- when would you have told me? It takes a bit to get the results, so would you have told me while waiting for them, or afterwards? And if the test had come back, saying the child wasn't be mine, would you have told me at all? What if the test confirmed that the child indeed was mine, what would you have done then, father? How exactly would you have told me that not only have you found the one girl I loved and that she had a little girl now, and that YOU ALL went there and got a fucking paternity test done before telling me about it? Please enlighten me, because I'm dying to know how you'd have done that!"

I clenched my fists so tightly, the fingernails were painfully digging into my palms' flesh; the fact that nobody said a word aggravated me even more."ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!"

"You better watch your tone, young man! That's not how you talk to your mother or me! Show some respect and stop-", my father chided, but I cut him off immedeately, also.

"Respect? You're telling me to show some respect? Well, fuck me sideways, old man, you've got to be kidding me! How can you demand of me to show you some respect, WHEN YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME OR MY FEELINGS WHATSOEVER! All you've ever cared about was the family's name and reputation! I did everything you've asked me to do and it still was not enough for you to respect me? Or is that the exact reason why you don't- because I am- was- nothing but a puppet on a string? I'm studying to become an architect just like Emmet, you and grandfather did, so that the precious Cullen business can live long and fucking prosper! I never wanted to be a damn fucking architect- I only did that for you! I even agreed to marry a woman I don't love one bit just so that your beloved merger with Aro is guaranteed, so that you can cover both, the West and East coast now with your beloved buildings!" I yelled while trying to blink the red haze away that started to cloud my sight.

"But you know what? THE SHIT ENDS RIGHT NOW! I quit! I'm done! I won't spend- no, I downright refuse to spend the rest of my life working in a job I hate and be married to a woman I don't love!"

"The hell you won't, Edward!", my father replied, standing up from his seat. "You will stick by the plan and that's final! I won't let you throw everything, all your hard work and all the money we have spent, away for a stupid girl and her bastard child! You try and quit college and I will disown you!", he angrily spat back at me.

If it hadn't been for Emmet stepping between us, I probably would have punched my dad in the face. So, I did the next best thing in my steadily increasing anger: I knocked the glass table over. The red haze was in full force now.

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! GO AHEAD- DISOWN ME! I DON'T NEED YOU OR YOUR MONEY! I HAVE ENOUGH TO LAST A LIFETIME OF MY OWN THANKS TO GRANDDAD AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! BUT KNOW THIS, _FATHER_, YOU AND ME ARE THROUGH! WE ARE DONE! I'M DONE WITH ALL OF YOU! I WON'T LET YOU INTERFERE WITH MY LIFE ANY LONGER AND I WON'T LET YOU BETRAY ME EVER AGAIN! FUCKING THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR NOTHING! I'M OUT!", I yelled out one last time, and then stormed out of the suite, down the hallway and into my own room.

Within a little over an hour, I had grabbed and packed all my belongings, checked out of the damn hotel my 'family' stayed in and both, found and checked in into another one

I knew that driving my car in an aggravated state as I had been in wasn't the most reasonable thing to do, but I had to physically distance myself from the others.

When I was done unpacking my shit in my new room, I had considered to take a drink to calm me down some more, but I knew there was something else I had to do, and I had no intention to add driving under the influence of alcohol to the long list of things I have had done wrong, so I didn't.

After smoking four cigarettes, I left the hotel and drove to the place my whole world had been turned upside down at not even twenty-four hours ago: Bella's apartment.

I had to know the truth and she was the only one that could give me the clarity I needed.

I could tell that my palms were sweaty when I raised them to knock on her apartment door; my heart was beating fast again.

When the door was opened, the face that greeted me wasn't the one I had expected to see, though. The surprise seemed mutual, since the person greeting me looked just as irritated as I felt.

"Rose, what are you doing here?

"Edward..I could ask you the exact same thing..", she replied and looked rather nervous as she stood there in the doorway, effectively blocking my view into the apartment.

"I need to talk to Bella- could you just let me in, please? It's really important."

"Look, Edward, I do think that you and Bella should talk, but this really isn't the best time and I really don't think letting you in-", I cut her off by gently pushing her to the side and stepping into the apartment. I pretty much had enough of people telling me what to do for one day.

"Fine then, I'll wait until she returns", I said and walked over to the couch to sit down. Looking back up in her face, I saw her nervously chewing the inside of her cheek. I was about to ask her what that was about, when I heard the sound of feet patter on the carpet coming from somewhere behind me.

"Lily- look what I-", the excited voice stopped mid sentence. I turned my head to the side so that I could take a look at the person whom the unfamiliar, girlish and clear voice belonged to, even though I had a pretty good idea.

My mouth went dry and I think my heart skipped a beat or two when my eyes fell on the little girl standing only a few steps away from me.

She looked so much like Bella: heart-shaped face, fair skin, cute little nose, long and dark hair- even though her hair color was a little lighter; even her lips had the same shape and fullness.

The most prominent difference, however, were the pretty little girl's eyes. I'd recognize those eyes everywhere and out of a million others – she had my mother's eyes. _My eyes..._

"Who ahw you?", the little one asked carefully and timidly, while studying me intently.

"I'm...my name is Edward...Wha-...what's your name?", my own voice was shaky and croaky as I stuttered the words out. The girl chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments and I felt the need to reach out and free it from her teeth before they could do any damage.

"My name is Josie Swan. ...Are you Lily's fwiend?", she replied and I noticed the slight frown on her face as she hesitantly stepped closer to me.

_Josie_.

Josie Swan-the name sounded so right, yet so wrong at the same time.

I assumed that Rose had told her about her middle name, Lillian, and so I nodded my head. "Yes, I'm one of Rosalie's friends."

Josie was standing almost in front of me, and I really had to restrain myself from grabbing and then holding her close to me; the pull I felt towards her was so strong._ And so familiar... _

The frown on her face had deepened, as if she was trying to solve a complicated riddle, all the while staring into my face.

She made a move to climb on the couch next to me so I scooted a bit over to the other side, granting enough space for her to do so. She moved quickly and stood on the couch in no time, next to where I was sitting; with one hand she held on to the cushioned head rest, while the other one slowly moved up towards my face.

My eyes never moved away from her pretty little face, and especially not from her eyes that were framed by long, dark lashes. Those green orbs I knew so well and yet didn't.

Her little finger softly traced along my nose and then my left eyebrow, while it got harder and harder for me to breathe. Her index finger moved a little lower and I thought she was going to poke me in the eyeball, but she only moved it slowly over my bottom row of lashes.

"You ahw scwatchy!", she stated when she placed her hand on my jawline and the stubble there. Her touch was so gentle and felt so right to me. The tugging on my heart was back, but this time it felt slightly different: it was painful, yes, but there was also something else. Something I haven't felt in a really long time.

"I know, I'm sorry baby!", I answered. My voice was even croakier than before and I noticed the tingling in my eyes.

She was back to frowning," I'm not baby, I'm _bunny_!", she corrected me as if that was an obvious and well-known fact.

"Of course you are", I answered with nothing but a whisper, as I felt the first tear rolling down my cheek.

Her eyes widened and she quickly wiped it away with her hand "Don't cwy!", she pleaded while placing the other hand on my face as well to wipe the moisture away, since the waterworks were in full motion.

And I just couldn't take it anymore- it was too much but not enough at the same time.

I placed my hands under her arms and pulled her close to me, so that she was standing on my shaky legs while my arms encircled her tiny body and my face was buried in her neck. Hugging her to me, I inhaled her sweet scent deeply and it just felt so right to have her so close to me.

_It felt like home._

I instantly knew then, that I wanted her and needed her to be mine; that she _was _mine and that I would never let her go again.

I don't know how long I held on to her like that, but she never made any attempt to move away from me. In fact, she wrapped her arms around my neck as best as she could.

"What the heck is going on in here?", a familiar female voice interrupted the peace of my new-found sanctuary, eventually.

My arms tightened around my daughter's little body on their own accord.

I wouldn't let her go again anytime soon.

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><p><em><strong>Oh boy...! So yeah, that was Edward telling his family off (aka the day he got his balls back) and meeting Josie...what do you guys think? <strong>_

_**Thanks so much for reading! Sorry for my writing/grammar mistakes!**_

_**~Sue**_


	14. Interlude

_**Alright, I know I said I'd stop updating for the day after the last one, but to make amends for keeping you waiting for so long and to even out the amount of chapters over here- you get yet another one! So yeah, five chapters in one day! =)**_

_**Thanks so much for the lovely reviews I got so far! I really appreciate all the support! **_

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><p><em><strong>Edward<strong>_

Slowly, I raised my head and looked up to where Bella was standing in the doorway of her apartment, her cheeks were flushed probably due to the cold air outside In one of her hands she held a carry-all bag, whereas the other one was balled tightly into a fist. I could tell by the scowl on her face that she was pretty angry to find me sitting here, but as soon as our eyes met, her gaze changed from anger to one of sadness.

We just stared at each other. There were so many things I wanted to say and ask her; I wanted to confront her and yell at her for keeping this from me, for leaving me with nothing while she took half of me with her when she left.

But I just couldn't find my voice.

I wanted to smash my fist against solid surfaces as an outlet for all my anger; I wanted to grab her and hold her close to me and just cry.

But I simply couldn't move and risk loosing the feeling of this little, precious body in my arms. I needed to hold on to her to keep me sane and to hold me together. I just couldn't let go of her yet, not so soon.

I don't know what it was- the sight of my bloodshot eyes due to my crying, or if she could see and understand that I couldn't stand it if she would take the little one away from me. _Again. _Whatever it was, she sighed resignedly and for a split second, it looked as if she was about to step over to me, but with the blink of an eye, the moment was gone and so was the hint of sadness in her eyes; her demeanor changed and she was back to being angry. She stomped over to Rosalie, who stood near the hallway Josie emerged from only minutes ago and bit the inside of her cheek again, grabbed her by the arm and dragged her over to the kitchenette at the far end of the room.

"You bettahw now?", Josie murmured against my shoulder, effectively bringing all my attention back to her.

"A little bit", I admitted with a sigh; turning my head to the other side, I noticed a purple Hello Kitty blanket next to me on the couch. "Is that yours, Josie?", I asked while reaching out for the soft fabric. She turned her head to the side to take a look at what I was talking about and then looked back up to me, nodding her head eagerly "Uh-huh".

"Do you like that?", I asked her while pointing at the face of the cat that was displayed at the blanket's center. Again, I received enthusiastic head-nodding. "Yes!", she answered with a smile. I saved that little bit of information to my memory. _Christmas was just around the corner after all... _"I have lots of that in my woom! And lots of bunnies, too!", her face lit up even more as she continued to talk. My interest was instantly piqued.

"In your room?..Would you...can I see it?", my voice was shaky as the words left my mouth. Josie clapped her hands once gleefully and I took that as a yes; raising from my seat on the couch, I carried her while she directed me over to where her room was.

I was immediately greeted by bright colors as I stepped in to the room: the wall on to my right was painted in in a rose-violet color with little sunny-yellow bunny-shaped outlines on it, whereas the opposite side was painted in sunny-yellow but with the outlines of rose-violet butterflies on it; except for the wooden rocking chair that was placed in the far left corner next to the window, all the shelves, the bed and closet were colored white.

As my eyes roamed around her room, my eyes fell upon something on top of her closet that hurtfully reawakened the pain that had slightly subsided ever since I held the precious little girl in my arms: Bella's pregnancy belly plaster cast.

The whole cast actually displayed Bella's complete torso and resembled a long, female v-neck tank top, as it reached from under her belly all the way up and over her shoulders. The whole thing had been painted in turquoise and had the words '**Baby Girl Swan ~ 9 months ~ **' written around the womb in yellow, and some magenta-colored flowers and hearts in the middle of it.

The chains wrapped around my heart tightened and squeezed once again, and I had to bite down on my lip as to not sob or cry out.

"That's me!", Josie stated excitedly as she pointed at the cast, apparently she had followed my line of sight. I walked over to the closet," I know, baby", my eyes never leaving the cast.

"Ungh...but I'm _bunny_- not baby!", she countered with a frown.

I couldn't help but chuckle and then tease her a bit, "But look, here it says...", I raised one hand and pointed along the letters above the belly," Baby...Girl...Swan!..It doesn't say Bunny Swan...hmm...I guess I can call you Baby, then..."

"Weally?", she asked skeptically while scrunching up her cute little nose.

"Uh-huh"

She frowned some more, but then placed both her palms on my cheeks and squeezed them together some, "But,..I like Bunny..", she pouted while giving me her best sad puppy look. That little imp knew exactly what she was doing- that face was dangerous...I almost caved. Almost...

"Me, too, but I like calling you Baby, also ! Can I call you both?", I stuck my own bottom lip out a bit in an attempt to copy her pout. She padded it with her index finger and agreed. I kissed her on the cheek once and was about to walk over to the shelves to take a look at her books and the picture frames, but she started to wiggle around in my arms.

"What are you doing? You ok?", I asked her with amusement.

"Gotta pee!", she replied bashfully.

"Oh. ok...um...can you do that alone or do you need help?"

"I can do it!", she answered and moved her eyes up as if she was about to roll them, but without actually rolling them. I chuckled again, gave her another kiss on the cheek, then placed her on the ground and let go of her "I'm waiting here for you"

She hurried out of the room and I missed her instantly.

Sighing, I took off my coat and scarf I was still wearing, draped both items over the rocking chairs' head rest and then went over to the shelves. My eyes roamed over all her different toys, books, dolls and stuffed animals, her DVD's and CD's, stuffed animals and painting books.

But then I took in the picture frames and the smile left my face immediately. As I studied them, one after the other, the fact that I missed out on so much was slammed back at me like a punch in the face.

Out of all the frames, one in particular stood out, though. I felt my eyes well up with tears again as soon as my eyes settled on it. It was a silver panorama frame with five different, yet identical pictures in it: Bella herself was in the middle, to her left was one of Chief Swan and then another one of a dark-haired women I didn't recognize, whereas to her left was one of an unfamiliar couple and then, the last one, of a grown up Jacob; they all held a little bundle wrapped in a rosy blanket in their arms. My eyes dropped lower to the bottom of the frame where someone had written the date **December 10****th**** 2005 **on it with a golden pen.

It was a birth date.

_Josie's_ birth date.

She was turning five in a few days.

I had missed five years of her life.

And there was no way for me to get them back.

Ever.

The realization crippled me, made my knees go weak and I quickly sat down in the rocking chair before they'd give out. Sobbing and crying, I buried my tear stained face in my hands.

Until little fingers pried them away and I came face to face with my green-eyed little angel again. "Why you cwying again?", she asked with sad eyes while still holding on to my hands.

I picked her up and brought her close to me once again; she straddled my lap and I cupped her little face in my hands. "I'm sorry, baby...it just...it hurts so much..."

Her eyes widened a bit, "You have an ouchie?", she asked as she quickly checked my face and hands for any injuries. I could only nod sadly at her.

"Wheahw?"

How do you explain something like that to a little child?

I tapped the place where my heart sat with my index finger and watched as her eyes widened even more as she followed the movement with them. "Oooooh, that's a bad one!", she stated worriedly before biting down on her lip.

"Yes it is,...but you make it all better...you're the only one who can make it better right now, baby girl", I explained as a new wave of moisture found its way down my face.

She placed her hand over my heart and rubbed the spot carefully, "That's what mommy always says when she has them!"

"Mommy has them, too?", I asked with a croaky voice while wiping my tears away with one hand , and stroking her cheek with the other.

She nodded, "Hmm...she cwies a lot then, too...but mommy and I have a twick that makes evewy ouchie bettahw fast...wanna see?"

It was my turn to nod, and then I watched her lean forward and place a kiss on the fabric of my sweater, over the place where my heart was.

It was in that moment, caused by the innocent yet endearing gesture of this precious little creature, that I felt how some of the shattered pieces of my broken heart were slowly put together again. The pain I felt there still was agonizingly, yet the hole in my chest felt not quite as big as before.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled Josie even closer to me, her head resting against my chest while I stroked the soft tresses she called hair. " Thank you, baby girl – that was exactly what I needed...can I keep you here with me a little longer..until it all goes away?"

She nodded her head while snuggling closer into my chest. I placed a lingering kiss on the top of her head before starting to rock us back and forth in the chair lazily; listening to her breathing and bathing in her warmth.

My sanctuary.

She fell asleep some time later with her hand still resting over my heart. I pulled my coat from the headrest of the chair behind me and covered her body with it, before eventually falling asleep myself.

Half of my heart safely wrapped in my arms.

_**Bella**_

"What the heck is going on in here?", I hissed at nobody in particular.

I was petrified.

Frozen into place.

I was pissed.

Ready to lash out.

But then he looked up and it broke my heart. His eyes were bloodshot as he held on to Josie for dear life; there was just so much sadness around him- he appeared downright lost and forlorn.

Seeing him like this, holding my-_our_- daughter in his arms, caused all the guilt I felt for keeping her from him to hit me like a wave, threatening to almost drown me with its force. The question I have asked myself so often for the last years, whether I had made the right decision to not tell him about her, was answered in that exact moment.

I had been wrong.

In a moment of remorse and weakness, all I wanted to do was reach out and pull him into my arms to console him. It pained me to see him so broken, and, if it wasn't for the fact that I suddenly realized that _Edward_, the one person that had broken and betrayed me so long ago, was the one sitting in my apartment, I'd probably just done that.

I did, however, realize that it was him and the moment of weakness passed quickly again. _What the fuck was he doing here? How the hell did he get in here..._

_Rosalie._

Insidious Bitch!

Furious, I stomped over to where Rosalie was standing, grabbed her arm and dragged her with me over to the kitchen area. "So much for you not being a snitch, huh? So much for you being trustworthy, huh? I can't believe I fell for your little show! Well, you just can't trust a Cullen- no matter if the name comes with birth or marriage, huh?", I whisper-yelled angrily at her while poking her repeatedly in the shoulder with my finger.

I would have loved to punch the living shit out of her perfect face- and then his as well since that one was long overdue- but I couldn't. _At least not as long as my daughter was around_.

I swear, only the Cullen's could evoke this violent side of me!

"Bella, I swear I have nothing to do with this! I didn't even want to let him in but he just walked past by me! You've got to believe me! I would never do something like that, betray somebody's trust like that! I swear...please..!", she whispered agitatedly back at me.

"Save that shit for somebody who cares! Why does your damned family think they could do whatever the fuck they want and get away with it? If you think that I wouldn't go through with what I said yesterday about the tapes and mics- you sure as hell underestimate me! You try and take my daughter away from me and I will make sure that none of you will see the light of day anytime soon again!", I spat out, trying hard not to raise my voice above a whisper.

"Listen to me!", she demanded and held on to my wrists to keep my arms down and prevent them from being all over the place since I moved them around agitatedly, " A few minutes before you returned someone knocked at your door so I opened it- and yeah, that someone was Edward- he wanted to talk to you but, I told him you weren't at home and that he'd better come back some other time. He just wouldn't listen to me, though, and simply walked in! No sooner was he in the apartment, Josie came out of her room and then...I don't know they just...clicked? He had her in his arms ever since... What was I supposed to do- snatch her away from him and hide?", Rosalie countered upset as well. For a moment we just glared at each other, but then her demeanor changed back to being sad and troubled. "Lock at them, Bella...lock at him...how could I have done that to him?"

My head turned to the side, back in the direction of the living area of the room, just in time to see Edward raise from the couch and carry Josie down the hallway; both of them smiling.

I automatically went to follow them but Rosalie held me back. "Please, Bella, don't take that away from him...he already missed out on so much and-", she cut herself off.

"I know that, ok!", I hissed at her again, "Don't think I never thought about telling him...I just...I just couldn't...Don't you dare and judge me after everything I've been through! They almost destroyed me and the only thing good that came out of this whole fucked-up disaster is my little girl! And I couldn't...I couldn't let them take her...away from..me...I..just..c-couldn't...I-", the last bit of my sentence was drowned by the the sound of my crying and sobbing against Rosalie's shoulder as she pulled into her arms and held me there.

"Shh...it's ok, Bella...it's ok, sweetie...", she whispered while stroking my hair and back. "I'm not judging you...but, I think that...keeping him from seeing her...now that he knows...that would be just cruel...I know that he hurt you...and he may deserve a lot of things...but not this.."

" I never...meant...to"

"I know...but that's what you need to tell him. You and Edward need to talk, about everything...as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the worse it will get...and it's already been years now.."

I nodded against her shoulder, crying and digesting what Rose just said. I knew she was right; deep down I had probably known all along but that didn't make it any easier.

On the contrary.

It scared me, intimidated me.

And that fact made me angry again.

Apart from the glimpse at him last night and earlier today, I haven't looked him straight or said a word to him in the eyes for over five years now, and still I was ought to lay myself and my heart bare in front of him.

All my carefully built walls were threatened to be destroyed and I knew that. How was I supposed to have that conversation with him, when merely thinking of him hurt like nothing else? How come I was the one feeling bad when he was the one to fuck everything up to begin with; when it was his betrayal that caused me to make the decisions I made? Why the hell does it still hurt to think about it, even after all this time?

When exactly did everything turn into such a clusterfuck?

I sighed resignedly before squeezing Rosalie and then let go of her. She excused herself to use the bathroom, but I knew that she went to give me some privacy; to leave me alone with my thoughts and make a decision.

Pulling out a container of _Ben&Jerry's Chocolate Therapy _ice- cream out of the freezer, I contemplated what was going to come later on...

Edward and I would talk- that much was inevitable.

It was going to get ugly- that much was certain.

The outcome- that much was unknown.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Umm...yeah...that was that! Who wants some Chocolate Therapy ice cream as well? =) As you probably can tell, there is a big and long overdue confrontation coming up soon! What did you guys think of the EdwardJosie interaction?^^**_

_**Thanks so much for reading! Next chapter should be up in a few days!**_

_**~Sue**_


	15. A Long Night

**A/N: _Aloha! I just wanted to say a quick but honest 'thank you' to everybody who is giving this a try and especially those who left a review for the previous chapters! So...THANK YOU!_**

**_Alright, on with the story!_**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Bella<strong>_

"Pssst...Bella!", Rosalie whispered as she returned from the bathroom and motioned for me to follow her. I obeyed and followed behind her as she walked to where Josie's room was. She stopped in the doorway with a goofy grin on her face, leaving enough space for me to stand there myself.

I couldn't help but gasp when my eyes found what she obviously was so excited about.

There was Edward, laying peacefully asleep in the rocking chair, holding on to an equally passed out Josie that snuggled his chest; both of them were covered by what looked like Edward's gray coat. Since both their faces were facing the window, I couldn't quite make out their facial expressions, but I had my suspicions.

As soon as I stepped forward, inside the room, Rosalie took my hand in hers and I thought she was trying to hold me back one again, but when I turned around to look at her, I found her smiling encouragingly at me. I squeezed her hand once and then we both tip-toed to the far end of the room.

I couldn't help but smile as my eyes fell upon their relaxed faces, both of their mouths slightly opened.

They just looked so right together.

Perfect.

Like they belonged together.

_Like father and daughter._

Inspiration struck me when I saw Rose taking out her cell and taking a picture of the two sleeping forms. I hurried out of Josie's room and into my own, grabbed my digital camera and immediately hurried back to take some pictures myself; all the while trying my hardest to ignore the painful tugging on my insides.

Except for Edward minutely knitting his brows together, neither he nor Josie stirred while Rose and I took one photo after the other of them. When we left them to their slumber again, Rose made a beeline for the bathroom, while I walked back into the living to clean up and put the uneaten sandwiches away. I was just about to grab my phone and text Angela about the new situation and that I wasn't sure whether dinner was still on or not, when a very pale looking blonde walked over to me.

"Rose..are you ok? You're awfully pale!" I walked over to her, just in case.

She didn't answer me with words, but held up her left hand instead, so that I could see what she was holding in it.

_The pregnancy test. _

Has she taking it while here?

Oh my God.

"Are you..?", I didn't need to finish my question, since the corners of her mouth raised up and she flashed me a bright smile. She only managed to nod once confirmatory before I pulled her into my arms and hugged her.

In that moment, I didn't care that I just met her and under such bad circumstances nonetheless, or that I hated her whole family; it didn't matter. In that moment, I only cared about Rosalie. From the way she looked at Josie and her answer regarding the pregnancy test in the store earlier, I could tell that she really wanted this, that she had wished for this to happen. I was happy for her, despite my personal drama and dilemma.

She squeezed me tightly once but then pulled back, grinning like the Cheshire cat. "I've got to call Emmet..oh God, Bella!...Oh my God...", she actually squealed a bit and then grabbed her phone. I motioned for her to use my bedroom for that talk, which lead to her pecking my cheek once and then walking towards the room I had pointed out for her.

She returned after about ten minutes, the phone pressed against her chest, "Bella? Would it be ok if Emmet joined us for a few? He is..ungh...he was on his way over here anyway- I didn't ask him to, though- but, I wasn't sure if that was ok with you.?", she trailed of, looking more like a little girl than a grown up woman.

Was I okay with Emmet coming over-again? Probably not, but since shit was about to hit the fan as soon as Edward and I would have our little chat anyway, it didn't really matter. So I told her it was fine and tried really hard to come up with something I could busy myself with while the both of them would enjoy their happiness and Josie was still sleeping.

Of course, by the time Emmet arrived at my apartment, I hadn't been able to come up with anything else, so I started preparing dinner, even though it was still too early for that.

Neither did I look up when Rose opened the door to let her husband in, nor did I turn around to greet him in welcome after he stepped into the apartment; I left them to themselves. I did, however, hear the jubilant words they exchanged, but I tried really hard not to listen too closely; it was their moment after all.

_A moment I would have loved, would have given everything for, to have on my own a while ago._

I don't know how long the two of them spent in their little bubble, but as soon as I placed the casserole into the oven, I heard them approaching.

"Isabella...?"

Taking a deep breath, I slowly turned around to finally face them. "Emmet..", I nodded my head once in greeting, but that was that. Just like the other night, I leaned back with my back against the counter top, sans the easily breakable glass of water in hand, though.

What followed then was an uncomfortable silence; both Emmet and myself tried to look anywhere but at each other and failed miserably, while Rosalie's eyes ping-pong'd back and forth, traveling from one of us to the other.

Realizing, that neither her hubby nor me would try to deepen the conversation, she eventually sighed, grabbed the plastic bag from the store that Emmet apparently brought with him, took some stuff out of it and then went and locked herself in my bathroom.

Effectively leaving me alone with the big, muscular, I-really-really-need-to-starting-think-before-I-act-and-open-my-damn-fucking-mouth- elephant in the room, that goes by the name of Emmet Cullen...

_Fucking shit! Thanks for nothing, Blondie!_

Folding my arms over my chest, I sighed myself; completely at a loss as to what to do about this situation. And from the uncertain look that was plastered on his face while he scratched his neck, it was safe to assume that it was the same for him.

Eventually, I had enough of our awkward semi- stare-off, so I went over to the fridge and grabbed all the vegetables I'd need in there, then rinsed everything with water in the sink, before placing all the items on the counter.

It was one of my little quirks- whenever I was nervous, agitated and slash or stressed out, I had to do something with my hands to keep myself busy; mostly, it was cleaning or cooking. My apartment was clean, so that only left cooking and since the Lasagna was already in the oven I had to find something else- so, preparing a salad it was. Although...my windows could use a cleaning, also...

Getting the cutting board, a cutting knife, and two bowls, I placed them also on the counter top and then started chopping the lettuce.

"Isabella,...I...I think I really owe you an apology..for everything?", Emmet started rambling nervously again.

I didn't look up from the chopping board, nor did I stop cutting the lettuce or look up at his face; I couldn't help but hear the sincerity in his voice.

_Fucker!_

"Uh-huh. And what exactly are you sorry for?", I asked as casually as possible, while grabbing some bell peppers to remove the stems.

He sighed deeply and I heard him move closer to me. I looked up to see what he was up to, just as he walked past me and opened the kitchen drawer that contained all the cutlery and other kitchen utensils. He grabbed another knife and then Josie's little pink cutting board that she used whenever she helped me cooking, and went to stand next to me on the counter.

I tried my hardest not to smile or even laugh out at the sight of this big and brawny man, as he placed the board in front of him and then placed some tomatoes on it. Instead of peeling the green of and then cut them, he merely stared them down with his brows knitted together as if in deep concentration, though._ Oh for the love of everything Holy..._

"Don't tell me you've never done this before!", I almost shrieked at him in shock.

Turning his head towards me, Emmet gave me the stink eye before demonstratively removing the green from the tomatoes. "Just because we used to have a chef and other staff at home doesn't mean I'm completely useless, you know..", he said while slaughtering his first victim.

"You're squashing it!..Stop using so much force...dude, you need to be gentle-"

"That's exactly what I tell him all the time!", Rosalie chimed in from behind us, effectively cutting my lecture off. Both, Emmet and my head whipped around to where she was standing with agrin plastered on her face. _Oh Jeeeez..._

"Aw damn it, Rosalie! TMI!", I whined; cringing from the mental image.

"Just for you, _Isabella.._", she said with a smirk as she looked through all my cupboards, until she found a glass and then filled it with the OJ Emmet apparently brought with him.

She quickly downed two glasses in a row. " I can't take the other pregnancy tests as long as I don't need to pee", she answered with a shrug as a reply to the questioning look I gave her.

We continued like that for a little while: Emmet and me chopping the veggies for a salad I originally had not planned in for dinner, and Rosie drinking more juice or water from the tab.

Eventually, she left the kitchen and went back to use my bathroom again, though..

And I was back to the start...

I ordered Emmet to chop the cucumber while got some Feta cheese from the fridge to put it into the salad as well...- if I was going to make an unnecessary salad, I might as well do it right. Besides, I couldn't shake of the feeling that Ben and Angela weren't the only guests I would have over for dinner.

_Fucking A!_

_Should I just kick them out?...Rose staying was fine...but I couldn't just let her stay and kick her hubby out,...or could I? Dipshit could chop as many veggies as he might, it wouldn't change anything! Fucking home-invading asshole...And what about the whole clusterfuck with Edward?...FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!_

"I still owe you an apology, Isabella..", he started again after a few moments of silence, interrupting my internal rant.

"Why don't you just cut the crap? Neither do I want, nor do I need anything from you or anyone else of that precious little family of yours! I never did! But apparently that's too hard for all of you to understand! You all fucked me over left, right and center for years, but I kept up with it for _his_ sake, only to get stabbed in the back in return. And now, after everything I've been through, after I have finally left everything behind me and live my life, you all come stomping back in it; as reckless and inconsiderate as ever." I spat out through gritted teeth, while dropping the cheese cubes into the salad bowl, before turning to face him, " An apology wouldn't change anything. At all. So, save your breath for someone who cares!" I didn't wait for a response, but turned back around and rinsed the knife and cutting board I used in the sink.

" I know that we- that _I_- royally fucked up so much regarding you. I just...I really am sorry for that. For what I did back then..and for everything that happened yesterday! I didn't know that-...", Emmet started, but I cut him off immediately; I could feel my blood beginning to boil again.

"Exactly! That's the whole point, Emmet! You didn't know anything back then- not about me, not about Jacob or our_ friendship_! Yet, you assumed that all the _false_ rumors about me were true- without so much as exchanging more than three words at a time with me whenever we met! Without even knowing me! And on top of that, you apparently wasted no time telling your family all about it- just like you obviously did after the day in the mall!", I angrily ranted on, while furiously drying my hands with a towel and simultaneously trying my hardest not to raise my voice even more than I already did.

"I just thought that Edward had a right to-", he tried to explain his actions, but I cut him off once again.

"Oh, so all of you go by the name of Edward nowadays?", my voice was laced with sarcasm, "kind of an unusual name for females, don't ya think? Tell me, how come that your brother seemed rather confused yesterday about all the things that he discovered here, when you were oh so concerned about him being left in the dark?", I stopped to fill my lungs with some much needed air, since all that came out in a string of words, before continuing," I can tell you why- because you ran to your father first, just like the good and loyal little lapdog you are, and gave him the full report, that's why!"

Slamming the towel on the counter top, I was about to walk away and put some distance between myself and the fucking prick- for his own safety- but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. There still was some distance between us, but he didn't let go of my arm.

"You are right! Everything you just said is true- I'm not gonna deny it! You have every right to think of, and say to me whatever you want- it's probably all true anyway, but you've got to believe me when I say that I am so sorry. I did what I did because I thought it was best for my family, not out of malignancy! I swear, that I would have never said a word if I would have known about the consequences! I'm not expecting, or asking you to forgive me just like that, but, please Isabella, just tell me what to do to make it at least a bit better; to make amends for everything I've done...!", he pleaded with me, and the sincerity in his voice was easily to detect.

"Not calling her 'Isabella' would be a good start, babe - she hates it!", Rosalie suggested as she re-entered the kitchen area. Walking towards us, she lightly stroked my back in passing, and then stopped standing next to a downcast looking Emmet. _Who would have thought I'd ever get to see that?_

"With that being said, I just took the three additional test...and they were all positive! Chances are pretty good that I, indeed, am pregnant! I'm gonna make an appointment with my OB/Gyn first thing Monday morning, to get absolute clarity, though!", she rambled, and I knew she did that to ease the atmosphere; there was no doubt in my mind that she had heard everything we had said. "So, _Bella_, tell me where I can find plates and cutlery and I'll set the table. By the way, this stuff smells absolutely delicious!" _Yep, I was so going to have dinner with one half of the Cullen-Clan...who would have known I'd ever get to do that? Yay me!...I need my support system, like, now!_

I pointed out to her where to find everything she had asked for and then went to grab my phone out of my purse to send an emergency text to Angela. Only to find a text from Ben, saying that they both had to cancel the dinner invitation since Ange got the stomach flu. _Fuck. Me. Sideways! Could it get any worse?_

Fighting the urge to repeatedly hit my forehead against the next hard and solid surface, I walked back into the kitchen to prepare a light dressing for the salad.

_My_ kitchen that was somehow taken over by Cullen Home Invaders. I couldn't shake off the feeling that I had somehow gotten myself a new roommate, as I watched Rosalie buzzing around and looking through all my cupboards and drawers; searching for whatever she needed to set the table.

"Why are there five plates on the table, when there are only four of us here?", Emmet asked his wife after taking a look at my dining table.

"Edward", Rosie and I said simultaneously, causing Emmet's eyes to almost bulge out of their sockets.

"He is coming over?", he asked irritatedly.

"He is already here", I replied, but that only caused him look even more confused. I motioned for him to follow me and then walked over to Josie's room, with the both of them trailing behind me.

"Aw, man...", Emmet sighed as his eyes fell on his brother and the little girl, napping together in the rocking chair.

And all of a sudden, it all became too much. I don't know if it was seeing the two of them together again, the last twenty-four hours in general or both, but something triggered the tears that were about to spill over. "Dinner should be ready in a minute, you guys better wake them up, but go easy on Josie..", I said to none of them in particular and then went back into the kitchen hurriedly.

I quickly cleaned the counter top and washed the dishes.

All the while, wiping away the silent tears that found their way down my face.

_**Edward**_

Someone was trying to pull me out of one of the best slumbers I've ever had by pinching and shaking my shoulder.

Needless to say, I didn't like it one bit.

I groaned when I tried to roll to the side but didn't quite manage to, which caused someone to giggle.

A girlish, bell-like giggle from somewhere real close, that was accompanied by some movement on my chest.

Then, I detected some mumbling about sleeping beauties and bunnies, followed by more giggling.

_What the fuck was going on?_

I realized that my arms were tightly wrapped around something and that I was covered by an comfortable warmth...

"Eddie...Eddie...wake up!", ordered the bell-like voice, that caused the warmth that covered my body externally to penetrate my insides as well.

I knew that voice.

_Josie._

I willed my eyes to open immediately, but instantly regretted it as they were blinded by the bright light. I groaned out a 'good morning' and closed my eyes again, which caused several different voices to giggle and chuckle. _What was it with the giggling here? Wait..what? Several voices..?_

"Oh, you silly! It's not mowning...", Josie said as she placed her hands on both my cheeks.

I opened my eyes again, slowly this time, and couldn't help but smile when they settled on her adorable face. "You having fun?", I croaked out. She smiled widely at me while nodding her head. I brought one of my own hands up to stroke her cheek with the pad of my pointer finger. "Who told you to call me Eddie?"

I followed the direction of her hand with my eyes as she pointed over to where Rosalie and Emmet were standing._ Emmet? What the hell was he doing here?_

My confusion must have been written all over my face, since Rosie informed me that they woke us up so that we all could have dinner. Together. In Bella's apartment. All of us?

_What. The. Fuck?_

"It's a long story, I'll tell you during dinner.", she added before nodding her head at the door once, indicating for us leave Josie's room. "Tell me about it..", I mumbled to myself before raising from the rocking chair, my little girl still in my arms, and followed my brother and his wife down the hallway.

I couldn't get rid of the feeling that the long story was part of an even longer night...

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><p><strong><em>Sooo, what do you guys think? Was it any good? I'd love to hear your thoughts! =)<em>**

**_Until next time!_**

**_~Sue_**


	16. Out In The Open

**_A/N: Aloha, lovely readers! Again, I have to apologie for my irregular posting. RL has its was to interfere the most when you least ecpect it. Anyway, I would love to promise you all a steady posting schedule, but I'd rather make no promises at all than having to break them the next best time. I hope you understand. Just know that, no matter how long it takes for me to update, this story will be finished! I do feel bad since I really had close to time to get any writing done- that means that I'm not only behing with the posting here but also with updating/ writing in general! Again, I'm sorry and I'll try my best to fix all that as soon as I can._**

**_Alright, before you continue reading- be warned and prepared that it's going to get ugly! F-bombs being dropped left,right and center, cursing in general and 'light violence' coming your way... Ready. Set. Go_**

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><p><em><strong>Bella<strong>_

By the time my Rose, Emmet and Edward-with Josie in his arms- strolled back into the living, I had calmed myself down again. The tears had dried and my thoughts were organized; I had a plan:

I would bear having dinner with them all.

Then, I would kick Emmet and Rosalie out.

Edward and I would have a little...chat.

Then, I would kick him out, also.

Basta!

Finito!

Period!

Have a good life!

Thanks for nothing!

Don't ever turn back around!

And that would be that!

My resolve cracked a bit when I saw Josie placing her tiny hand on Edward's cheek causing him to look down at her with a smile.

_Fuck!_

I quickly averted my eyes from them, grabbed the salad bowl and placed it on my dining table. "Everything is ready...you guys can just sit down", I said while meeting nobody's eyes and went back to retrieve the Lasagna out of the oven.

"Mommy!", I turned around to the sound of my most favorite voice in the world, just as Edward placed Josie on the ground. Crouching down, I embraced her in my arms as soon as she reached me.

"How was your nap, sweetie?", I asked her, after I covering her face with kisses. Giggling, she nodded her head before reaching out for a strand of my hear to play with it. _Uh-oh..._

"Mommy...",_ here we go..._.,"can I sit with Eddie when we eat?" She looked into my eyes with her big, emerald ones and I could tell that she was only seconds away of sticking her bottom lip out to highlight her pleading. No idea who taught her that pouting like that would grant her pretty much everything- but she used it like a pro. _Adorable little imp! _

Looking over to where Edward was still standing, I caught him watching us intently; he, too, had that pleading look on his face- sans the pouting, though. I don't think he realized that he was pleading, he just was.

Another part of my resolve cracked.

"Do you like him?", I asked my little girl in a whispered voice as I brought my attention back to her. Smiling brightly, she nodded her head again, "Yes! He had an ouchie, but I made it bettahw!", she explained proudly but not without blushing slightly.

Brushing some of her hair out of her face, I leaned in and kissed her forehead gently,"I'm sure you did, my heart", I whispered against her skin and then raised back up, as I saw Edward approaching out of the corner of my eye. Grabbing some napkins, I asked Josie to place them on the table and then finally took the food out of the oven.

"Hi..", the all too familiar, smooth voice spoke from somewhere beside me.

"Hi.." Looking at the direction the voice came from, I noticed that Edward was standing closer than I had expected.

"We need to talk!", he said while folding his arms over his chest. His voice was laced with exhaustion and sadness, but there was also a hint of frustration and anger hidden underneath it. He probably tried to cover it- and he actually managed to- but I knew him better than that. _Well,..at least I thought I knew him well enough...STOP!_

Sighing, I nodded my head. "I know. But later, there's at least one pair of ears around too many!"

He took a look at the dining table and then nodded in agreement. "Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, that should be fine...I probably can find a babysitter until then..", with that being said, I walked over to the table and placed the Lasagna in the middle of it.

Rose and Emmet sat down to my right, whereas Edward sat down to my left, placing Josie on his lap. I took the chair next to him, but at the head of the table.

While the salad bowl was passed around, I placed a piece of Lasagna on Josie's plate and handed it over to Edward and told him to cut it into pieces, so that she could eat it more easily, before placing a larger one on his plate.

I watched him as he cut both pieces, so that they both would only need their fork to eat, before adding some salad on both their plates.

The first half of dinner was spent in relative silence, only the clacking of cutlery or the occasional compliment regarding the food was heard. All the while, Edward kept one hand securely wrapped around Josie's middle and pressed a kiss on the top of her head every now and then.

I tried my hardest not to watch them too often, but failed miserably. I just couldn't not look at them.

At least I wasn't the only one, since both Emmet and Rosalie couldn't take their eyes off of them as well.

Which lead to Emmet dropping some of the food on his sweater and pants instead of his mouth. "Shit!", he cursed absentmindedly while he tried to wipe the tomato sauce away with his napkin, and failed miserably.

"Oopsie!", Josie commented on his slip before reaching her hand out to him with her palm up and an expectant look on her face. Baffled, he repeatedly looked from her hand up to her face, before his eyes settled on me, asking for help.

"If you curse- you've got to pay a dollar! That's the rule..." I trailed off, looking at him pointedly in warning as to not curse in front of the little one, but I also couldn't help but smile at the dumbfounded look on his face.

Rosalie and Edward both chuckled as Emmet intentionally made an act out of paying up for Josie. However, when he looked up at Edward, the latter stopped chuckling immediately and focused back on Josie, who handed the dollar bill over to me. _Weird..._

As I refilled my glass with some water, I noticed that Josie's was empty as well. "Do you want some more to drink, Bunny?" She nodded her head yes, so I refilled half of her plastic cup as well, before placing the bottle back on the table.

"How come you call her Bunny?", Rosie asked while helping herself to more salad. "I think it's really cute!"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I guess my dad is to blame for that one. It all started with a romper suit he bought her for her first Easter holiday- it was a bright yellow and had a white bunny printed on it. He calledhe Bunny for the first time that day. Anyway, my dad has a whole range of nicknames for her-", my explanation was interrupted by my daughter.

"Ducky!", Josie chimed in with a giggle. I joined in before continuing, "For example! So, anyway, out of all the names he has for her, he uses Bunny the most. Last year, when dad was here to visit us, we went to the zoo together, and well, they have this little enclosure where you can pet all kinds of harmless animals like sheep, goats and-"

"Bunnies!", the little one excitedly chimed in once again, causing the whole table to laugh at her cuteness.

"Yes, bunnies, too! Needless to say, Josie immediately fell in love with the little fur balls and for the duration of his visit, my dad only called her Bunny and well, I guess it kinda stuck. By now, almost everybody uses that name for her most of the time and she loves it! So, yeah..."

By the time I was finished telling the anecdote, Rosie and Emmet were smiling brightly. Looking over at my little girl, I saw that Edward placed yet another lingering kiss on her head, his eyes were closed and it seemed as if he had tightened his hold on her little body a little more.

Trying to ease the sudden dryness of my throat, I gulped down half of the water in my glass at once.

When dinner was done, I sent Josie off to play some more before it was time for her bath. After a quick look in my direction as if to ask if it would be ok -and after I nodded my head in agreement- Edward immediately followed her into the living area. I actually thought that Rose and her husband would join them, but she actually stayed behind to help me clean up.

After the left overs were put in the fridge, I filled the sink with water and some dish soap and started cleaning the dirty glasses and dishes while Rose dried the clean items with a dishcloth. We worked like that in relative silence for a while, until she asked how I was coping.

For the life of me, I couldn't answer that question.

Ever since it knocked on my door for the first time yesterday, I haven't had enough time to take a deep breath and digest everything that had happened- on the contrary, it just kept adding up. It was too much. It was up to the point that I couldn't even make out which one of my emotions was the strongest- it felt as if, instead of feeling them individually, they had morphed into one massive force that threatened to slowly eat me up from the inside.

Without any boundaries. Without any warning. Without any loophole to slip through.

It just was.

Too much.

I told Rose as much.

Wrapping an arm around my shoulder, she pulled me into her side, "Everything is going to be fine, Bella. I know, I know..I'm the one talk here...! But seriously, you can make it work out! I can't even imagine how you must feel right now- both of you. Maybe it's not my place to give you some advice here since I haven't been around back then and don't know everything that went down; however, from the stuff I do know, though, I can tell that both of you suffered a great deal of unnecessary pain. And in my opinion it's enough.

I don't know about you, but I really need a friend, and I want us to become really good friends- so please don't take this the wrong way, but so much time has already been wasted and so much hurt had been inflicted...You guys have to draw the line somewhere! I'm not saying that you should welcome him with open arms or that you forget and forgive everything that happened between the both of you just like that- hell no! But you can't continue like before, either. It's enough!

We both know who would suffer the most here in the long run, and I really can't imagine that you would want that! It's not going to be easy, I'm not gonna lie, but if you won't do it for your own peace of mind, then do it for that little precious part of your heart that is extremely adorable and loves little fur balls a lot.", she finished her little speech and we both chuckled slightly at my little girls obsession.

In all honesty though, I knew that Rose was right. With everything. Again. _Damn her!_

Now that Josie and Edward have met, I couldn't deny them having a relationship- I wasn't that cruel and heartless.

_Hurt, disappointed, bitter, confused and angry on the other hand..._

I desperately tried to shush my merciless mind; tonight, left alone with my thoughts would be exhausting enough and I didn't even want to get started thinking more about the little chat I was going to have come tomorrow.

A few more hours spent in ignorant bliss wouldn't hurt, right?_...Right? _

We finished cleaning up shortly after that and Rose decided that it was time to tell Edward about their good news. Leaving them to themselves, I grabbed Josie to bathe her. All the while, she happily chatted away, telling me all about how much she liked her new grown-up friends- especially Eddie.

I was amazed by the fact that she felt an instant liking towards all of them. Usually, it takes her a little while to warm up to new people, but not with those three_...that was a good thing, right? _

By the time I had her out of the tub again and wrapped in a towel, it was already close to her usual bedtime. She pouted a bit when I reminded her about it while helping her getting dressed into her pj's, but when I told her there was still some time left to spend with her new friends, everything was ok again. _In her world, that is... _

Though she was eager to leave the bathroom, she asked me to braid her still wet hair into two plaits. As soon as I was done with her hair, she grabbed my hand and pulled me all the ay out of the bathroom and into the living.

"My, my...aren't you just the cutest thing ever!", Rosie gushed as she grabbed Josie and placed her on her lap. My daughter didn't disappoint in demonstrating that she, indeed was my daughter, by blushing a deep shade of red.

My gaze drifted over to where Edward was sitting at the far end of the sofa, intently watching Josie with a loving and longing intensity displayed in his eyes.

The wave of guilt that hit me in that moment was so strong, that I physically had to distance myself from them. From him.

Noticing that Josie was barefoot, since I forgot to grab socks for her earlier, I took that as a welcome excuse and quickly hurried into her room to get her a pair.

When I returned to join the others after a few much needed moments, Rose was gathering her belongings, while Emmet held Josie in his arms, already dressed in his coat.

"You guys are leaving?"

"Yeah, something came up...and well, I think I bothered you enough for one day!", Rosie answered my question with a wink. I noticed the slight undertone in her voice at the beginning of her sentence, though.

When she put on her on coat, Emmet placed Josie back on her own two feet and walked over to where I was standing, holding his hand out for me to shake. I took it hesitantly as he thanked me for dinner. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to say more, but he he left it that and stepped to the side as his wife approached us.

"Thanks for having us over and for the delicious dinner..-"; she started but I cut her officially

"It's not like you gave me much of a choice here...", I sighed overly dramatically to tease her. Even though we only got to know each other today, I already liked her a lot.

"Details!", she rolled her eyes, but then leaned in closer to me and whispered, "If he is giving you too much shit tomorrow, or if you just want to talk- call me!" She pecked my cheek once and then turned around to leave.

"Rose, wait! I don't have your phone number!" I said, already looking for my phone.

"On the fridge!", she sing-sanged over her shoulder before stepping into the hallway and closing the door behind her.

_Two down, one more to go...Literally!_

Leaving Edward and Josie to watch an episode of Spongebob Sqaurepants, I busied myself with calling my aunt Charlotte, to ask her if she would mind spending the next day with Josie, and then with doing some laundry.

By the time I was done, Josie was fast asleep in Edwards arms; wrapped in the Hello Kitty blanket she used earlier with Rose. I was about to walk towards them to take her slumbering form out of his arms and put her in her bed, but as soon as he noticed me approaching, he raised from the seat he had occupied on the couch and wordlessly walked right past me and into her room to lay her down on her little bed himself.

The fact that he took over my nightly routine of tucking her in as if it was the most natural thing in the world, pissed me off to no end. But I kept quiet- for Josie's sake.

_I added it to my shitlist, though..._

Before he grabbed his coat that was still laying on the rocking chair, he placed a lingering kiss on Josie's forehead. Putting it on, his eyes remained on her peaceful face; eventually, he sighed and then turned towards me.

Instinctively, I folded my arms around my chest and middle as a form of protection for anything and everything he was going to say.

But he didn't say anything. He just kept opening and closing his mouth over and over again like a fish. After a few more moments of this little act, he pinched the bridge of his nose, mumbled a 'see you tomorrow' and all but fled the apartment.

Just like that.

_Fucker!_

I had actually planned to take a long, hot and much needed shower before I'd go to bed, but all of a sudden- and after a good look around the apartment- I felt too drained and exhausted for that routine. So, I decided to postpone that to the next morning, placed a kiss of my own on my angel's little face, left her room to walk into my own, stripped down to my underwear and simply went to bed.

I was passed out within moments.

Only to be awoken again after what felt like mere minutes.

_**Edward**_

_Fuck. My. Life. Left. Right. And. Fucking. Center!_

It was only a few minutes after eight o' clock in the morning, on a Sunday, and I've already been awake for the better part of four hours.

No matter how hard I had tried, I just couldn't sleep even though I was physically and emotionally drained. There was too much of a hubbub going on in my head for me to relax and drift into a slumber. Eventually, I had giving up on trying, redressed and then left the hotel I was staying in. In an attempt to clear my mind, I aimlessly drove all around town for two hours.

Somehow, I always ended up driving past, if not parking in front of, a certain brownstone building, that housed both, the cause and the cure for all my questions and problems I didn't even know I had only less than two days ago.

Everything I had believed in- my whole life- had been turned on its axis and then flipped upside down for good measure in that period of time and in that building. Still, I couldn't stay away from it; it was like a pull I couldn't fight. It was drawing me in and there was nothing I could do about it.

_At least one thing I could relate to and was familiar with._

It was the same fucking pull that I had experienced years ago on that faithful day I first laid eyes on Bella; only now, it was so much stronger. As if it had _doubled_ it's strength...

_Well, it pretty much had, dipshit! In the form of a captivating and utterly enchanting little girl, that looked like a mini version of her mother. Except for her eyes..._

I didn't even try to fight the smile that plastered my face as I thought about Josie, while simultaneously pulling a cig and a lighter out of my coat pocket. Lighting it up, I pulled the window of my car down and let the cold air engulf me.

I kept recalling all the sweet moments I shared with her in my head, how she tried to console me when I cried and succeeded, her giggling, how good and right she felt in my arms. I had saved them all to my memory.

It was her presence alone that had kept me sane throughout the whole damn evening. I had been at the edge of losing my shit right then and there so many times, but as soon as I had solely focused on her, everything had instantly been better.

Even when Bella told the story about how Josie got her favorite nickname and I couldn't help but wonder if I would have given her a different one, if I had been there when she was younger whether she would love it just as much.

Even when Rose and Emmet had revealed to me that she was probably pregnant and I couldn't help but feel jealous that he would get to experience everything I had missed out on.

I finished the cigarette realizing that I had started rubbing the fabric over my heart absentmindedly while thinking about my little girl. I snipped the stub out on the street, started the engine and drove towards the next best Starbucks I could find.

Half an hour and two large black coffees later, I was back at the counter to order to more to go along with a whole range of bagels and muffins.

I arrived back at the brownstone just as it started to drizzle. Fortunately, somebody was just leaving the apartment building and held the door open for me to step in as I approached, so that I didn't had to wait outside and wait for Bella to buzz me in.

Standing in front of her apartment door, I took several deep and calming breaths before knocking a few times; soft enough as to not make too much noise, but loud enough to be heard.

At least I thought so.

Even though I could hear the muffled sounds of movement coming from the inside of the apartment, nobody came to open the door.

I grew more and more irritated as I knocked and then waited again and again for what felt like an eternity, before I could finally make out the sound of feet pattering and approaching the other side of the door I was facing.

Being opened, it revealed the sight of Bella, only dressed in one of those long pullover-dresses that reached mid-thigh; the tight gray fabric hugged all her curves nicely; my eyes, however, kept on wandering to her bare and slender legs. I really didn't mean to act like an ass and ogle, but I've always been very fond of them.

"What are you doing here?", my head jerked up as her voice interrupted my appreciation for her creamy skin.

"Ungh...we agreed to meet today and talk, remember?"

"Now? I know that we agreed on talking today, but I didn't now that implied that you'd show up here that early! It's only nine o'clock for heaven's sake!" She tried her best not to raise her voice too much, but it was obvious that she was pissed. The bags under her eyes indicated that she didn't get much sleep either. The way she put it kinda made me feel like an ass. _That's twice in just as many minutes.._

"I didn't think too much about that... I'm sorry, ok? Can I come in anyway?" I asked while holding up that paper bag and the two coffees as a peace offering. Sighing, she simply turned around and walked back further into her apartment. _I take that as a yes... _

Closing the door behind me, I stepped into the apartment and made a beeline for the kitchen, following the direction Bella headed to.

"I waited outside for a bit, so the coffee is probably cold by now..." I stated lamely.

"That's ok, I was about to make some anyway"

She said while rummaging through her cupboards with her back facing me. She only turned around when she was done gathering plates and mugs, "I'm just going to dress Josie and myself quickly...take a seat..if you want..", she spoke without actually meeting my eye as she walked past by me.

Just like last last night she fled the room; obviously not comfortable with being around me. I hated it, I'm not gonna lie, but the tension between us was already palpable, since we were both on edge due to the little chat we were going to have later on. Confronting her about her childish behavior right now probably wasn't the best idea if I hoped to have only the slightest bit of a civilized conversation with her, therefore, I sucked it up for the moment.

Walking into the kitchen, I placed the paper bag on the counter top and then emptied the cold coffee in the sink. I noticed that Bella indeed was about to brew herself some coffee since both, water and coffee powder were already filled into the percolator. I had just pressed the 'start' button and was about to grab the plates and mugs to set the table, when I heard the fast pattering of small feet along with the sweet sound of my favorite giggle coming from somewhere behind me.

"Eddiieee!"

I turned around to face her with a big smile on my face; she came running towards me with her arms spread wide open, still dressed in her purple and white Hello Kitty pj set she wore the night before.

"Hello there, my baby girl!", I said while bending down some to pick her up. She wrinkled her nose a bit at my pet name choice for her, but started giggling and squealing happily as I fluttered soft kisses on her cheek over and over again.

If somebody had told me a week ago that I would become a father to a little girl overnight and that I would love said little girl so much after only meeting her once, I would have advised that certain somebody to stop taking drugs and get their head checked.

Yet, that's exactly how it was. I loved Josie. She came pattering into my life and filled a big part of the void I have felt for so long without even knowing she did so. There were no other words or any better way to explain it. I think I loved her ever since I held her in my arms for the first time.

"You scwatchy again!", she stated giggling and placed one of her tiny hands on my mouth to keep me from kissing her cheek.

"I'm sorry baby, I forgot to shave again!" I said against her palm before kissing it once. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bella standing at the corner of the hallway looking at us. She had put on a pair of black legging and black cardigan and her still somewhat wet her was piled on top of her head in a messy bun. "I think your mommy wants you to get dressed now." While I placed Josie back on the ground, my eyes were set on Bella. I thought I saw her lips twitch slightly but I couldn't be sure.

By the time the two of them returned back into the kitchen, the table was all set and the coffee was ready, also. Josie's dark hair was still in braids, but she was dressed in a pair of jeans and a thick green wool sweater. She made a beeline and took the chair next to me, whereas Bella went over to the counters to slice two apples and but them in a bowl and then filled a mug with milk, before placing both on the table; the bowl in reach for all three of us but the mug in front of Josie.

Breakfast was spent in silence for the most part. Bella actually only spoke up a handful of times, twice directed at me: the first time was when I noticed that both her and Josie kept on yawning and she explained to me that Josie didn't sleep that well the last night and, therefore, neither did she since the little girl kept on waking her up until she decided to get up for good. The other time was when I asked her if I could snatch a banana from the fruit bowl and I offered Josie a piece of it, after Bella told me I could. I was taken aback at first when Bella almost screamed at me to not give the little one a piece, but she quickly explained to me that it was because my baby girl was allergic to them.

I felt bad for not knowing about it, but then again, how could I?

When we were all done eating, Bella once again busied herself with doing some chores, while I spend some time with the little one. She was adamant about coloring in one of her books with me, but got bored with them quickly and drew me something on her own instead. Even though I couldn't quite make out what it was that she had drawn, I still cherished it and placed it in the pocket of my pants, so that I wouldn't forget to take it with me later on.

"I'm sowwy I can't stay and play with you today..", Josie said and pouted adorably when it was time to say goodbye.

"That's alright, baby girl. We just have to make sure to play twice as much the next time I'm here to visit you, ok?", I said and pressed my lips against her forehead as I walked into the living with her in my arms. She nodded her head in answering before hugging me again.

I helped her putting on her boots, scarf, gloves and coat, while Bella talked in the kitchen with I woman I assumed to be aunt Lotte. She was a little taller than Bella, but they shared the same hair color. She appeared to be in her early forties; when the two of them walked over to us, I noticed that her eyes were the same shade of brown as Bella's. And Charlie's for that matter. Were they related also? I remembered seeing her in that one picture frame on Josie's shelf before. I tried to recall every tad bit of information Bella had shared with me over the years regarding her family, but before I could come up with something myself, the woman in question helped me out of my misery herself.

"Hello, I'm Charlotte, Isabella's aunt. You're Edward I take it?", there was no doubt in my mind that she knew perfectly fine who I was, but I played along as I held my hand out for her to shake.

"Yes, that's me. Nice to meet you.", she shook my hand briefly and nodded once, but that was that.

I watched as Bella handed Charlotte the little backpack she had packed earlier before kissing Josie goodbye herself. Waving once more in our direction, she grabbed her auntie's hand and then they both left the apartment.

And then there were two...

"Ungh...I'm going to make some tea...do you want a cup as well?", Bella asked after a few strained moments of silence.

The last thing I had on my mind in that moment was a fucking cup of tea, but I accepted it anyway. _You've got to start somewhere, right?..._

Not knowing what to do with myself while she prepared the drinks, I wandered over to the other side of the room and looked around a bit. The apartment was rather small but homey enough. I took a look outside the window and noticed that it was still drizzling. The streets were going to be even more iced than they already were if it continued like that.

I was about to walk over to the shelf next to the windows, but then I remembered that Alice had dragged me to the wall to show me some pictures, on that faithful night that effectively changed my whole life.

Even though I have spent some time in that room by now, I never really acknowledged them before, seeing as I have always been distracted by something else. First, by meeting Josie and then yesterday by my brother and Rose when they told me that they were probably going to be parents.

I still had no idea how I felt about that. I knew that they both really wished for that to happen and I was happy for them, but I couldn't help but feel a bit jealous also...

"Here's the tea...I'm just going to grab myself some socks..", Bella's voice came from behind me, but it was barely above a whisper. Looking down at the table, she had placed a tray containing two filled mugs, a sugar bowl and some cream on the table.

Since she was gone, I brought my attention back to the pictures: most of them were of Josie and Bella together, but there were also some of her alone or accompanied. I could make out the Chief, Charlotte and even that damn Jacob kid, but most of the other people were unknown to me. I guess the term 'kid' would be highly inappropriate for Jacob by now- the fucker was all grown up now. _And fucking huge!_ Emmet was pretty damn buff, but that guy looked like he had a prescription for steroids.

There was a close-up of the two of them together in which she kissed him on the nose while squeezing his cheeks together. It was painful to see that he had played a bigger part in her life than I did, that he most definitely got to witnessed everything I had missed out on.

_But not anymore..._

"That one was taken on her last birthday.."

Her voice caused me to jump a bit, but I composed myself quickly again and simply nodded.

"You named her Josie?", I asked her after a few more minutes of silence. It was the first thing that came to my mind, but I would have asked her that question at some point anyway.

"Josephine Ava, to be exact."

"Josephine Ava", I repeated the name in a whisper myself. Not necessarily what I had expected Bella to name a child, but there was a certain ring to it. The more I repeated the name in my head, the more I liked it.

It was beautiful and it fit my little angel perfectly.

I told Bella as much and asked her how she came upon that name.

I don't know if she realized it, but she smiled as she remembered whatever it was that came to her mind. The first time I saw her smile in years. "Dad came to visit me one weekend when I was...ungh...a few months along...and he brought me a stack of books he and Sue bought at a flee market in Port Angeles. Among those books was a biography about Napoleon Bonaparte and well, he married one Josephine. I liked the name instantly but didn't really considered it. But then I stumbled upon the last book he gave me, it was _Little Women_ and...I had a copy when I was a kid but it disappeared somewhere along the way. Anyway, dad said that as soon as he saw it, he had to buy it for me. And well, Jo March was always my favorite character and her full name was Josephine...I don't know...when I found out that I was having a girl, this name was the first one that came to my mind... . As for Ava..."

"That was your grandma Swan's name.", I finished the sentence for her, remembering how Bella once told me how much she had loved her. The name seemed to fit even more perfectly now.

"Is she mine?", I have no idea where that question was coming from; it was passed my lips and out in the open before I could even think about asking it. It wasn't even a relevant question- I knew that Josie was mine. The instant connection and love I felt with and for her, along with the fact that she had my eyes were proof enough. Yet, as soon as the words echoed around the room, I wanted the oral confirmation and she was the only one that could give it to me.

Her whole posture stiffened and the smile was washed away immediately. Instead of answering, she turned around with a huff, grabbed a mug and went into the kitchen, shaking her head from side to side while doing so.

Again, she was walking away from me. Avoiding me.

It really pissed me off and I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold on.

"Just answer the question.", I ordered as calm as I managed to while following behind her.

"What for? You apparently already made up your mind!", she snapped back at me.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Just answer the damn question! It's my goddamn right to know for sure!"

"I guess some things never change...", she mumbled and I was almost certain I wasn't supposed to hear it.

"Could you at least turn around and speak to my face! I don't know why you are making such a big deal out of answering one simple question! Is she mine- yes or no?" Her behavior angered me so much, I had to ball my hands into fist to keep myself from lashing out.

"What is to you?", she asked while turning around with her arms folded over her chest. She seemed just as agitated as myself.

"What is to me? Are you kidding me? If she is mine then I want her in my life! Again- it's my goddamn right! And now-"

"_IF_ she is yours! Are we really back to that again? Are _you_ fucking kidding me?",

"Are we back to what, Isabella? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about trust, asshole!"

"This has nothing to do with trust! I just want you to tell me if I have a daughter! I want-"

"This is all about trust! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT TRUST!", she screamed at me, cutting me off for the second time.

She wasn't only talking about my question anymore. We both knew it, but I wanted an answer to this one question I longed to have answered the most for now. The fact that she made such a drama out of it left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. It's not that I had any doubts regarding being Josie's father, but it was unnerving anyway.

"Stop yelling at me and answer my fucking question! I know that she is mine- I just want you to say it!" My breathing was just as heavy as hers; our chests were rising and falling almost at the same time. "I just want you to say it. Out. Loud."

She kept quiet.

And I had enough.

"SAY IT, ISABELLA! SAY. IT. OUT. LOUD. RIGHT. THE .FUCK. NOW!", my hands were balled so tightly, the fingernails dug painfully into my palms' skin, as I yelled at her.

"YES! YES, SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER!", the volume of her voice matched my own. But I just couldn't care about that.

She had confirmed it.

Finally.

I had a daughter.

I was a father.

I missed five years of her life.

I really thought I would feel better as soon as she would give me an answer, but I was wrong.

The same red haze that had clouded my eyes yesterday was back in full force.

"WHY?", I yelled again as I slammed my fist against the wall next to me "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" I did it again. And then once more before turning back to face her. She stood with her back pressed against the counter and looked back at me with wide, fear filled eyes.

My outburst had obviously scared her. _I_ had scared her.

With my hands held up, I slowly walked closer to her and willed my nerves and anger to calm down even more that the fact that I scared so much that she actually shook from fear."How could you keep something like that from me?", I asked her with a much softer voice as I stood directly in front of her. Her eyes welled up with moisture and I would have reached out and take in my arms for comfort, if she hadn't hurt me so much.

She looked away for a moment before speaking again with a voice that was so small, it intensified the urge to comfort her tenfold."How could you do that to me? How could you just throw everything away like it meant nothing to you at all?"

That was the one question I dreaded.

As much as I wanted to blame her for all my misery, I knew I had brought just as much pain on her. But the truth was, I still didn't know myself how to justify what I did. If there even was anything to justify at all..._I highly doubted it..._

"I don't know...there's no-"

"You don't know? You don't fucking know? Are you fucking shitting me?", her whole demeanor changed yet again in the blink of an eye. Pushing me to the side, she stormed a few steps away to put distance between us.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH? OF HOW MUCH YOU'VE HURT ME? HOW YOU ALMOST DESTROYED ME? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I'VE SPENT WONDERING WHAT I DID WRONG AND WHY I WASN'T ENOUGH? AND FOR WHAT? I BASICALLY WASTED AWAY BECAUSE OF YOU! I ALMOST ENDED THINGS FOREVER BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KEEP YOUR FUCKING DICK TO YOURSELF! BECAUSE YOU BELIEVED AND TRUSTED YOUR BROTHER AND ALL THOSE WHORISH SKANKS AND FUCKING PRICKS MORE THAN ME! FUCK YOU! I DESERVE A FUCKING ANSWER! I. DESERVE. IT! SO DON'T STAND THERE AND TELL ME YOU DON'T KNOW- GIVE ME SOMETHING BETTER. RIGHT. THE. FUCK. NOW!" Angry tears were running down her cheeks by the time she was finished.

Every word she screamed was like being stabbed with a knife and its cuts run deeply. But the fact that she thought I threw everything away intentionally, that a fuck meant more to me than she, pissed me off to no end.

How could she think so little of me? Didn't she know me at all?

"YOU THINK THIS WAS EASY FOR ME? THAT I DIDN'T CARE? YOU DON'T THINK I REGRETTED WHAT I DID THE MOMENT I CAME BACK TO MY SENSES? YOU DON'T THINK I WASTED AWAY, TOO WHEN YOU DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR? I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING! NOT WHAT HAPPENED, NOT WHERE YOU WERE AND NOT HOW YOU WERE OR WHY YOU LEFT IN THE FIRST PLACE! AND NOBODY WOULD TELL ME! YOU DON'T THINK THAT THE GUILT ATE ME UP FROM THE INSIDE OR THAT I ALMOST WENT MAD BECAUSE YOU LEFT? NO CALL. NO LETTER OR NOTE. NOT EVEN A FUCKING TEXT IN ALMOST SIX YEARS! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR ALL I'VE KNOWN!"

My blood was boiling and I was only that close of hitting the wall once again as an outlet for all my anger and frustration; for all the hate I felt for myself and for her in that moment. Not even the sight of her crying even harder than before made me want to calm down again.

Not before I was done. I didn't even wait for her to answer, I just continued screaming at her.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE JUST LIKE THAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU CONFRONT ME ABOUT IT? WHY DIDN'T YOU SCREAM AND YELL AT ME AND CALL ME EVERY NAME UNDER THE SUN OR PUNCH THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME? YOU COULD HAVE EVEN BROUGHT THE CHIEF WITH YOU! EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THE WAY YOU FUCKING LEFT WITHOUT A WORD! WE COULD HAVE TALKED IT OUT! I WOULD HAVE GROVELLED AT YOUR FEET AND BEGGED FOR FUCKING FORGIVENESS! AND EVEN IF WE HAD BROKEN UP, I'D STILL HAVE KNOWN ABOUT MY DAUGHTER AND COULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER!" By the time I was done, my whole body hurt. My throat from yelling, my hands from balling them so tightly and my insides from all the emotional pain.

I felt so drained. As if all the energy I had in me spilled out of my mouth along with every single word I yelled into the room. Sliding down the wall, I sat down on the floor and stared at my denim clad knees before burying my head in my hands. I was so tired and exhausted all of a sudden; the events of the last couple of days were weighing me down. I tried to block everything out for just one moment- one moment of absolute silence- so that I could start and organize my thoughts, but it didn't work. On the contrary, the more I tried the louder the voices in my head.

"And then what, Edward? It wouldn't have changed anything...", I didn't look up when I heard her voice, but I could tell that she must have felt just as exhausted as I was. Her voice was back to being small again, but this time it was from giving up.

"It would have changed everything! We could have made it work...I could have been there for you and my daughter, even if I had lost you in any other way!"

"It's easy for you to say that now...I'm sure your parents would have had a blast about that...

"Fuck them!"

"Not only would I have been the gold- digging, unworthy working-class trash for them, I would have been the gold-digging, unworthy working class trash that got herself pregnant intentionally, so that she could bind their golden boy of a son to her..."

"They shouldn't have mattered! I should have been the only one that had mattered in that aspect. You should have told me...", Why did she always have to bring them into the equation? I would have told them off back then just like I did yesterday if I would have had the slightest idea...

"You should have trusted me..."

"I did trust you!"

"But obviously you trusted everybody else more...Why did you do it, Edward? Just answer me this one question!"

I really didn't want to tell her about that night, but I figured that it probably couldn't get any worse than it already was. Lifting my hands away from my face and my head back up, I found her leaning sideways against the counter. She really looked just as tired and drained as I felt. Taking a deep breath, I tried to tell her about that one fucked up night, but it didn't really work out either.

How was I supposed to give her an answer that wouldn't make her hate me even more, if I couldn't find an answer in the first place?

"I can't. There is no real answer to it..I..you hurt me that day...and I drowned everything with alcohol...I was...already hammered and all fucked up...and when Emmet came along and told me about you and Jacob..I just...I didn't think straight anymore! I just did...-"

"Tanya and Irina!" I knew I fucked up the moment she stood back straight and tall again. This time, it was her that approached me, but contrary to me trying to calm her down some earlier, she looked as if she was about to lash out any second."So this is it, this is your excuse? Alcohol? Or was it me you blame? I've put up with so much fucking shit from everybody for two years just for you to get drunk and throw it all away because your brother couldn't use his fucking brain and because you decided to star in a little home video! Fucking perfect!..It was all for nothing.."

"Do you have to be so crass? I didn't even know about the fucking tape until after...And don't say that I threw everything away like it was nothing; as if you never meant anything to me! Or that everything was for nothing!" Her attitude and words angered and hurt me so much. I would have given everything for her back then. I know I fucked up big time, that I lost everything because of the mistake I made, but she made it sound as if I never loved her the way I did. As if I played her or used her all along, when in reality it couldn't be any farther away from the truth. She made it sound as if she wished to have never been with me at all.

"You are right, there was one good thing coming from being with you. The one thing I'll never regret-..."

"You regret being with me? Ever?" This time, it was my voice that was way too small. The silence and numbness I had asked for only moments ago engulfed me like a blanket, but it wasn't the one I had been looking for.

_She couldn't mean it. She just said that to hurt me some more..._

Her silence was affirmation enough, though. "Well, I'm sorry we can't just pretend I never existed!" I jumped up and was out of the apartment in no time.

_**Bella**_

I regretted speaking those words as soon as they had passed my lips. It was a lie and below the belt.

In that moment, I just wanted to hurt him just as much as he had hurt me, but then I saw his face and all I felt was remorse. He looked so crestfallen and utterly destroyed...it just wasn't right.

He had hurt me deeply, in a repulsive way no less, and I hated him for all the pain he caused me, but I could never regret being with him at all.

I was about to apologize and take those hateful words back, but he was already out the door.

For a moment, I wrestled with myself over whether I should follow him and apologize or let him go, cool off and eventually return. Eventually, the guilt I felt won the upper hand and I sprinted through the door and down all those stairs faster than I thought I could.

But just as I was about to reach for the door knob that would lead me outside, I froze dead in my tracks as the deafening sound of metal colliding with metal penetrated my eardrums.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Yep, that was that! I know, cliffies are the bane of all our fic-loving existances, but there was no way around it! ^^ I hope the cursing wasn't too bad...but you probably already know from prior chapters that just can't help myself...^^<em>**

**_Anyway, thank so much for reading and all of you who leave reviews! Until next time!_**

**_-Sue_**


	17. Done

_**A/N: Yes, it's time for another update! Thanks to everyone giving this a try and especially those who left me reviews along the way! ^^ Cursing and abuse of inanimate objects ahead!**_

**Previously...**

_But just as I was about to reach for the door knob that would lead me outside, I froze dead in my tracks as the deafening sound of metal colliding with metal penetrated my eardrums._

**_Bella_**

The echo was still bouncing off the walls when I hurriedly and forcefully pulled the entrance door open, and stepped out of the building. My eyes started to water up and my nostrils prickled as I was hit by the force of the cold air that engulfed me.

But I didn't care.

In my hurry to run after Edward, I had only managed to slip into the slippers Josie gave to me for my last birthday. No jacket, coat or scarf.

But I didn't care.

All I cared about in that moment was, that whatever had just happened out here didn't involve Edward.

It didn't matter that we were yelling, screaming and accusing each other only minutes ago, or that there was still so much of all that pent up anger, frustration and hurt boiling within my veins.; between us. I suppressed it like all the times before in all those years for the time being and hurried down the asphalt towards the street.

Whipping my head to the left, I instantly spotted the two cars that were slightly crashed into each other farther down the street. The passenger side of the black Mercedes was pressed against the streetlight, whereas the drivers' side rear part was mauled by the front of a green VW Beetle.

Immediately, I jumped forward in an attempt to get there in the blink of an eye without slipping on the ice that covered the asphalt in an even thicker layer than the day before.

I managed to take three steps before I fell flat on my ass.

But I didn't care.

I got back on my feet just as the driver of the Mercedes opened the door and stepped out onto the street.

Pale as a ghost he stood there; one hand buried in his hair while the other one covered his mouth, obviously shaken by what had just happened. It took him only a few seconds to snap out of it though, and check on the driver of the Beetle.

Relief washed over me since, seemingly, neither one of them appeared injured.

By the time I finally made it over to him, Edward was talking animatedly into his phone. Since he stood with his back turned toward me, he never saw me approaching. Carefully, as not to startle him, I placed my hand between his shoulder blades.

My hand never lost contact with his body as he slowly turned around to face me, and ended up resting on his left pec. He knitted his eyebrows together in confusion minutely as soon as our eyes locked. I couldn't tell if it was because of me standing in front of him, or because of something that was said on the phone, though.

I didn't care.

He was ok, uninjured, that was all that mattered and I was glad. In fact, I was so glad that he didn't even seem to have a scratch that I couldn't help myself but slung my arms around his torso and hug him tightly to me. held on to him for dear life, while ressing my face against his chest. I inhaled the all too familiar trademark scent of Edward.

It was painful- I'm not gonna lie.

The memories that came crashing back to my mind by simply looking at him, were intensified tenfold by actually inhaling him. He just smelled the same way he did back then.

And being so close to him, to feel him- actually feel his body against mine? It almost brought me to my knees...

But I still didn't care. I just kept holding on to him; and, as he placed one of his hands on the back of my head and pressed me further into his chest, I closed my eyes and pretended that that faithful night all those years ago never happened.

Just for one moment I wanted us to simply be Bella and Edward again.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked as soon as my apartment door was closed behind us. Edward shook his head no, but I walked over to the kitchen area to fill and then start the water boiler anyway. Before I went back to the living area to turn the heaters on, I grabbed two mugs from the cabinet and put a tea bag each into them.

It took quite some time for Edward and the lady that crashed into his car after she slipped on the ice as she drove down the street, and therefore lost control over her car, to get things settled with their insurance companies. And even longer for both of them to convince each other- and the medics- that they were fine and didn't need any treatment.

By the time they were finally all done, I was actually shaking from the cold.

Edward was hesitant to follow me back into the apartment, but there was no way for me to let him leave just like that, so I simply pulled him along.

The moment we had shared outside- embracing each other- ended rather quickly, since Edward had to go and check on his insurance information and driver's license that he kept in the car and, therefore, had to let go of me.

We haven't said much to each since then.

Even now Edward kept quiet as he sat there on my couch; his head was bowed slightly, his elbows were resting on his thighs and he kept on sliding his hands against each other.

Everything about him, about his stance, screamed anxiousness and agitation.

I poured the steaming hot water into the mugs and then carried them over to the coffee table before sitting down myself.

More silence.

To say that it was unnerving would be an understatement.

"Bella, look..."

"Edward, I..."

We both started at the same time all of a sudden.

He motioned for me to go first, but I reclined and told him to start.

"I know now how you feel about me. That you...regret me, but please, don't-"

"I didn't mean that! What I said earlier...I didn't mean that. I just...I said that out of the heat of the moment. I-" I started off with interrupting him, but then it was he that interrupted me.

"Please, just don't...don't take her away from me!", he continued as if he hadn't even heard a thing I said.

This one simple request, this plea; it broke my heart. He sounded so forlorn and small, desperate in a way even.

In that moment, my heart ached for him.

"Edward, I couldn't ever do that. Not now that-"

"You sure about that?" he cut me off once again, "Seeing since you already kept her away from me for years!" Gone were the hurt and the desperation as he spat the words out at me. Gone was his defeated and agitated stance.

Instead, he was sitting up straight; his hands were balled to fists whereas his eyes were narrowed to slits.

Gone were the sympathy and heartache I felt for him mere seconds ago.

"Fuck you, you self-righteous prick!" I spat right back at him while jumping up from my seating place. "I wouldn't have kept her away from you, if you had kept it in your fucking pants!"

He mirrored my actions; a few inches of nothing was the only thing- the only barrier- that separated us from each other. His jaw was clenched tightly, the veins in his neck were visible for me to see; disgust and loathe were written all over his face as he stared me down. The way he stood there before me, all tall and every damn muscle of his body tensed, he looked like a predator ready to attack his rival, his enemy.

Danger!

_Fuck that!_

"So this is it?" he snarled eerily. "_Punishment_. This is what it really was- is about, isn't it? You purposely, intentionally, kept my child- my own flesh and blood- from me as to punish me for what I did to you! Did you get some sick kick out of leaving me in the dark about my daughter's existence? You conniving little bitch, you had no right to do-" the rest of his sentence drowned in the growl that erupted from his throat as my palm made contact with his cheek.

Hard.

"How dare you...,!" I seethed while trying to shake the sting out of my hand, and simultaneously suppressed the sting that caused my eyes to water.

"No, how dare _you_ denying your daughter to know her father! How dare you to deny _me_ the right to know my daughter! You owed me that much-"

"The only thing I owed you after your betrayal was a good kick in the fucking nuts!" I spat out and straightened my posture out some more.

"Betrayal," he scoffed, "What do you know about betrayal? Nothing. Five years, Isabella. _Five_ _motherfucking years! _That's how long you have betrayed me!" Edward's tone matched my own and I knew he was close to losing it.

More stinging.

Suddenly, he grabbed my elbow and pulled me with him along the hallway and all the way into Josie's room, stopping in front of her shelves.

"This," he pointed at the different picture frames standing there, "This is how you betrayed me! Where is the picture of me holding her on her birth day, huh? Look at all those people here holding my daughter in their arms...but not me! Not me...

I was supposed to hold her that day; it was my goddamn right! It was my goddamn right to hold her every single day of those five years! But I didn't because I couldn't. And you are to blame.

Do you have any idea how this feels like; how much it hurts? Why...?" His voice, that had gotten louder and more venom laced with every word spoken, cracked at the end; leaving nothing but a mere, hopeless, whisper.

Stinging.

Stabbing.

Shredding.

I had to wrap my arms around myself since the feeling of falling apart- literally falling apart from the force of his words- was so strong. "I-...I don't know. It just...I didn't know_ how_. The time...just never was right..."

I really shouldn't have said it like that.

His hands clenched and unclenched twice before he took a step towards me. From the look on his face and posture, it was easy to tell that the predator had returned.

Instinctively, I took a step back. But he didn't stop, he just continued to close the distance between us, whereas I tried to maintain it.

Unfortunately for me, there are only so many steps one can take back before reaching the edge.

Or in my case, the next best wall.

Unfazed by my dilemma, and with his hatred-filled eyes mercilessly fixed on me, Edward quickly managed to step right in front of me. My back was tightly pressed against the wall, but no matter how hard I tried and pushed, the damn thing wouldn't budge and move further away from him.

His hands came up to either side of my head on the wall; between the hard surface behind me, his tall body in front and now his arms next to me, I was effectively caged.

"It was never the right time, huh?", he seethed once again. His voice and face were laced with so many different emotions, I could neither name them all nor could I tell which scared me the most. It was unsettling and I diverted my eyes away from his face in an attempt to escape them.

For the life of me, I couldn't answer him. I tried but the words just wouldn't come out and besides, I was afraid to anger him even more. When I told him that I hadn't known how or when to tell him about Josie in the past, I said the truth.

But I highly doubted that he would understand, let alone accept this explanation. So, with my gaze fixed on his shoes, I kept quiet.

That was all the answer he needed.

And then he lost it.

"What about the day you found out you were pregnant; when you first heard her heartbeat or the day you learned about the gender? LOOK AT ME!" he growled and grabbed my chin in one hand, and forced me to meet his piercing gaze that I had tried to avoid. "What about the day she was born? Or the day you were released from the hospital? What about the day she started crawling, the day she started walking or the day she babbled for the first time? Her first word? What about all her birthdays and the holidays? WHAT ABOUT EVERY MOTHERFUCKING MOMENT IN BETWEEN?" I couldn't help but jump up when the hand that wasn't holding my chin prisoner, slammed into the wall next to my head.

Again.

And again.

I winced.

Not from pain but from shock seeing him like that. Edward had a temper, but except for the episode earlier, I had never seen him lashing out like that. It wasn't that I believed him to hurt me, _physically_, but it was unnerving nonetheless.

Again, I kept quiet- only this time in hopes that he would calm down some.

Silence fell upon us and the entire apartment; his heavy breathing slowly evened out and simultaneously, his grip on me loosened. Thankfully, Edward's eyes were closed and I therefore could escape their scrutiny for some time.

Shaking his head slowly from side to side while sighing out a gust of air, he eventually opened them again after a few more moments of silence."You know, for someone so eager to slam my fuck-ups back in my face over and over again, you are pretty adamant about ignoring your own ones."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I asked while jerking me head to the side in an attempt to get rid of his hand.

To no avail.

"It means, _Isabella_, that you are a hypocrite! Earlier, you practically ripped me a new one when my explanation for my mistake wasn't good enough for you. Even though, at the same time, your excuse for your own actions is just as lousy and lacking. I know now how much I hurt you and to an extant, I can probably understand why you ran away from me and the whole town back then, but you had absolutely no right to keep _her_ a secret! Do you even realize what you did to me; what you did to Josie by keeping us apart? Tell me, have you ever at least considered to tell me? Would you have told me at all if my..._family_ hadn't found out about it? What would you have told her if she were to ask you about her father one day? That I was dead? That I hurt you so much that you turned into a bitter and spiteful woman whose longing for revenge was strong enough to even let her own daughter suffe-"

_Slap_.

"You self-righteous fucker!" Using the moment of shock he was in after my hand collided for the second time today with the side of his face, I pushed my hands against his chest with force and shoved him away from me, before stepping away and leaving the room. "How dare you? Coming here and giving me a lecture- fuck you! So far, you've been just as good at putting the blame on someone else as me, so don't you fucking stand there all high and mighty and look down at me! You have no idea how-...you don't know anything!" I spat out while walking down the hallway and back into the living area to collect the neglected mugs. Edward followed right behind me, rubbing his reddened cheek, while I stomped over into the kitchen area.

"You don't think that it was difficult to raise a child as a single parent- even with a support system like I have? You don't think I wanted nothing more than share all those moments you just stated with you- that I wanted you there? You don't think that I thought about just telling you time and time again? BUT HOW THE FUCK COULD I?" I seethed while turning the tap on to fill the plugged sink with hot water.

"Hmmm, let's see...how about by phone or letter, for instance? That would have been a good fucking start!" the fucker sneered right back at me. _Son of a bitch!_

I all but slammed the mug I held in my hand into the sink, effectively shattering it into several pieces. "Oh yeah, I can totally see how well that would have went! 'Hey Edward, what ya doin'? This is Bella...yeah the girl you used to fuck but then cheated on...listen, I just called to tell ya that I ended up preggers! Surprise!' I would have casually told you about the pregnancy while you were busy fucking the next best skank and therefore only listening halfhearted- _Ouch_! Fuck!"

During the last part of my rant, Edward had grabbed me by the arm in an attempt to make me face him- unfortunately for me, in exact that moment I picked up the larger sherds of porcelain. So, instead of grabbing it, the broken fragments sliced the palm of my hand...

"Shit, Bella, I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to..."

Trying to ignore his rambling, I held my injured hand under the spray of the tap to wash away the blood that came pouring out of it, and see how deep the cut really way.

Not deep enough to need stitching up but deep enough to look nasty and hurt like a mother.

_Fan-fucking-tastic!_

The way he furiously ran his hand through the unruly mess on top of his head was going on my nerves, so I asked Edward to get the First Aid Kit from the bathroom, so I could tend to the cut.

He obeyed in regards to get the kit, but he wouldn't let me clean and wrap the hand myself. After several minutes of arguing back and forth, I finally gave up and let him do it to get it over with, since the sight and smell of blood made me feel nauseous.

Contrary to the lethal stares and stance from earlier, his touch was careful and gentle as he wrapped my hand up in gauze and therefore finished his treatment.

He didn't let go of my hand, though. In fact, he grabbed my uninjured one with his as well and simply held onto them.

Ever since we stopped fighting over taking care of my hand, we both had kept quiet. In fact, I kept my eyes focused on my lap to avoid looking at him. But the moment he held both my hands in his, I couldn't help but chance a glance at him.

His eyebrows we furrowed and he kept on opening and closing his mouth like a fish- indicators that he was deep in thought and looking for a way to actually vocalize whatever it was he wanted to say.

As his thumbs started to draw light patterns on the back of my hands, my insides turned into a knot, since the feeling of it was all too familiar and painful.

"I want my- no, I _need_ my daughter in my life. Now that I've finally found her you cannot expect me to just go and leave her behind again. I- I love her so much already...she stole my heart the moment our eyes met for the first time..._at least what was left of it_...," the last part was spoken merely above a whisper, so I wasn't sure I was even ought to hear it, or if he vocalized it purely on accident. Howsoever, his statement caused the tug on my insides to increase.

"I never said I would ask you to. I think that, in a way, she already loves you, too. But you have to understand that you need to be in it for the long run. Once you step into her life, really step into it, you cannot just leave again because you get bored or because it gets too difficult. It would break her heart and I won't let that happen.

You'd need to figure out beforehand how you're going to manage work and studies and whatever else it is that you are doing, and visiting her here at the same time- I'm not saying that I expect you to write a detailed schedule, but making promises and then cancel them last minute cannot happen on a regular basis, either." All of that came out in one long string, so I needed to take some much needed air in before I continued in the same calm voice I somehow managed to muster.

"I'm not saying this to start another fight- I just need to make you see that coming and going whenever you please, however you see fit, just won't ever work out. Either you are in it or you're not."

Edward nodded slowly, accepting; but something flashed across his eyes and for a moment, they looked hard and angry again. But whatever it was I said that triggered that reaction, he suppressed it quickly. "Canceling time with her won't be an option, since I'm not planning on returning to Chicago for long."

Unknowing of what to make out of that last statement and with him not elaborating it any further, I just let it slip.

I just 'officially' agreed on letting Edward be a part of Josie's life and, therefore, in a way my own as well.

_And so, the Swan and Cullen Saga continued..._

What started as a sarcastic statement made by my inner voice, brought my attention quickly to another point- a ground rule- I needed to address.

"Just so that we are clear- you, Rosalie and maybe even Emmet- as long as he manages to use his mind and keep his mouth shut- are the only ones I'll allow to be around Josie. No Carlisle, no Esme and no Alice. I don't care that they are your family- this is where I draw the line! It's just the three of you and no one else. I'm not sure about that Jasper guy, yet but for now, it's just you, your brother and his wife. Are we clear?" Gone was the calmness in my voice.

_Fucking Cullens fucking with my mind, mood and emotions!_

Again, Edward only nodded. He seemed genuine enough, but I needed to be sure. "I'm...trusting you with this here, Edward. I mean it, if I ever find out that any of those three...people...was around my daughter without my permission and knowledge, we're done. You only get this one shot, this one try. If you plan on going behind my back, you can grab your things and leave right the fuck now! Take it or leave it- the decision is up to you!"

"I guarantee you that that won't be a problem. Rosalie, Emmet and me...that's even more than I am asking for and way more than I had expected." He kept quiet for a minute and let go of my uninjured hand, only to shove it into his hair; leaving my skin warm and tingling behind.

"How are we going to do this?", he eventually asked.

"What?", I asked just before there was a knock at the door. I tried to slide my gauze-wrapped hand out of his large one, but he only held on to it more tightly once he noticed me trying.

"Where does that leave us?"

There was something in his voice that had nothing to do with the ordinary curiosity that accompanied every question. But what was it? Uncertainty? Hope? Defeat? Longing? For the life of me, I just couldn't identify it.

And how the hell was I supposed to answer that question?

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Prying his hand away from the hand he was still holding on to with my free one, I sidestepped him and gave him the first answer that came to my mind; the answer my mind was set and adamant about being true.

"Nowhere."

* * *

><p><strong><em>No, this definitely wasn't the end of their conversation. They have so much to work out and get over, it will take more than that. However, for now all that yelling and wall-punching must do! ^^ We'll get back to all that crap that happened between them and let to the dilemma in the first place again, soon enough! Let's call it a (temporary) truce?<em>**

**_Anyway, i hope you liked the chapter! I'd love to hear your thoughts! _**

**_~Sue_**


	18. Nowhere And Other Places

_**A/N: Here you have chapter 18!**_

_**Thanks so much to everyone putting me/ the story on alert and to their favorites - this means a lot!**_

_**Hope you all enjoy the chapter!**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Edward<strong>_

_Nowhere._

Fucking "nowhere"!

That was all she was giving me? Really?

All I wanted was an answer. It's usually a simple routine: you ask a question- you get an answer.

Only, nothing between us was simple anymore.

When I asked her where this whole mess left us, all I wanted to know was how we'd interact with each other now that we've agreed- pardon, now that Bella _allowed_ me to- see my daughter and be a part of her life. Now, I wasn't foolish or naïve enough to think that everything between us was forgiven and forgotten after one day of yelling at each other and just like that. Hell no, but I thought we could at least be civil. Or try to, anyway.

There was no way around communicating and interacting with each other anymore; Josie became the probably most important thing in my life over night, and I wouldn't let her go again. My mind was already set on cutting all ties in Chicago and once that was done, I'd make sure to see my little girl as often as possible, and therefore, Bella too. It was inevitable.

So far, she either avoided, slapped, ran away from, or yelled at me—none of it acceptable in front of my daughter. We were far, _far_ away from being anything like friends—how could we?-but we had to do something to remotely get along. I knew it would be tough and a lot of work on both ends, but we had to make it work for the little one.

But when I asked her, all I got was one word.

_Nowhere_

Fuck. That.

No, scratch that. _Fuck the whole motherfucking day!_

_Fucking Black Sunday... _It seemed to get worse and worse by the minute. Like a damn pattern or a routine that kept on repeating itself, I got punched in the guts—the last one always slightly harder than the one before. Every time I thought I had already hit rock bottom _BAM- you thought wrong, fucker!_

_Free fall! No safety net. No cushioned impact! Have fun falling, bitch!_

Seriously though, when was enough ever going to be fucking enough? How many more floors do I have to fall down before I'd finally hit the ground? Not that I was desperately looking forward to it, mind you. A little warning beforehand would be nice, though... _Just sayin_'!

What I mean is, wasn't there some kind of limitation for hurt, agony and anger one person was allowed to feel and suffer from? And if so, why does it feel like some people seem to walk this earth without ever making their acquaintance, whereas others seem to drown in them? I'm not that much of an ignorant ass to claim that I belong to the latter group of people, but sunshine wasn't coming out of my ass constantly, either._ Especially not as of recently.._

That just seemed rather cruel and unfair to me.

_What does not destroy me, makes me stronger._

Ungh...Fuck you, Mr. Nietzsche!

_Karma?_

Now that would be so completely and utterly fucked up! If that was the rule, about ninety percent of all mankind would be utterly screwed.

Anyway, it seemed that ever since I followed Alice's instruction and set foot in Bella's apartment, I went through more heartbreak and fury to last a fucking lifetime—the sweet moments with my little angel aside, of course. Frankly, I've had enough of this emotional roller-coaster ride and I was sure I wasn't the only one.

Bella and I were playing this exhausting game of flaming hot and ice cold—being either flaming hot with red rage or ice cold with sober hate towards each other; neither one seeming to win or give up any time soon.

_That's what five years of pent up anger, hurt and frustration do to you..._

Combined with the utter stubbornness of the two of us...Yeah, pretty much doomed to fail from the beginning. We were both constantly on edge and ready to tear the other apart, all but waiting for the other to slip and fail.

But then there were those little glimpses...

Of what, though?

A truce? Acceptance? Convergence? Hope?

When she wrapped her arms around me outside, shortly after that freaking car accident, I thought for sure that she cared.

Having her that close again after all that time felt so good and right. So familiar.

And for the short time our embrace lasted, we were back to just being Bella and Edward.

Back in Forks.

Back in High School. Back together.

Back to being perfect.

At least in my head. At least for a moment.

As soon as I had to break our embrace though, reality came crushing back down upon me and so did the fear of losing my little baby. Josie was the only good thing I had left but, I couldn't tell if Bella planned on keeping her away from me and that thought alone nearly killed me. I was desperate and agitated and at some point on this fucked up day, I just lost it. Again.

Not good. At. All!

Never, under any circumstances, would I hit a woman. Period. No matter how many buttons were pushed or how worked up I was—this would never happen! The fact that I lost my cool the way I did several times by now with women nearby was bad enough as it was, but laying my hands on them... I was a lot of things, an abusive asshole certainly not, though.

Yet, I caused her to cut herself on that stupid shards... She got hurt because of me—that seemed to happen quite a lot, too.

_Fuck! I really needed to work on my temper!_

Bella taking away my new gained 'rights' to see and visit my daughter due to me losing it, due to my own stupidity, was the last thing I wanted! I couldn't, mustn't nor wouldn't let that happen. Ever. I needed to sustain the little trust she still seemed to have in me, however, I knew that I was walking on thin ice. Even though I didn't particularly like being at this new Bella's mercy, I would do anything to ensure having Josie in my life. Right now, nothing else mattered but her; she was my main priority.

Speaking of the little devil...

Still rooted to the same spot Bella left me in when she went to open the door, I watched as she walked back into the room with my little angel in her arms. The smile that tucked the corners of my mouth upwards was short lived, though, as I noticed Josie's sniffling and clinging onto her mother's neck.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked as I approached them.

"According to Charlotte, Josie did not have a lot of fun today. She didn't get too much sleep the last couple of nights and that left her tired and a bit cranky when they arrived at her aunt's house. On top of that, I forgot to pack Jojo into her backpack and the little one doesn't nap or goes anywhere without her stuffed friend. So yeah, that sealed the deal and all Josie wanted was to come back home. Charlotte just dropped her off." Bella whispered to me while rocking Josie gently in her arms.

"It's a cream and white colored stuffed bunny with floppy ears...would you mind getting it? It's probably still in her room."

Nodding, I went back into Josie's room and grabbed said stuffed bunny from her bed; it was all soft and cuddly and I instantly imagined my little girl hugging it close in her sleep. As I returned to the living room I found Bella sitting on the sofa, caressing the little ones back and cooing softly in her hair.

"Ooh, look who is here to get a hug from his favorite girl in the whole wide world!" Bella cooed again as I sat down next to her.

Slowly, Josie turned her head away from the crook of her mother's neck to look at me and her stuffed friend, I held out for her to take. Puffy eyes with wet trails running down her reddened cheeks, it was easy to tell that she had been crying and by the way the corners of her mouth were slightly drawn downwards, it was obvious that she was on the verge of starting again. I didn't like seeing her like that one bit. I waited for Josie to reach out, grab Jojo and tuck it between her own and Bella's body, before I leaned in to kiss her cheek and stroke her hair.

"How is your hand doing?" I asked in a whisper after several minutes of silence. With Bella softly rubbing her back and me caressing her hair, Josie had fallen asleep in no time.

It was strange.

Bella and I had spent the majority of the day fighting each other. Ourselves too, but mostly _with_ each other. We both tried to bring the other down by and with the force of all that pent up anger and frustration that had been accumulated for more than five years. However, it only took this little human being to have a bad day for us to get over it, to forget about it for a moment. Josie was neither ill nor injured -thank God for that- only cranky and exhausted from getting little sleep, yet it was enough for us to swallow it all down.

"It's aching and stinging a bit. Maybe I should go and get something to help with it." Bella whispered back before placing a lingering kiss on Josie's head. "Would you like tucking her in while I do so?"

It was a simple question. An honest question. An offer.

A peace offering even. Maybe. We both knew that she was more than capable to putting our little girl in bed and then get her pills, even if her hand was hurting. Yet, she asked me. It was a small step- tiny- but it was there.

"I'd love to"

Bella and I were far from being perfect, 'normal' even. I'm not talking about us being a couple here, but about us dealing and interacting fairly with each other on a daily basis. It would take a lot of effort from both of us to get there some day, that I was sure of.

But we would try. For Josie.

* * *

><p><strong>Two days later...(Tuesday)<strong>

_**Bella**_

"Okay sweetie, which one do you like best?" I asked while pointing at the three different onesies for Josie to choose from. We had already agreed on a light yellow one but I wanted to get one more for Rosalie.

"That one," she replied and placed her hand on the turquoise one that had three little stars printed on the chest. It was my pick, too.

"Perfect choice! C'mon let's go pay for those and then we can go and meet Rosalie, okay?" She nodded eagerly yes and we made our way over to the cash register, two neutral colored onesies and a pack of pacifiers in hand.

I still had no idea how it happened, but during our telephone talk the day prior, Rosalie had managed to talk me into meeting her for some coffee and 'fun stuff'. _Whatever the hell that was..._.All I knew for sure was, that Rosalie could be annoyingly persuasive.

I asked the sales lady to remove all price tags from the items before paying, and then Josie and me walked out of the store and down the floor to meet Rosie in the mall's café.

"Okay, Bunny, here you go," I said and handed the bag over to Josie. "Make sure you hide it behind your back until I give you our top secret sign." I winked at her for demonstration once,"and then you can give our present to Rosie, alright?" I was rewarded with a toothy smile and another eager nod.

Though seated in the back of the cafè, Rosalie was easily spotted; whereas everybody else was more dressed for comfort and to stay warm instead to impress, Blondie looked as if she just left the damn runway. Hair, make-up, clothes- everything was perfect... _Bitch!_

With my little one trailing behind and drink in hand, I made my way over to where she was sitting. "Well, hello there, mommy-to-be!" I greeted and couldn't help but smile at her, remembering her excitement on the phone when she told me that the doctor confirmed that she was pregnant. _That was one long, loud squeal..._

"Hello to you, too!" Rosie grinned while standing up to give me a hug. When we ended our embrace and I stepped to the side, I made sure to meet Josie's eyes and winked at her. Before she had a chance to step closer to Rose, she was already scooped up in her arms, though. "And hello to you, little bunny!" she gushed and kissed my daughter's cheek, causing her to giggle.

"That's foh you!" Josie all but bounced with excitement as she held out the gift bag out for her new best friend to take.

"For me, really?" Rose asked with a quick glance at me before sitting down on her chair without letting go of my girl. "Ooh, let me see, let me see!" she squealed excitedly, effectively causing Josie to giggle some more and me to shake my head at her antics. I knew she did that mostly for Bunny's sake, but nevertheless, I thought it was really cute.

"Oh my God.! Aww, look at that! It's so soft and so small...it's tiny! Look how tiny it is...and so pretty...oh my God! Thank you guys so, so much!" She gushed and carefully fingered the fabric of the onesies. She kissed and squeezed the hell out of Josie before asking her if she picked everything out herself.

"Uh-huh. I picked it out but mommy paid!" my girl beamed proudly while running her pointer finger over the little stars on the turquoise onesie.

"I love them, they are perfect." Rosalie reached over the table to grab my hand and squeeze it, while simultaneously placing another kiss Josie's cheek.

"You're very welcome, Rosie." I squeezed her hand in return.

After we clinked our cups of tea to Rose being eleven weeks pregnant, we discussed the plan for the day. "I actually planned to do that tomorrow on her actual birthday, but since we are already here, we just as well get her earlobes pierced today. That shouldn't take too long, though. Also, I think it's time for a new hair cut, but you don't have to accompany us-" my explanation was cut off by Rosie.

"Pshaw- a day of pampering with my two new favorite friends? Hell yeah!" No sooner had those words enthusiastically left her mouth, she already typed furiously away on her shiny iPhone.

"Rose, I was talking about a simple haircut- there was never a word about any pampering!"

" Aw c'mon- since we are going there anyway, we might as well enjoy it! Besides, you still owe me the full Edward-and-Bella-confrontation story... You can tell me all about it during a mani-pedi and-"

"Now hold your horses, young lady!" I cut her off after almost choking on my tea. "There's no way you're talking me into getting that shi-p done, _Rosalie_!"

"We will see about that, _Isabella_!" I neither liked the way her perfectly shaped eyebrow arched up nor the smug expression on her face. At all.

"Whatever." I murmured while rolling my eyes and simultaneously grabbing my purse and digging for a juice box for Josie.

"Sooo...?" Blondie started in an nonchalant yet expectant tone in between taking sips of her tea.

"So?"

"Tell me about Sunday. Since you're sitting in front of me and I talked to Edward on the phone yesterday, you obviously did not kill each other. That's a plus. But apart from that I don't know anything! So, spill!"

"Fine, then. But be warned, it's not pretty..." I grunted out before sharing every inglorious detail about that disastrous day with her. Rose never interrupted my recap; she listened attentively and occasionally sipped more of her tea. Every now and then her jaw would drop or she would shake her head in disbelieve, but that was that.

"Huh. Wow." There was a beat-long pause before she continued. "I don't even know where to start or what to say. That's just...wow. Drama seems to be really fond of you, my dear. We should start writing this mess down and sell it to Fox or HBO so they can make a soap opera or TV series out of it! Jeez- I bet that stuff would put all the chicks from Wisteria Lane to shame!"

I snorted,"You have lost your mind, I have nothing on them- they outnumber me and they are all utterly psycho, so yeah, not gonna happen! However, I do agree with you about drama being a faithful companion in my life. Hmm...ask me again after my dad was here to visit- I'm sure he has some things to say that will put this ordeal to a whole new level of insanity!" Thinking about the conversation that laid ahead made me cringe.

"That bad?"

"Yes. No. I don't know...probably?" I groaned out before burying my face in my hands minutely. I had yet to tell Charlie- and Jake for that matter- about everything: the Cullen Home Invasion, Edward showing up, Edward finding out about Josie, our confrontation, him becoming a constant part in our daughter's life,..."Oh God, I'm so screwed!" I whined out pathetically before dropping my head until it touched the table top.

"Mommy, whatcha doing?" Josie giggled out at my antics.

"Since you are _sooo_ far away and busy cuddling with Rosie, I'm snuggling with the table!" I shrugged it off as if that was normal behavior for me. As long as the little one was having fun...

"Nuh-uh"

"Yes! And it's great, all cold and solid." I looked up,"I think I'm taking it home with us so I can snuggle it whenever I can't cuddle with you. It needs a name, though. Um, let's see..the table is blue, so it's a boy. Hmm, ooh I know—I'll call him Bob!" I placed my hands on either side of the table while Josie and Rose kept on laughing. "Hi Bob! Wanna come and live with me and my daughter?" My hands slid up and down the surface while I waggled my eyebrows suggestively. And tried to suppress my own laughter.

"I think your mommy is a bit crazy!" Rosie whispered loud enough for me to hear. Raising my head a bit more so that I could eye the two of them, I saw Bunny nodding eagerly in agreement. I narrowed my eyes playfully and stuck my tongue out- that earned me a snort from Rosalie and two tongues being stuck out back at me, causing me to finally start laughing myself.

Shortly after, we left the cafè- not without saying goodbye to Bob, of course- and made our way over to a shop to get Josie's earlobe's pierced as an early birthday present. I was a little bit concerned about whether getting it done may be a little painful for my little girl, but she was as brave as a warrior- except for flinching minutely once when the first lobe was pierced, she was perfectly fine. No fear, no tears, no drama.

I wish I could say the same about Rosalie.

Josie had decided on a simple pair of small, purple rhinestone security studs, since that was temporarily her favorite color, which was perfectly fine with me. Blondie, however, thought that starting off with one pair of earrings for a five-year-old was unacceptable. She picked out three more sets: one golden and heart-shaped, another golden pair but in the form of butterflies and a second rhinestone colored white- all of them small studs- and was adamant about buying them for Josie. When I told her that _that_ was unacceptable, we bantered back and forth for at least ten minutes, effectively driving the saleswoman equally mad as entertained. It wasn't until Rosalie played the guilt card and claimed that she had to make up for all the birthdays and other present-bearing holidays lost, that I gave in and we agreed on her buying two more sets of earrings.

That was before she sneaked off behind my back and paid for the jewelry and the piercing itself...

I wasn't really mad at her for doing so. I knew she didn't do that to show off because she could- the studs were all fake and hardly cost anything- or to disrespect my wishes, but because she really wanted to; she found joy in it.

I still gave her the silent treatment until we arrived at the beauty salon, though._ Because I could..._

While the little one got the ends of hair and her bangs trimmed, Rosie and I sat down on the chairs closest to her and got our nails done. I was reluctant at first, but when I took a closer look at my fingers and realized how fucked up my cuticles were, I gave in. I tried to ignore Blondie's smug expression as best as I could.

While placing my naked feet in the footbath, I glanced over to where my baby was sitting in front of a mirror to make sure she was still okay We were only a few feet apart from each other; I could actually hear the questions that the young female hairdresser asked her while combing out her wet hair. Josie seemed fine; she was smiling shyly at the mirror and therefore the women behind her and though I couldn't make out everything she answered and said in return, it was clear that she was at ease.

"Are you still mad at me or are you ready to talk some more?"

I turned my head again and looked at Rose. "Hmm? No, of course not. What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know...do you really think that you dad will have a fit when you tell him about, you know, the new situation?"

"Absolutely." I answered matter-of-factly because I was sure that Charlie was going to 'have a fit'. "You see, Charlie is not an overly emotional person, or better to say, he is not one to display them openly; nor is he impulsive. Most of the time he is reserved and cool as a cucumber. However, there are certain things that would trigger an impulsive lash out and everything Cullen-related is on top of said list."

She chewed the inside of her cheek. "Wouldn't that cause some kind of problems when we all show up tomorrow?"

I chuckled humorlessly. "That would be an understatement, but no. Charlie, Sue, Jake and Leah won't be there tomorrow. They'll arrive Friday around noon and stay the whole weekend, it just makes more sense that way- more time for all of us to spend with each other. So, tomorrow it's just Josie, you and your hubby apparently, Ben, Angela, Edward and me. The weekend is just for the family and some of Josie's friends."

"Hmm. It's probably for the best if they don't meet each other," she waited a second before she continued,"for now." Another pause. "They are going to meet at some point, though, don't you think?"

"Yeah, probably. But there is no way in hell they can meet this early on—Charlie and Jake would probably kill Edward—and I'm talking literally kill him here. So, for the sake of all participants involved, I'll take the bullet and get him used to the, uh, _idea_ of Edward being an actual part in Josie's life before their paths can cross." I explained further.

"I wish there was something I could do to make this all a bit easier for you," Rose sighed out next to me, while her beautician applied deep red polish to her nails.

I had intended to go with an ordinary and simple clear polish; however, the red looked so good once applied, that I asked for the same polish as her.

"Thanks, but there isn't much you could help me with. Except maybe making sure that Edward stays away from the apartment for the duration of the weekend?"

"Are you serious?"

Though there was truth behind my words, I meant for them to come out as a joke. Obviously, I failed miserably. It was my turn to sigh then, "I don't know...Edward and I talked a bit more on Sunday while Josie was napping. When I told him about Charlie and entourage coming for a visit and asked him to not show up at the apartment - for the exact same reasons I just told you - he got pretty upset. It took me about twenty minutes to get it into that thick skull of his, that it had nothing to do with me trying to keep them apart, but with the fact that I don't want Josie to see my father and Jake trying to punch the living daylights out of him." I hastily corrected myself. "Not that I want them to beat Edward into a puddle!"

Rosalie only nodded and silence fell upon us; the beauticians were done with their work and we were left alone waiting for the polish to dry.

Turning my head to the left, I saw Josie still patiently sitting in her chair; her legs swinging back and forth and happily chatting away as she motioned to her freshly pierced ears. The hairdresser- I think her name was Kim- was long done with the trimming and was now busy plaiting my girls beautiful hair into a French Braid. She must have caught me watching, for she bend down a bit and whispered something into Josie's ear. When she stood up straight again, my angel was looking at me, waving her little hand. I mimicked her gesture and waved back before sending air kisses her way.

Though I incipiently said otherwise, I could never really hate Edward. Not when he helped creating this beautiful, amazing and adorable creature that stole my heart as soon as I saw her for the first time- hell, maybe even when I felt her kicking for the first time. She was my angel, my everything. Hating Edward would mean hating a part of her, too and that just wasn't possible.

However, I hated what he did. I hated that he cheated on and betrayed me. That even though I told him time and time again- whenever that fucking rumor came up that I cheated on him- that I was faithful, in the end, he believed and trusted somebody else's words more than mine. I hated that his love for me wasn't strong enough and that he gave up on us. Or better to say, that he gave in to Tanya and Irina's hideous skanky-ass attempts at being seductive. I hated-

"Do you really think he would do that?", Rosie interrupted my inner tirade.

"Huh?"

"Do you really think Edward would go and show up at your apartment even though you asked him not to and even though your dad will be there?"

"I wasn't really serious about that, Rose. It would be just my luck for something like that to happen, you know? I don't think there are many more stops left on my way to insanity and a little brawl in the living room while there is cake and little kids are running around just sounds about right, don't ya think?" Once again, I tried it with humor.

"Now _that_ pretty much screams Wisteria Lane!" We both had to laugh at that. "What else did the two of you talk about?"

"Well, he told me about his plans to move to Portland and-" I started, but was once again cut off by Rosalie.

"He did what?" she almost screeched.

"Edward said that he didn't plan on returning to Chicago for long and later elaborated that he was going to go apartment hunting right away. I guess with the Cullen-Family standards that could take some time, though."

"Huh. So he's really going to do it..." Rosalie mumbled out and I wasn't really sure if I was ought to hear it. Yet I couldn't help but ask her what she meant by it.

"Yeah, I guess that isn't something he would have told you about right away. Um, you see, the day after the big confrontation- when I came over to visit- Carlisle called in this big family meeting, obviously to come up with a plan and to get the whole story...anyway, Edward threw a massive fit and totally flipped out once everything that happened the night prior settled in. According to Emmett, he told the whole family off for their conniving ways and going behind his back. The hubby said that he was actually even about to punch good old Daddy C. in the face, but Emmett stepped between them to prevent that from happening.

Before Edward stormed out off the suit, packed his belongings and switched hotels, he told Carlisle to screw himself and that he wasn't going to continue being an architect or becoming one whatsoever. He said they were all done. Naturally, that didn't sit too well with the Cullen patriarch and he tried to blackmail Edward by telling him he would disown and cut him off of all their money. Edward went anyway and as far as I know haven't said a word to either Carlisle, Esme or Alice, yet-but then again, it's only been a few days so far. He was pretty angry with Emmett as well- he still is- but at least they are still taking...His plan to move to Portland must be final then, for he told you the exact same thing!God, I can't believe how things can change so drastically in the blink of an eye..." She paused for a moment and sighed.

I was absolutely speechless and dumbfounded. That was just too... Oh God, Edward. He must be devastated. And angry. Which would explain a few things: his exhausted appearance, his temper and him being on edge. Him having no objections whatsoever when I told him his parents and cousin wouldn't get to see Josie...

Despite all my anger and frustration towards him and all the pain he had caused me, knowing this new bit of information made me feel sorry for him.

Just another factor on my long list of reasons to despise the Cullens.

"You know, I would be laughing my ass off if it wasn't all so damn tragic." Rosie spoke up and brought my attention back to her. "The Cullens- Edward and of course Emmett aside- were never my most favorite people in the world, but...gah! You think you know someone and then...,you know?"

Boy did I know. "Tell me about it," I managed to grunt out before my left leg was assaulted by a little body crushing into it. I turned my head to the side and smiled widely as my eyes settled on my little angel's face, before I picked her up and placed her in my lap. "Look at you, baby girl! Sooo pretty!" I gushed and a kiss on her lips and forehead.

Josie simply beamed and then admired mine and Rosie's nails before proudly presenting her new hairdo.

Later that day, when I tucked Josie into bed, I asked her if she was excited to turn five years old the next day, and about the two 'parties' she would have this year. She smiled brightly and nodded her head eagerly in answering. She told me that she couldn't wait to see her Papa and the other yahoos from Forks- my words not hers- again but that she was also excited to spend another day with Eddie, Lily and Emmy tomorrow.

And of course she couldn't wait to see her birthday cake and to blow out '_all the candles'._

In her book, everything was absolutely perfect and couldn't get any better.

_Oh how I wished I was her..._

Though the last few days made it obvious that luck was not on my side and despise the yet only faintly discernible nagging feeling of foreboding, I prayed that life and fate would give me a few days off and that everything with my dad and family by choice would go as well as I hoped. Some cursing, mild to heavy yelling. Self-induced time-outs outside for Charlie and Jake here and there. Understanding. Group-hug.

NO brawling!

Yep, I really should have known better...

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><p><em><strong>Aaand that was that!<strong>_

_**What did you think of the EPOV? What about the girls' day out? Please let me know what you think!**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**-Sue xx**_


	19. Of Stuffed Monstrosities

_**A/N: Hey everyone! I know, I know I suck! My rl is a bit of a mess right now, so updating, lest of all writing, kind of slips my mind most of the time. If it's any consolation,though, I wasn't able to update anywhere else either. I promise to be better, though.**_

_**Anyway, you're probably as interested in my lame excuse of an excuse, as I am interested in anything that Bieber-kid is doing...=) So off you go and read!**_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 19 (Of Stuffed Monstrosities...)<strong>_

_**Bella**_

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

I shivered.

Ever since that faithful night less than a week ago that flipped my whole world upside down and then some, the sound of someone knocking on my apartment door sent chills down my spine. _And not in a good way..._

"Josie, I think you're guests are here- go and let them in!" I told her, while placing some more glasses on the already laden kitchen table. Josie usually wasn't allowed to open the door herself, but since it was her party and I was only a few steps away, I figured it was okay.

Josie was just on her way to greet her first guests with fast steps, when a mellow male voice spoke up from the of the door. "Birthday Patrol here to visit the birthday princess. Open up!"

Ben.

I tried to stifle my chuckling as best as I could, but when my little girl stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me with wide eyes and bit down on her bottom lip, I just couldn't help myself. Nodding my head encouragingly at her, I stepped closer to where she was standing while fishing my digital camera out of the pocket of the gray cardigan I was wearing.

"Ma'am," Ben spoke up again, "we may have to confiscate all the presents and cake if you don't open this door within the next ten seconds!" He started counting down from ten out loud slowly.

Josie's jaw dropped to the floor before she all but sprinted over, stepped up on her tip toes to reach the handle, and finally opened the door. There was a moment of silence that lasted until my girl realized that she had been played. Putting her hands on her hips, she narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth so say something, but whatever she meant to come out to scold him, was cut off as Ben scooped her up in his arms and tickled her senseless.

Hearing her squealing and laughing so happily and freely was definitely one of the best sounds in the whole world.

Angela and Ben were still busy wishing Josie properly 'happy birthday', when Charlotte and Peter stepped through the still open door and into the apartment. I couldn't help but roll my eyes when I saw that both of them were laden with bags and presents, even though they promised not to go overboard this year. Charlotte must have caught me doing so, for she smiled sheepishly at me while walking closer. "Don't you give me that look, sweetie! Bunny is the closest thing we have for a grandchild so let us spoil her." I held my palms up in surrender before engulfing her in a tight hug.

I loved that woman dearly; not only as the big sister she liked to refer to herself, but also- and most importantly- as the mother figure I never had. It was her and Peter that gave me shelter when I left Forks; her arms that embraced me and her shoulder I cried on for hours and hours on end. It was Charlotte and her husband that supported me as best as they could and then some, when my own mother wouldn't even pretend to care about me or my unborn baby; who literally cut me out of her life for good when I '_threw all my potential away just because I couldn't keep me legs closed_', as she put it so nicely. _You gotta love Renee..._

In all honesty though, I owed my _true_ family so much, for I had no idea how I'd have dealt with all of my misery without Charlie and Sue, Charlotte and Peter, Jacob, Leah and Seth; where I would be now without any of them. Hell, I considered my neighbors, whom I had known for only a few years, more a part of my family than the woman who gave birth to me. The saddest part in this whole clusterfuck, however, was that I owed them all so much but had no idea how to repay only a fraction of what they had given me.

I tried my hardest not to get overwhelmed by my emotions but that was easier said than done. Sensing my change in demeanor, Charlotte tightened her hold on me minutely before pulling back. "Hush now, Bella, what brought this on?"

"Um..nothing, really. It's just my nerves. I guess I'm just a bit emotional because my baby is five years old already, which means not long until she'll start elementary school, and before I know it, she will graduate and leave for college! It feels like yesterday that she was just my little baby. She is growing up so fast and there is nothing I can do about it!" I fibbed exaggeratedly, although there was truth behind my words- my little angel was growing up way too fast for my liking.

Charlotte studied my face for a moment and I could tell that she wasn't fully convinced but she let it go for the time being. "Hmm...must be a parental thing, then," she remarked thoughtfully, hinting at something.

"Charlie?" I couldn't help but grin at the thought of my dad Charlie loosing his cool demeanor over me turning a year older when I was little.

She chuckled and nodded her head, "Yes, he too, but I was talking about...Edward."

"Edward? What's he got to do with it?" I asked dumbfounded.

"See, Peter and I saw him on our way into the building. He was leaning against a car, smoking and muttering to himself- he seemed utterly stressed out. He's probably just as anxious as you are..." She trailed off but not without raising an eyebrow at the last part.

"Huh" I needed a moment to digest that bit of information. "Do you think I should go and check on him?"

"I don't know, sweetie. You know him much better than I do, obviously. However, since he hasn't set foot into the apartment yet, it's probably safe to assume that he is still outside..."

I sighed, nodded, kissed both Charlotte and Peter on the cheek, grabbed my jacket and keys and left the apartment, knowing that Josie was in more than capable hands.

I spotted him right away and true to Charlotte's words, he was leaning against a silver car, lit cigarette in one hand, the other one buried in the riot of hair on top of his head, his lips moving constantly. Was he giving himself a pep talk?

Though the streets and pavements were not as glazed over as the other day, there were still many slippery spots I had to circumvent on my way over to him. He seemed so lost in his own mind that he never noticed me approaching. In fact, it took me to stand directly in front of him and say his name out loud to break the spell he was under. I couldn't tell if it was due to the cold or because I caught him in his state of distress, but his cheeks appeared to be quite rosy when he finally looked up.

"You shaved." I blurted out randomly to start a conversation.

"Hmm? Oh,...yeah." He brought one hand up to touch his chin.

"What are you doing here- having a little private party, Edward? Wouldn't you rather join us upstairs for the real party?"

"No. Yes. I mean, I was just...and then...aw, fuck!" He flipped the cigarette bud on the sidewalk and sighed out frustratedly.

"What, Edward, what is it?"

"It's stupid, you wouldn't... It's just stupid!" Once again he appeared more like a boy than a grown- up man.

"It's only stupid if you make it into something stupid so, try me!" I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him my best, Victoria-approved, no-bullshit-stare.

"Fine." He squirmed slightly. "Ugh...I went present shopping for Josie yesterday, but once in the store I realized that I had absolutely no idea what she might like or need or want! I spent at least four hours in that damn _Toys'R'Us_, walking from aisle to aisle... do you know how many damn aisles there are in these damn stores? And all of them are filled with so much stuff- I had no idea what to get for Josie. I kept on changing my mind- the staff already thought I was either crazy or a shoplifter! I mean, they have fucking everything! But I didn't know what was right for her or whether she already had what I picked for her and I-"

"Edward, stop!" I had to cut him off since his whole explanation came out in one long string and I was afraid he might pass out due to a lack of oxygen. "Don't stress yourself out over a present- I'm sure whatever you got her is just fine! Hell, I bet you could simply draw her a picture and she would love it. Even empty handed you'd be the best invention after chocolate ice cream in her eyes. That's how much she adores you already. She is only five- money or price tags don't mean anything to her. But if it's any help, we can coordinate for Christmas, okay?" I offered with a smile to lighten the mood some.

"Sounds like a plan." He laughed through his nose before he buried his hands in the pockets of his coat and looked at the ground. "It's just...this is my first birthday with her and I...I wanted to make it perfect. I know that defining it over something materialistic isn't the best solution, but It's the best I came up with. I'm kind of at a loss here...but, I just... I can't screw this up!" The last part was spoken merely above a whisper. He, obviously, wasn't only talking about the present, either.

I took a hesitant step towards him. "Then don't." The urge to reach out and console him was so strong, I had to ball my hands into tight fists to prevent myself from doing so. It was a good thing that he was still inspecting the pavement, for my resolve would have buckled under that lost and forlorn sad puppy eyes look of his.

He chuckled humorlessly,"That's all you've got? Those are your words of wisdom?" Though he raised his head, he looked everywhere but at me. And that did it.

"Edward," I started while laying my hand on his left forearm,"you can only screw this up if you hurt her and badly so. Even though I think it's really...cute that you worry so much about the present, I can guarantee you here and now that it wouldn't change a thing for her, even if it was the 'wrong' thing. See, last night when I tucked her into bed, I asked Josie if she was excited about her birthday and the party today, and do you know what her answer was? She said that she was looking forward to have her cake and blow out the candles, but mostly, that she couldn't wait to spend more time with her new grown-up friends- that's you, Rosalie and Emmett. In this exact order. I know this is all...new and overwhelming for you, but as I said- unless you plan on hurting her you cannot screw this up more than me, alright?"

He nodded slowly, contemplating my words.

"Alright,then. I don't know about you, but I'm in a desperate need of some cake and a big kiss from a certain brown-haired beauty. Why don't we go up, have some fun and continue this conversation another time?"

"Sounds absolutely perfect! Just let me get...," Edward agreed while walking over to the back of the car.

"Rental?" I let my fingers slide over the shiny hood of the Mercedes.

"Yep." He opened the trunk to pick something big and white out of it, causing my jaw to drop.

"You are shitting me, right?" He couldn't be serious.

The frown that knitted Edward's eyebrows together was instant."I-I...uh..," he stammered dumbfounded. The crease between his brows was deep, the sigh that escaped his lips long and laced with frustration. His head dropped.

Despite his height and the fact that he was an adult man, he looked like a little boy chided; so small and unsure of himself. But it wasn't until he moved to put the big bundle of white fluff back into the trunk that I realized my mistake, that he got my remark all wrong.

"I mean, seriously Edward, there you go all emo on me and give me crap about how you wouldn't know what to give your...daughter for her birthday, when in reality your present will put everything else to shame!" I let out a fake chuckle to sell my attempt to make light out of this mishap more convincing.

"Wha-...what?"

I took a step closer and brought one hand up to let my fingertips run over the soft plush. "Edward, Josie is going to lose her mind when she sees this. It's totally over the top and was definitely way too expensive but damn it all, she is going to love it! I'm not sure who she is going to hug more though- you or the kitten."

"So, I did well?" His lips curled upward the slightest bit. Rolling my eyes I grabbed his free hand and dragged him behind me as I moved back towards the building. I snorted,"Yes, you did very well. In fact, I'm a little bit jealous and may plan to burrow it from time to time for cuddling purposes. Now, move it!"

_**Edward **_

As soon as we reached the confines of the brownstone, she let go of me, and we silently took the stairs up to her floor.

Though Bella's pep talk had helped calming my nerves down somewhat, I was still on edge. She must think I was the biggest pansy ass for freaking out over a birthday gift for a five-year-old. Hell, _I_ thought I was a fucking pansy for doing that. Obviously, it should have been as easy as eating pie, since little children were happy about pretty much everything, and were therefore fairly easy to please, right?

All good in theory, but wrong in reality. In _mine_, anyway.

The whole dilemma I had with finding something I could give my daughter for her birthday wasn't about a certain price I thought, or materialistic value I deemed acceptable for said gift, but lay within the fact that it was a present for _my daughter_. The first present I would ever give to her and on the first birthday I would witness no less.

Therefore, I wanted- no, needed to give her something good. Something she would like. Whatever that something was.

Everything that came to my mind either seemed way over the top for a five-year-old, or after serious consideration, way over the top for a five-year-old. I even considered asking Bella for some help and input, but quickly decided against it, for I really wanted to do that on my own.

So I went to _Toys 'R'_ fucking _Us_ the day before to buy her a gift, cockily assuming that I'd find the perfect something in no time there. _How fucking wrong I had been._

First off, it took ages to find my way around the damn store and examine the different aisles, because those fuckers have everything! There were so many possibilities it was confusing and frustrating as hell since I kept on changing my mind. After about two hours I had it cut down to four sections: boardgames, everything _Barbie_, everything _Hello Kitty_ and everything _Disney. _

The boardgames were the first things to get scratched from my list of possibilities. First of all because I had absolutely no idea which ones she already had and secondly, because it seemed too boring. _What the hell was I thinking?_

After a young and way too friendly for my liking saleslady asked me for the third time if I needed any help- which I politely denied for the third time- I also kicked the _Barbie_ dolls from the list. Though I was perfectly aware that little girls usually liked them, my little baby girl was way too young to get one of those. The outfits those plastic thingies wore were way too skimpy! _What the hell was I thinking?_ Josie could ask for one of those when she was at least ten years older- without any skimpy clothing, though. I would make sure of that.

After countless hours spent in that goddamn store, while being mercilessly molested by the bright light that, combined with the pop music overload that came playing through the speakers, led to a raging headache, I decided to give up. The middle-aged salesman that had been following me around on my not-so merry ways through the store for quite some time only encouraged me in my decision. He tried to be unsuspicious, but failed miserably. So I quit. Not on finding a gift for Josie altogether but on finding the perfect present just then. I had planned on asking Bella to let me spend day with my girl and take her somewhere outside anyway, so I would take her shopping then and let her pick something herself. That sounded good enough for me.

But wasn't that basically the same as giving away a gift card?

Who gives their five-year-old daughter a gift card?

Yeah, I almost dropped down on my knees, groaning out in agony while shredding my sweater with my bare hands like the fucking _Hulk_ when I landed back on square one. All this back and forth really did a number on my nerves.

Pissed off with myself and the situation, I stood with my hands placed on my hips in an aisle I learned to know by heart. Sighing out loudly in frustration, I contemplated what kind of asshole showing up empty handed on my baby girl's birthday would make me, when my eyes- while roaming along the different displays- landed on something that all of a sudden appeared perfect.

There, on the top shelf sat, dressed in a purple dress with an equally purple bow wrapped around one ear, a mountain of white plush. The biggest fucking stuffed _Hello Kitty_ I had ever seen- it was probably bigger than Josie herself.

Without wasting anymore time and with the help of the old sales clerk with stalker tendencies- since even my tall ass was too short to reach the top shelf without actually climbing the whole damn thing like a monkey- I got the kitty, paid for it and finally left the damn store.

Still intending to take Josie out one day soon, I was confident and satisfied with my purchase.

That was until I pulled up on the side of the brownstone earlier.

"How desperately do you want a proper hug and greeting from the little one?" The ringing of Bella's voice interrupted my musings. I turned my head and found her smiling slightly at me.

Without really understanding her question, I offered her a small smile of my own."Um, really desperately I guess."

We were almost at her apartment door. "Hmm, I thought so," she said and then pointed at the fluffy bundle in my arms, "you better hide that one then until you got that hug." She walked ahead and through the open apartment door while I placed the stuffed monstrosity on the floor behind me and then followed her. Before I actually had the chance to pass the threshold, however, my legs were attacked by something small, beautiful and precious.

"Baby girl," I smiled and then bend down to pick her up," hello there, my heart." Josie wrapped her little arms around my neck and then squeezed the hell out of me. I moved us around so that she wasn't facing her present. When she pulled back, I attacked her face with kisses and was rewarded with her lovely laugh. Like the other day, she tried to stop me by covering my lips with her hand and, just like the other day, I simply kissed her palm. She placed her hand on my cheek and rubbed it gently. "It's not scwatchy!"

"No, it's not. I shaved it all away. But look at you, sweetie. You're looking all adorable here!" I reached out and curled one of her wavy tresses around my pointer finger, "Especially your hair." While I combed my fingers though her dark curls, she told me all about her day out with Rose and Bella and how she got her '_lobes pieced_' and then her hair cut, and that her hair was so curly now because the hairdresser plaited it. I listened intently, admired her pierced earlobes-studs included- and told her that she looked really, really petty- which she did.

"Alright, baby girl, are you ready for your surprise?" I waited for her nod before I placed her back on the ground. "Close your eyes and wait here, okay?" I watched as she lifted her hands up to her face and covered her eyes with them, before I placed a small kiss on her forehead and walked passed her to grab the plush monster.

"Okay, on the count to three you can open your eyes. 1...2...3!" A soon as the word 'three' had left my mouth, Josie's hands- along with her jaw- dropped and she stared wide eyed and open-mouthed at her present. "Foh me?"She eventually asked, her voice full of awe.

"It sure is, my heart. Happy Birthday, Josie!" I waited for any kind of response to that but there was none.

At first.

The silence lasted for about two seconds before she started squealing excitedly and bounced up and down. Her reaction made me smile so widely that my cheeks actually started to hurt- but boy did it feel good! When she finally reached out to hold the stuffed Hello Kitty, she almost toppled over because the toy indeed was a few inches taller than her and we- _I_ underestimated the weight of it. So I had to reach out and steady her. Josie, unfazed by almost falling down, hugged and nuzzled her new toy with all her might.

The clicking of a camera eventually brought my attention to Bella, Charlotte and three other people I dimly remembered seeing in one of the picture frames in Josie's room. They were all standing near the apartment's threshold and had obviously watched Josie's little outburst.

I wasn't the only one who noticed our little audience.

"Mommy, mommy, look what I got!" Her voice was almost bubbling over with excitement and her obvious happiness over something as trivial as an oversized stuffed toy, caused a wave of warmth to spread throughout my whole body.

"Ooh, that's so awesome, Bunny! I'm _sooo_ jealous right now." Bella cooed, while we all watched Josie's attempt to walk over to her. It was quite comical to watch since, she kept on swaying to the side with the kitty in her arms. But my girl was determined and managed to make her way over to Bella and the rest of them without actually falling down.

I remained standing where I was and observed as the whole group of them ooh'd and ahh'd as my girl proudly presented my gift. After a few more moments of that, Bella spoke up again, "Honey, have you thanked Edward for his present, yet?" I watched as Josie's eyes went wide with horror before she shook her head no. She looked over at me, then at the plush monster in her arms, at Bella and back again while, she bit down on her bottom lip. I was about to speak up and tell them both that thanks weren't necessary, when Josie all but thrust the toy in her mother's arms and sprinted back to me; with a jump, she landed in my awaiting arms.

"Thank you foh my pwesent, Eddie." She hugged my neck fiercely before leaning back again to squeeze my cheeks together with her hands and pecked my force-puckered lips with her rosy red ones loudly.

"So, you like it, huh?"

She nodded her head so avidly, I feared she might get a concussion. "It's the best evah and I love it _sooo_ much!"

_And I love you soo much! _

The words were close to spilling from my lips, but out of fear that it would have been too soon to speak them, I pressed he tiny body closer to me and inhaled my daughter's sweet scent.

Only a few minutes later, I had been introduced to Angela, Ben and Peter. Angela offered me a small smile, whereas the latter two found it important to squeeze my hand more forceful than necessary when we shook hands. _The number of members in my fanclub was steadily increasing..._

Not that I expected anything else. By the end of the day, meaning everything Bella did- or rather _didn't- _aside, I was still the bad guy in this. No matter how many time you twisted and turned it, it would always come down to that conclusion. They knew it. I knew it. Naturally, they wouldn't welcome me with open arms and I doubted I wanted them to. Making new friends wasn't the top priority on my to-do-list at that moment, so I was cool with them keeping their distance. It's not like they were openly hostile or rude, more like reserved; Peter, who was Charlotte's husband and Ben, who was with Angela, in particular. We exchanged a few words- hollow pleasantries, really- but that was that. I was sure that a few things they'd like to say to me, but for the time being, we all put a good face on things.

It wasn't long before Emmett and Rosalie arrived. My sister-in-law had gift bags dangling from her hands and my brother carried the biggest fucking stuffed teddy bear in his arms I had ever seen.

_His stuffed fucker was even bigger than my Kitty and it pissed me off! _

It wasn't so much the fact that the teddy bear was bigger that annoyed me, but more the fact that we got Josie similar gifts. Of course, my little girl ate that shit up. Her eyes went wide, she started squealing and- after she actually fell flat on her behind due to the weight and sheer monstrosity of the teddy when Emmett handed it to her- she hugged and kissed him. _She didn't tell him it was 'the best present ever' though. Hah! _

Bella wasn't too amused about their excessive gifting either. She stood to the side, hands on her hips and scowled at Rose.

"What's that look for?" I asked quietly, after I had made my way over to her.

A huff. "She promised me," she shook her head slowly from side to side," that she wouldn't do this. She already bought her the earrings...oh my God, is that a bag from Saks? And Burberry...you've got to be fucking kidding me!" The last part was nothing but a growl.

She was talking herself into a frenzy and, even though I was glad that her wrath for once wasn't directed at me, I put my hand on her shoulder in a calming manner. "Shh...it's all good. No need to get all worked up here-..." that was all I got out before she cut me off.

"Are _you_ kidding me? I don't even need to see what she bought to know that it was way too expensive and just..too much! I knew she was up to something when she asked me about Josie's size...Ugh, she better still has all the receipts so she can bring it all back." Mumbling, she added something in the means of "I'm gonna rip all her extensions out", and I really had to bite my cheek to prevent myself from bursting out laughing.

"Why is it such a big deal that she got a bit overboard with the shopping?" I inquired, once I had myself under control. I received an incredulous glare, but before Bella could open her mouth and continue her rant, I grabbed her hand and dragged her over to the little one's room. As soon as the door was closed behind us, I motioned for her to go on.

"You and that oaf you call a brother went overboard by buying this mountains of plush. Rosalie probably spending hundreds of dollars on top of that was absolutely unnecessary."

"It's just clothing! Besides, isn't it the other way around- the stuffed toys unnecessary and the clothing too overboard?"

"Stuffed animals are never really necessary in the long run. But the clothes...Those are all brands!"

"So what?" She didn't make any sense at all.

"'So what!' Dude, the only thing under fifty bucks in those stores is the fucking shopping bag itself! Your sister-in-law carried at least six of them and I highly doubt they are empty. Burberry for a _five-year old_!" She started pacing and simultaneously rubbed her pointer and middle finger over her forehead. "Look, I appreciate the thought and gesture and I know that she didn't mean anything by it, but it's just too much-"

"What is this really about?" There was more to her reluctance than just the price tags, there had to be.

"I don't want my daughter to become a spoiled brat, okay!"

Of course.

"You're blowing this out of all proportions here! And that all just because of what, a few sweaters and pants? What kind of damage could they possibly do? Not even an hour ago you told me that Josie is too young to understand the value of money when I freaked out, and now you're shitting a brick over it yourself!" I stood with my arms crossed over my chest and watched her movements.

"Yet. She is too young to understand it, yet. Children are quick t learn, though and then what? A golden rattle? A pair of heels for Christmas and calling her Suri?"

"Would that make me Tom Cruise?" I couldn't help but shudder.

"Edward!" she growled and punched me left pec, "can you at least pretend taking me serious here?"

I let out a sigh and rubbed the spot where she hit me. "I am taking you serious, it just seems a bit farfetched for me. Just because we buy her a few nice things here and there-," I quickly held my hand up and signed for her wait with the rant that was about to escape from her rosy lips, " and I don't mean to imply that she doesn't already have a lot of really nice things- doesn't mean she will turn into an unappreciative little brat like..."

"Alice?" Bella chimed in.

"I was about to say me, but I guess your example is even better!" I waited for her to comment on that statement that was meant as a joke, for her to deny it. But she didn't. _Alright... _I admit that my ego was lightly bruised, but I wasn't really offended. And how could I when it was really the truth? Emmett, Alice and myself were spoiled brats- especially Alice. Emmett and I were perfectly aware of that most of the time; my cousin on the contrary...

"Look, I can see where you're coming from, but I really don't think you have to worry about this. Josie won't turn into someone like Alice- not with a down-to-earth mother like you and a hard-working no bullshit whatsoever grandfather like the Chief. We just won't let her, okay?" Her left eyebrow twitched minutely with the end of my speech. "Rose didn't do this out of spite or because she wanted to show off, neither did Emmett." _Or I_. "I think they just wanted to make up for five years of missing out..." _I should have stopped while I was still in the lead._

She puffed her cheeks, sighed and then clicked her tongue. " I get that, okay? I do. And I admit that I overreacted, but going behind my back really isn't...I just don't like people going behind my back!" She mumbled something more under her breath I couldn't quite make out, but it sounded like something about "damn Cullens messing with her head".

"Mommy?" Josie's muffled voice came from the other side of the door, before she opened it slowly.

"What is it, sweet pea?"

"The phone wings the whole time, but it isn't ouwahs and Ben said it's maybe Eddie's and that somebody should tell you. So, I came and did." She bit down on her bottom lip, "Can I have cake now, please?" She was so cute.

"That was really sweet of you, baby, and sure you can. Edward and me just have to finish our conversation and when we come back to join everyone in the living, you can have your cake. One more minute, okay?"

"Uh-huh," Josie nodded, smiled and then left.

There was a short pause in which neither of us said a word. Bella was the first to break the silence, "Another conversation for another time?"

We both sighed before I nodded my head in agreement. "Just promise me not to be too harsh to Rose."

"I promise." She took a few steps towards the door, but then stopped and turned back around to face me again. "But let me tell you this: if next year, around this time, Josie demands on getting her own horse named Gucci, and a Louis Vuitton purse, I'm gonna shave Blondie's head with an edgeless razor, kick your ass until it's shining in all the colors of the rainbow and kick Emmett's balls! Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am." I moved to follow her outside, "But why would kick Emmett's balls- he probably wasn't even involved in that."

She shrugged, "When on a roll..."

Upon re-entering the living room we found Josie in some kind of stare-down with an unfamiliar man. He was tall with short, blonde hair, blue eyes and almost as steroid-pumped as my brother. Both of them stood with their hands on their hips and narrowed eyes.

"Don't ya think you forgot something here, Missy?" the man, who appeared to be in his mid-twenties, asked with a stern tone. _Who. The. Fuck. Did that guy think he was?_

"Uuh,...no?" Apparently, my girl wasn't impressed.

"_Josie_." The man hissed in warning.

"_James_." Josie mocked hissed right back at him.

My hands were balled to fists and I was ready to deck that fucker- or at least land a few punches before he knocked me out- for talking to my daughter like that. I was about to lung forward, when Bella slung her arm around my middle to hold me back.

"Don't," she whispered, "that's just one of their usual antics."

I looked down at her dumbfounded. "What?"

"They are just playing...just wait and see!"

Before I could form any kind of reply, the asshole names James spoke up again. "Josie, I want my hug!"

My baby girl brought her arms up and crossed them over her chest. "Too bad you ahw not getting one..." I heard a few chuckles coming from the other bystanders.

"That's unfair and you know it. Vic got one even though it was _me_ who brought the ice cream!" James lamented and mimicked his little opponent's movements.

"Sucks to be you, then!" Josie fired back. Before half the people present could scold her halfheartedly- which we deed, speaking as one- the little imp clutched her hands over her mouth. Her eyes were opened wide and it was obvious that she was just as surprised by her little outburst then we were.

"Alright, that's it. You asked for it, Josie-Bug!" That James dude said with a chuckle, and then lunged for her, scooped her up in his arms and attacked her neck; making loud chewing noises as he pretended to take a bite out of her. Josie's infectious belly laugh rang through the whole apartment and I made it my mission to hear it more often.

Eventually, James stopped his little act, "Can I have my hug now?" he asked her with a much gentler voice than the first time I heard him speaking.

Josie nodded and slung her little arms around his neck, and her head to the crook of it.

"Are they always like that?" I asked Bella, who had already let go of me.

"Worse. They are getting there though, trust me. By the end of this evening, you're going to wonder who the five-year old is here and who the adult." She grinned with her eyes still trained on the duo.

"Argh...a leech. A leech!" James' squealing brought my attention back to him and my daughter, who was currently attached to his neck and played vampire.

Bella snorted, joined in on my chuckling, and then pulled me on the sleeve of my sweater over to the kitchen, to place and lit the candles on Josie's chocolate cake. Earlier, Ben and Angela went upstairs to get more chairs, so we all could sit around the table. We all gathered around it, with Josie kneeling on a chair at the head of the table, sang "happy birthday", and watched as she blew out all the purple candles at once. A few pictures were taken, and while Charlotte helped Josie to cut her cake, Bella and Angela brought coffee and juices to the table.

As we all sat down, it felt as if I was transported to a scene somewhere between a Thanksgiving dinner due to all the plates and bowls of food- or in this case cake, muffins and ice cream- on the table, and the intro of that TV show _Rosanne, _since there was so much chatting and laughing going on. I recalled my own childhood birthdays or other gatherings, and tried to remember one where everything felt as free and _alive_ as this, but I just couldn't. I remembered formal dinners in fancy restaurants, cocktail parties and other events I had to dress up for. There were a few birthday parties when I was only a few years older than Josie was now, but they were all so...stiff because all the kids' parents and business associates of my parents were in attendance also, and therefore, we all had to be on our best behavior. But surely there were a few times where me and my little friends just had fun, right? There had to be...

"Could you pass that to Bella?" James's voice snapped me out of my musings.

"Uh, sure," I answered and took the plate he held out. I couldn't help but frown when I saw the big scoop of chocolate ice cream next to a slice of chocolate cake on it.

I turned my body to the left and tapped her shoulder, "This is for you?"

"Hell yea!" she all but snatched the plate out of my hand.

"Since when do you like chocolate- I thought you were the vanilla type?" As soon as the last part had left my lips, James snorted loudly beside me.

Bella shot him an evil glare before she reached behind me and punched his shoulder. I tried not to think too hard about what he could imply with his reaction.

"When I was um...pregnant, I couldn't stand anything vanilla flavored or scented, but had intense chocolate cravings. And well, I never really turned back." She finished her explanation with a shrug.

Just as we were all about to dig in down, there was a knock at the door. Bella growled lowly as a shiver ran through her body, before standing up. Her reaction pretty much confused, but before I had the chance to ask her what the deal was, she was gone. _Weird._

"So, you're Edward, huh?" I turned back around to face James.

"Ah yes, that would be me." His face gave nothing away, but he held his hand out for me to shake. I mentally prepared myself for him smashing my hand with his own, but he never did.

"I'm James. The beautiful redhead over there that's kind of salivating over your brother without being too obvious, is my Victoria."

I shot him an incredulous look and then craned my neck to where Victoria was sitting. Sure enough, she said there with her eyes all glazed over and set on my brother, biting down on her bottom lip.

"Wha-" that was all I got out.

"Uh yea, my little minx has a thing for muscles and well,..." he kept on talking, but I wasn't really paying attention. Looking over his shoulder, my focus was on the person that was trailing behind Bella as she returned to the table.

_What the hell?_

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><p><em><strong>Alright, that's it again for now! Hope you guys like it! Thank you all for reading and leaving me lovely reviews! Since my lack of time I wasn't able to work with PTB either, so nothing was beta'ed. I hope that as soon as I can get my life back in order and have more tim<strong>__**e for writing and updating, I can get that done as well.**_

_**Anyway, I have a fic rec**__** for you to check out**_

_**- The Morphing Games by Orrington_Rose This story has me hook, line and sinker. It's a Twilight/The Hunger Games crossover and still pretty much at the beginning of the story. It's dark, twisted, intense and it captured me right away. The author is also really talented, another plus. The story pretty much owns me, so go ahead and check it out!**_

_**~Sue**_


	20. and Unforeseeable Encounters

_**Aloha!**_

_**Alright, so here is the deal: I actually meant to get this chapter last month on my birthday since I got to had chocolate cake, and I thought the least I could was give you something to read in return. But then my laptop started acting up like the bitch that it is and I had to go and take it in. It took them ages to get my beloved piece of crap fixed again, and when I finally got it back, I wasn't happy with the chapter anymore. So yeah, I tinkered and edited around and this is the outcome... **_

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><p><em><strong>Chapter 20 ...and (Un)Foreseeable Encounters<strong>_

_**Edward**_

_What the hell?_

My brows furrowed in confusion. Out of all the people...

"Jasper?" from the tone of his voice, I took it Emmett was just as surprised to see our friend in Bella's apartment as I was.

"Uh, hello everyone," Jasper waved awkwardly with one hand, while the other stayed hidden behind his back. He had only taken a few steps into the room, and stood actually closer to the door than to where we were sitting."I'm sorry for interrupting your little party here, I just wanted to talk to Isabella for a moment."

I looked over at Bella, who stood behind Josie's chair, and thought she looked as dumbfounded as I felt. I hadn't really talked to Jazz ever since the day of the infamous home invasion, therefore I had absolutely no idea what he was up to.

Though I could still hear the chatting of the others, I knew that most of their attention was on Bella and the newest addition to our group.

"Um...okay?" Bella agreed hesitantly, looking from Jazz, to me, to Rose and Emmett and then back again. "Did you want to talk in private or...?"

"No. No that won't be necessary. I just wanted—no, needed to apologize for the other day. I just felt bad for the way everything went down then. I was part of that disaster even though it was most certainly not my business. And," he brought the hand that wasn't hidden behind his back up to scratch to scratch the back of his neck minutely, "I figured I could either say sorry in the form of a card attached to a bouquet of flowers, or I could tell you how sorry I was and present you a bouquet of flowers in person." With that, he dropped the hand from his neck behind his back, before he held out two colorful bouquets. "That much I owe you," he stated and motioned for to take one.

My knowledge of everything floral was very, very limited; I could count the ones I was able to identify and name on both my hands. However, I definitely made out the pink, yellow and orange Gerbera daisies among the various different flowers, since they were the favorites of Maggie—a former nanny of Emmett, Alice and myself. She often bought some and placed them in a vase in the kitchen-surrounded by the otherwise strictly white-and-steel theme of that room, the loudness of the petals always stood out. That simple gesture made the room always appear friendlier; almost like Maggie herself made everything about the big house in Seattle friendlier whenever she was around. Out of the four nannies we had throughout the years, she had always been my favorite.

She left us shortly after my thirteenth birthday, after her husband had been in an accident that left him paraplegic, and she needed to tend to his care.

I made a mental note to find out about her current whereabouts to send her a big fucking bunch of Gerbera, and maybe even get back in touch.

"Oh. Wow...Jasper, that really wasn't necessary. I mean, _you_ of all people involved...You didn't have to... What I'm trying to say is, thank you." With that, she reached out and took the bouquet from his hand. "They are lovely." She hesitantly took a step forward and gave him a brief and slightly awkward one-armed hug.

"Pssst, Ed, who is that guy?" James asked lowly, his eyes trained on the interaction between Bella and Jazz.

"That's Jasper. Rosalie's brother, and mine and Emmett's best friend. He," I paused and reached out for my glass of apple juice to take a sip, before continuing my explanation, "was here the day my...ugh...family came here to talk to Bella."

So far, James hadn't given anything away that indicated his knowledge about had happened between my family and Bella here the other week, or commented his opinion of me and what I had done to Bella. In fact, he had been rather nice. However, when I saw his eyes narrowing at the mention of the infamous home invasion, I considered that his reaction towards me— or lack thereof— could have been a mere act.

"I don't know what or how much Bella told you about that day— hell, I only found out about what really happened here after it took place... Just know that Jazz, Rose and Emmett came here to give Bella a heads up, to warn her that my father was coming for her after he told them about his plans. Rose and her brother have never even met her beforehand, they can not be blamed for anything here."

"And the _Incredible Hulk_ can be blamed?" James asked with a sideways glance at my brother. Though his jaw tightened minutely, his voice was even; free of the anger that I clearly saw flashing behind his eyes as turned his head back to face me.

_Shit._

Things have been going so well for the last few hours. _Too well_. I should have known better...

Picturing James and Emmett beating the crap out of each other was not a difficult task; the images came freely to my mind.

Though I wasn't totally opposed to the idea of my brother dearest getting his ass kicked for the shit he pulled back then, for what he did to Bella and me, in general, I knew it wasn't right.

"Yeah, well...um. Look-" I started to stammer pathetically, but before I had the chance to get my shit under control, movement in the corner of my eye distracted me from appeasing the muscle man next to me.

With one hand still clasped behind his back, Jasper slowly walked over to the head of the table, towards where my little baby was sitting and devouring her slice of chocolate cake. It was only when his back was fully turned to me that I saw that he was hiding another bouquet—the same kind as Bella's—behind his back.

"Hello there, little darlin'," He squatted down next to her chair. "Do you remember me?"

Josie, who was just about to shove another fork full of chocolatey delight into her equally chocolate-covered mouth, bit down on her lip and shook her head no. As if to estimating whether she should remember him, she furrowed her brows a bit and leaned in to study his face more closely.

"Oh, that's alright, little one. We only met once and that was really, really brief. My name is Jasper, but all my friends call me Jazz, and I'm Rosie's little brother. Nice to meet ya." With that, he held his hand out for her to shake.

At the mention of Rose's name, my little girl's head whipped around to where my sister-in-law was sitting, looking for confirmation. When she received an encouraging nod and a wink from her, Josie brought her attention back to Jazz and slowly brought her tiny hand to his much larger one. "I'm Josie. Nice to meet you, too. You sistahw is one of my best gwown-up fwiends."

"That's awesome, darlin', I'm sure you two have lots of fun together. Now, do you know what my sister told me? She told me that today it's your birthday today. You know, where I come from you always buy the pretty ladies some flowers on their special day, and that's why I got you...this!" He underlined his last word by presenting the flowers. "Happy birthday, little Josie."

Eyes as big as saucers. Check.

Jaw dropping. Check.

Furiously reddened cheeks. Che...wait _what_?

We all watched as Josie reached out shyly to tentatively touch some of the petals. "They ahw soo pwetty." She crooned in awe.

"I'm really glad you like them so much." Jasper offered her a toothy grin, "I also got you a little something else...there you go." He picked an _Eeyore_ PEZ dispenser out of his jacket pocket, and handed it along with the flowers over to her.

"Eeyoh!" Josie squealed, before she bounced excitedly up and down in her chair a few times. My little girl was so damn adorable.

In her enthusiasm over the piece of plastic, she, at first, didn't realize that her movements caused the flowers to slide over her plate full of cake and ice cream several times, effectively coating some of the blossoms and greens with splodges of chocolate. However, when she noticed her "_oopsie_", she immediately tried rectifying her mishap by licking the coating away—much to everyone's amusement. There was chuckling and snickering all over. Bella even snorted, before she helped Josie out of her chair and carried her over to the kitchen sink.

"You can't just put everything in your mouth or lick at it, okay?" She told Josie softly. My little girl replied something to that, but she spoke rather quietly, therefore, I could only make out Bella's side of their conversation."No, not even when it's chocolate-coated."

I tried. I really, really tried to not let my mind drift to the gutter at that statement—especially since my little daughter was involved, which made it utterly inappropriate—but as soon as my brother, Ben and James burst out laughing, I just couldn't hold back anymore and joined in.

Bella shot us all a nasty glare while she placed Josie back on the ground, and then asked Jasper if he'd like to stay and join our little gathering. Before he even had the chance to voice his decision, Charlotte handed him a freshly filled plate.

While Bella was busy filling two vases with water to put the bouquets into, Josie walked back over to her chair, ordered Jazz to take her seat, and then brought her plate over to me.

She was about to climb into my lap, when a thought crossed my mind. I watched as she returned to her original sitting place and shyly hugged and thanked Jasper for her presents. When she came back to me with her arms up in the air, I dutifully obeyed and hoisted her up and placed in her in my lap, just as Bella placed the two vases on the table and took her seat beside me.

It took another hour until even the last one—namely Emmett—was finally filled to the brim with sweet goodness.

Fueled by the sugar running through her veins, Josie was even more hyper and exuberant while unwrapping her remaining presents, then she was while receiving the giant plush monstrosities. Bella's predication about Josie not caring, or rather not fully understanding, about the materialistic value of her gifts, was absolutely accurate. Her reaction over the two new coloring books from James and Victoria was the same as the one over her new _Fisher Price _CD player she got from Charlotte and Peter. In fact, I think the only time she wasn't _that_ overly excited was when she inspected the shopping bags full of clothes Rosie had brought her. Though she admired the "pwettiness" of the different items, there wasn't much squealing. I had to bite the inside of my cheek as to not start laughing, when I saw Bella's smug expression, arched eyebrow included, upon witnessing that.

When the living room floor was covered in wrapping paper and there were no more presents left to be unwrapped, my little girl insisted, or rather _demanded_, we try out and play the new board games Angela and Ben had given her. And since my daughter had all of us pretty much wrapped around her pretty, little finger, James, Emmett and myself complied and played _Candyland_ and the kid's edition of _Uno_ with her. Emmett, being the sore loser that he was, was the first one to quit, but he was quickly replaced by Jasper—much to Josie's delight. Not that she didn't like my brother anymore, but Jazz was the new guy—toy, that held her interest and Em was yesterday's news for the time being.

Playing the games was a lot of fun, especially when Josie called James out for cheating—which happened a lot.

It happened during the third game of _Candyland _that the sound of my ringtone rang through the apartment, and only then that I remembered that I was ought to check my phone for the missed calls I had received earlier. I made it off of the floor and over to the wardrobe where my coat was hung in no time, fingered my phone out of the pocket and froze.

Five new texts, eight missed calls and counting. All by the same person.

Esme.

True to my word, there hasn't been any contact between me and one of _them_ ever since our fall out in my parent's hotel room, and so far the decision to cut all ties had seemed mutual. Obviously, no matter if I would actually cut them out forever, we'd always be related, they'd theoretically always be a part of my family, but for the moment, they just...weren't.

I was neither prepared, nor in the mood to talk to her, and considered ending the call right away since it kept on ringing still. But then I thought that something bad could have occurred, or something important happened and, on that account it would be imperative for me to answer my cell phone. In an attempt to both, calm and steel myself for whatever was to come, I took a deep breath while stepping out of the apartment and into the hallway, before finally answering.

"_Edward. Anthony. How wonderful to see you finally managed to answer..._" Esme seethed into the phone, without missing a beat.

"Esme." I cut in, but then left it at that. Hardly two sentences were exchanged and I already had enough.

I waited for her to continue, but there was only silence coming from her end of the line. "Listen, I'm busy right now, so whatever important news you have to tell me, do it now."

That did it for her. "_First of all, _son_, I am your Mother, not some passing acquaintance, and you will address me as such! And secondly, neither am I some common employee bothering you, and that you want to get rid of. Whatever it is your are doing there, will have to wait a few minutes._" Her voice was even, but condescending.

"I beg your pardon, _Mother_, but what I'm doing right now is really important to me. So, you can either have your say now, or you'll have to wait until it's a better time for me to talk." I hissed through clenched teeth, mindful as to not raise my voice too much. Admittedly, I was more concerned about the apartment full of people that could easily hear me, than being disrespectful toward Esme.

"_I won't tolerate you talking to me in that tone any longer, Edward. What's gotten into you lately? That attitude of yours needs to go. I didn't raise you..."_

"That's right, you didn't." I mumbled under my breath.

"_...when all I wanted to know was when to expect you in Seattle for Christmas!_" She finally ended her rant. Thankfully, she didn't caught my little slip.

"Well, why haven't you said so from the beginning, I could have given you that answer right away," I sighed exasperatedly.

"_Well?_" She asked clearly annoyed after a brief pause.

"Well, what?" I feigned ignorance.

"_Are you doing this on purpose?_" Her screeching penetrated my eardrums almost painfully. "When will you arrive in Seattle?

"I'm not."

"_Edward Anthony! My patience is wearing thin here, so you better stop it with your childish antics!_"

"This is has nothing to do with my antics. You asked a question and I gave you my answer—I'm not coming to Seattle. Can we end this misery now?"

"What do you mean?" Was she doing _that_ on purpose?

"Exactly what I just said—I'm not coming home for Christmas!"

She scoffed, "_So you're staying all alone in Chicago then? What's the point in that? Besides, we are having guests over and they expect you to be there._"

"No, Esme, I'm not going to spend the holidays in Chicago. Honestly, I'm not even sure I'll return before January. Also-"

She hysterically cut me off. _"What do you mean you may not go back to Chicago before January? I thought you were already back there! Edward, where the hell are you?"_

"Where I should have been all along."

Another pause from her end, and then I heard her gasp. "_Portland?_" She must have started moving, pacing maybe, for I could make out the clicking of her heels in the background. "_With_ her _and your...that child?" _The demanding tone in her voice was replaced by one of hesitance.

"As long as you and Carlisle don't know any more women whose child I potentially have fathered and should know of, then yes."

"_That was uncalled for,_" she responded to my remark timidly.

"Uncalled for! _That_ was uncalled for?" I whisper-yelled exasperatedly. "Are you kidding me right now? Do I really need to give you a recap of all the things that were really uncalled for?"

"_That was your father's idea, not mine!_"

The nerve she had. "Possibly, but you didn't exactly do anything to stop him, or did you?

"_Well, it doesn't really matter anyway, Edward, because in the end you brought this all upon yourself._"

That one stung. "_You've better not been planning to spend the holidays there with them._"

"And what if I did?" I hissed back.

Honestly, I haven't really thought about what to do over Christmas except for not, under any circumstances, spending it in Seattle, but she needn't to know that. Emmett and Rose were likely to drive there; Bella planned to drive with Josie to Forks to spend Christmas with her family, so I was probably going to spend it alone.

"_Don't forget about your obligations, Edward. If you want to care for that...little girl then go ahead. I'm sure Jane won't be too happy about it at first, but she'd have to accommodate..._"

Jane.

_Fucking. Shit!_

With everything happening at once and still desperately trying not to completely lose my mind, I totally forgot all about her. I had yet to call and tell her that the whole farce our parents called engagement was off.

That was definitely another conversation I was not looking forward to having.

"Why would Jane care? She has nothing to do with any of this, nor is it her business." I hastily cut her off mid-rant.

"_Are you playing dumb with me again, Edward? Once you two are married-_"

"What the fuck are you talking about? There won't be a marriage. I thought I made myself clear that day in the hotel—the engagement and everything that came with the deal, is off! I'm out. But if your husband is so dead set on the merger with Aro to happen, maybe he can make Jane his little mistress and so, everybody can get what they wan-"

"_Don't! Don't say something like that ever again. Don't you dare!_" I'm sure it was meant to come of as an order, but it sounded like nothing more than a plea. A plea spoken with a shaky and broken voice.

"Mom..." I sighed, and simultaneously asked a question that needn't to be asked.

Another pause, the longest so far. "That was a long time ago. It was nothing...just a slip. He was young and..." Her voice was merely above a whisper.

"Don't. Just don't." I said harsher then I should have.

"_Fine._" Esme cleared her throat twice. "_Be that as it may, we still expect you to attend Christmas __dinner just like every year."_

"I'm not-"

"_I need to go now, I have an appointment at the salon in thirty minutes. Until Christmas then, Edward._" And she was gone.

I stood frozen in the empty hallway, staring at the display of my iPhone that I held tightly in my clenched fist. In an attempt to rid myself of the thoughts concerning my father, I brought the phone up and tapped it several times against my forehead. Hard. Who would have thought that good old, self-righteous, holier-than-thou Carlisle Cullen, who only finds flaws in others, cheated on his wife.

I guess what they say is right- _Like father, like son._

At the same time as I felt my throat constricting, I could also taste the foul taste of bile rise in my mouth. Not that I actually threw up, that last thought just made me feel as if.

_Fucking shit!_

To think that out of all the things I could have in common with Carlisle, besides parts of my DNA, _that_ had to be it was disturbing. And to think that the fucker actually got away with it, and that my mother stayed with him for God-knows how long after it happened...

Things just seemed to got worse and messier with every day that passed.

In another attempt to rid myself of all the thoughts that would, without a doubt, lead to a massive headache, I shook my head from side to side. It was fruitless, though.

I really shouldn't have answered that call.

But then again, at some point I had to start and try fixing this giant mess that was created. Since my mother ways obviously taking the evasive route, I did the next thing on my long list of wrongs to right, and typed a text to Jane, telling her that we needed to meet and sit down to talk as soon as I'd be back in Chicago, before turning the phone off.

Just as I was about to knock on Bella's apartment door to get back in, the door was pulled open, revealing my little angel accompanied by Charlotte.

"See, there he is," Charlotte said, and smiled down at Josie while pointing at me.

Josie bit down on her lip. "I thought you left," her voice was merely above a whisper.

"Now, why would I do that?" I asked, and held my hands out for her to take. But instead of grabbing them, she stepped closer to me with her arms spread and up in the air, silently asking me to pick her up. So I did. "Besides, where else would I go, when this is the place my little baby girl is celebrating her birthday? And," I brought my hand up to her face and stroked her chubby cheek with the back of my index finger,"I would never leave without saying goodbye to you first."

"Okay."

"What about another round of _Uno, _would you like that?"

She scrunched up her little nose. "Momma said as long as we can't play without the cheating, we can't play at all. And we pwomised not to do it anymoahw, but then she went back to Angela and Ben, and so we cheated again, and then she said 'that's it' and consificated them." To emphasize her dilemma, she jutted her bottom lip out in a pout.

"Oh! But I thought James was the only one who did that," I mused, trying my best to not laugh out, while Charlotte snickered beside me. But when Josie smiled impishly, shrugged and then buried her face shyly in my sweater-clad chest, I just couldn't help myself and joined in her laughter.

Still chuckling lightly, I motioned for Charlotte to lead the way back into the apartment with a nod of my head.

"You're doing good with her so far." The older woman stated with a small smile, before she stepped forward and into Bella's apartment without waiting for a response. Not that I really had one.

I mean, what do you say to that? And more importantly, was she honest, her words a compliment, or was that her way of telling me that they were all waiting for me fuck up?

_Well, shit!_

I_ really_ needed to start and sort out the giant clusterfuck that was my life—and along the way, I might as well try to get off the shit list of most people involved here... Proof them that I was here to stay and not planning to fuck anything up anytime soon. Or better yet, _not at all_!

At least not intentionally.

I just couldn't, there was too much at stake.

A small hand touching my cheek brought my attention back to where it belonged—the most important person in my life.

"I'm thiwsty."

"We better get you something to drink then," I said, and tapped her little nose with my index finger, before finally making my way through the door, and then a beeline for the kitchen.

Bella and Angela both stood in front of the sink, quietly chatting away while drying the last of the freshly cleaned plates and cutlery. Too engrossed in their chatting, they jumped a bit as I approached and asked, for one of those plastic cups Josie usually drank out of.

"Jeez, Edward, was that necessary? Give me a heart attack, why don't you." Bella asked with a hand placed over her heart, before nodding to one of the cupboards to her right.

I placed the little one back on her feet, went to get one of her cups and also fetched a clean glass for me. Smirking, I filled both with some water from the fridge, and then handed Josie her cup. "I don't know what you're talking about, I didn't do anything! It's not my fault that you're so utterly unobservant..." I mock-pouted at her, before turning to back to my little girl, "right, Josie?" With her beautiful, green eyes opened wide and trained on her mother, she nodded her head yes in earnest.

I tried my best to keep my innocent act up and not burst out chuckling, but one look at the dumbfounded expression on Bella's face, and I was done. My attempt to cover my chuckling as coughing failed miserably, and when Bella narrowed her eyes at me and Josie before placing her hands at her hips, I finally burst out laughing. Josie, and to my surprise even Angela, both laughed along with me, which led to Bella jutting her bottom lip out in a fake pout. I knew it was fake because I saw her lips twitch shortly, besides there really wasn't a reason for her to do so—we were just putting on a little show for Josie.

"Oh my, aren't you two a bunch of comedians!" She looked down at our girl, effectively intensifying her pout and even going the whole nine yards and putting a hurt expression on her face. "So, you're on Team Edward now?" Her voice sounded so sad, I probably would have believed her, if I didn't knew better.

Apparently, the baby girl didn't buy it either, for she nodded her head once again. "Uh-huh."

Needless to say, I was eating that shit up. I may even did an internal fist-pump...

With a click of her tongue, Bella sobered up again. "I see how it is, then." she wiped an imaginary tear from her cheek. "Well, I guess it's only fair if your dear Edward helps you carrying all your presents to your room then," she continued with a pointed look—arched eyebrow included—at me.

"Aye aye, captain!" I mock saluted, and then hastily grabbed Josie's cup and made my way over to place it and my own still half full glass on the table, before Bella could actually hit me with the dishcloth she still held in her hand.

Too bad I forgot about the stack of boardgames resting on the counter next to the sink.

So, after my butt, back and sides were assaulted by two cloths—Angela apparently couldn't miss out on the opportunity given—and I was kicked out of the kitchen, I helped the little one gather her loot, and carried it to her room. I had to walk twice to really get everything. Stupid stuffed monstrosities. Once that was done, I put the games and other toys up on the shelves my baby girl couldn't reach while she stowed the coloring books and other stuff away on the lower ones. I also replaced the old CD player that broke down after it had landed on the floor one time too many, with the new one and plugged it into the outlet.

"What are we going to do with these two?" I asked, pointing at the two inanimate fluff mountains once everything else was gone.

She though about that for a moment,"Oooh, I can have them in bed with me," She squealed eventually. I looked over at it; it was actually quiet big for such a small person, but I doubted that the two giant monstrosities along with the other two hundred or so stuffed animals she already shared her bed with, would leave a lot of room for her.

"Baby girl, I really don't think there's going to be enough space for all of you in there," I told her.

"Is, too!" No sooner had she spoken those words, was she already dragging the kitty with her over to her bed. I watched her hoisting it up and then climb in bed herself, before crawling back to the foot of said bed and pull the teddy up as well. Demonstratively, she pulled the blanket away, placed one of the monsters on either side of her, before laying down and putting the cover over them. "See, all good." Her toothy grin was met with one of my own; seeing her little frame snuggled into her pillow and blanket, surrounded by a whole army made of plush, surely was a sight to behold. I quickly pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket, turned it back on, and snapped a few pictures of her looking like a porcelain doll drowning in a sea of fuzzy companions.

"Look at you, all cozy in there! I'm getting jealous here. Your bed looks so much more comfortable and nice then mine. I think," I said while sitting down on the bed, my body angled sideways, so that I could lean in closer, "since you already have so many friends here to cuddle with, whereas I have none at home in my bed, I'm taking the kitty back home with me!" I said, while slowly sneaking my hand over to where my present lay, planning to snatch it away for a few minutes.

Instantly, her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "No!" She she gasped in disbelief.

"Yes!" My hand made contact with a fuzzy paw, but before I could pull it to me, the little one threw herself at the plush ball, protecting it from me with her body.

"Aw, come on now, Josie! That's not fair..." I whined, while trying to keep my act up and not start laughing. I knew that teasing her like that was a bit mean, but it was just too good a chance to pass out on.

"Nooo! She's mine now, you can't have he-" the last of her sentence was cut off due to my fingers tickling her side.

"You sure that I can't have the kitty?" She managed to squeal out a "yes" in between all her laughing and wiggling around in an attempt to escape. "Fine. I'll take the teddy, then!"

Before I even had the chance to reach out to the other side of her where the teddy lay, she had already flung herself at it. "Nooo!"

Naturally, I tickled her other side as well. Relishing in the joy and carefreeness of the moment, I forgot about all the crap that invaded my mind earlier, and the mess that was my life, and just heartily laughed with her. It felt so good and just...right.

Eventually, I stopped my torture, so that she could catch her breath and calm down. Her eyes glistened with the tears of joy that had yet to spill over, and her cheeks were tinted pink from all the laughing and trying to escape me.

"You sure you don't wanna give up on one of them?"

"Yes!"

"Fine, you keep those two and I'll go home without anything to cuddle with..." I sighed for a dramatic effect. Biting down on her bottom lip, she rolled back on her back and, without another word, she held her arms up and open for me. I leaned in closer, planning to kiss her cheek and then engulf her in my arms. However, just as my lips were about to touch her skin, something attacked my left side, tickling me. So, instead of kissing her cheek, I ended up blowing half a raspberry on her cheek as I gasped and then burst out laughing.

"You little rascal!" In one swift motion I pulled her into my arms and let myself fall back on the mattress with my little one lying on my chest, both of us snickering.

"Now, you two seem to be quite the giggle monsters," Charlotte's soft voice rang through the room. I had to twist my head quite a bit to the side and back to find her standing in the doorway, arms folded over her chest, and with an amused expression on her face. "Sorry to interrupt you guys, but Peter and I need to leave soon. Will you come and say goodbye in a few?"

"Okay," Josie replied, and Charlotte turned and headed back to the join the others in the living area.

Just as I attempted to sit up, Josie crawled up my chest and grabbed for something next to my head.

"Foh you," she said quietly, and all but shoved something soft against my jaw.

I reached up and took it from her hand, and when I brought within my line of sight, I found it to be a little stuffed lamb.

It was all white with fuzzy fur, in size only a little bigger than my hand. One of it's big blue eyes was missing, and one of it's little ears must have been sewed back on at some point, since the stitching there was kind of messy, and, contrary to white thread that had been originally used to keep fabric together, there a blue colored thread had been used. I couldn't quite place why, but that little toy seemed somehow familiar, as if I had seen it before. Though that thought was a bit confusing, it also brought a smile to my face.

"Thank you so much baby girl, that's very, very sweet of you, but I don't think I can accept your present. It's yours, and I think it would miss you terribly if I take it with me." I explained, as she reached out to pet the toy's plush head.

"Nuh-uh," she shook her head vehemently from side to side, "you need to take it. It's yous, and when you take it with you, you can cuddle with it whenevah you want." Her brows furrowed, "and it's much bettahw than the table mommy likes."

Unsure of what to make out of her last statement, I simply pretended understanding by nodding my head in agreement. Amazed by her kindness and thoughtfulness, I placed a kiss against her forehead. "Now tell me, my heart, is this a he or a she?" I nudged the soft toy against her cheek, causing her to giggle.

"Mommy said it's a she."

"Yeah, what's her name, then?"

Before my baby girl had a chance to answer, Bella's voice hollered out from the hallway, reminding the both of us that Josie was ought to say goodbye to Charlotte and Peter.

With my little one still in my arms, I brought us back into a standing position. As I walked back to where the rest of the party was gathered, I tried to grasp and understand how this amazing little person managed to make everything better. How it felt so damn right and perfect to hold her in my arms like that, and how she brought a real purpose back to my life. How the sight of her smile and the sound of her laugh are causing _me_ to feel good. How she filled the gap in my chest almost completely just by being alive.

How utterly destroyed I would be if I ever lost her again now that I'd found her.

Yeah, there was way too much at stake.

_**Bella**_

"All done," Rosalie chimed from beside me, as she proudly presented the bowl of freshly peeled and rinsed potatoes. There were still few spots left here and there, but I wasn't going to tell her. Instead, I would remove them while cutting the potatoes into small wedges.

"What's next?" she asked with her cutting knife still in hand.

Teen-girl-like giggling diverted my attention from Rosie to the three hens standing nearby, huddled together and watching the video Charlotte just recorded of Edward and Bunny goofing around. Again.

Shortly after Edward had returned from his self-imposed time-out on the hallway floor, and I send him to work and help Josie put all her presents to her room, we heard both of them laughing loudly. Charlotte, who was still hesitant around Edward and doubtful of his intentions—almost as much as Peter or Ben-, couldn't help but be her true nosy self, and went spying on them. Another thing about my aunt was that she always found something worthy taking a picture, or even making a video of—therefore, she always came prepared, carrying her phone or even her camera with her at all times. When she returned, phone in hand and goofy smile on her lips, I knew we were in for something good.

And we were.

Naturally, since they were damn near inseparable whenever he was around, I had seen Edward and my baby interact before. Honestly, seeing as he was thrown in at the deep end, I would have understood if he was a little more reserved at first. But he wasn't. Edward used every opportunity to hug her, cuddle and kiss her, or generally just have her close. He listened to everything she 'd tell him with great interest and a smile on his lips. And then the way he looked at her...the pride and pure adoration were visible in his eyes whenever he did.

But watching the two of them interact as they did on Charlotte's video, that was something else. Seeing them laughing so heartily, being so joyful and carefree with each other, it just seemed so natural...as if they had never been separated.

All in all, it was beautiful to watch them together.

And a bit painful, for me, anyway. I had to fight hard to keep my eyes from welling up when I watched said video for the first time.

"Hello...earth to Bella?"

"Right, sorry," shaking my heads clean of my thoughts, I remembered the task at hand—namely dinner—and explained Rosie that the zucchinis and bell peppers needed to be chopped as well. I cast a glance over my shoulder and mock glared at Vicky who happened to meet gaze and rolled her eyes in return. Originally, both she and Angela volunteered helping me preparing dinner for our group, but since they were too engrossed in the video, Rosie decided to lend me a hand.

With an overly dramatic sigh and her shoulders slumped, Vicky strolled over to us,took the cutting knife from my hand and nudged me away with her hip.

"About damn time," I muttered loud enough for her to hear. I took the ground meat out of the fridge before quickly washing my hands and drying them with a towel.

"You know," Victoria started as she cut a potato into wedges, "all the shit he did to you and douchebaggery aside, that Edward guy is a damn hot piece of ass."

_Oh, for the love of all things holy!_

I snorted.

"What? He is. You are in denial if you don't see it!"

"Vic, seriously? I'm not even going to comment on that one." The little shit actually pouted. "Besides, I'm surprised you even noticed Edward, you know, since you salivated over Emmett ever since he stepped into the apartment..."

"What? I did not-"

"Oh, you totally did! Wait a second, I think there's still some drool there on the corner of your mouth," I moved my hand to her face to wipe the imaginary drool away with the towel I still held in hand, "Here, just let me—Ow!" I quickly retreated my hand after she had slapped harder than would have been necessary.

"Did not!" Victoria screeched defensively.

"Did, too!" Angela agreed.

"I did not!"

"Um, yeah, you did," Rosalie chimed in, causing Vicky to gasp and me and Angela to laugh out loud.

"You guys suck!" Vicky hissed at Ang and me before she went back to preparing the potatoes, mumbling something about "lying traitors" under her breath.

Her sense of denial amazed me.

"Hey James," Angela shouted over to where all the guys were standing in some kind of huddle at the opposite end of the apartment, effectively gaining his attention, "did your girl mentally undress Emmett while we were having coffee, yes or no?"

With the attention of _all_ the males present now focused on us, a crease in any kind of conversation occurred that left the apartment deadly silent there for a second. We all just stood still, silent, and blinked. It felt like one of those moments in cartoons when that ball of hay would waft from one side of the room to the other.

The force with which I tried to stifle the laughter that threatened to burst through my lips had my body jerking; with my left hand clamped tightly over my mouth, it must have appeared as if I was about to throw up.

Everybody was apparently waiting for James reaction and the jerk totally ate the attention he got up. After he took a lazy sip of beer out of the bottle he held, he crossed his arms over his chest in such a manner, that his free hand pointed upwards and cradled his own jaw. As if deep in thought, his face scrunched up slightly—furrowed brows and all—and with his pointer finger he tapped 'absentmindedly' against his skin.

"Yeah, babe, you totally did. The way you bit down on your bottom lip and twirled your hair between your fingers while ogling him...it was a bit embarrassing, to be honest." He even went as far as shaking his head from side to side in disapproval, while audibly sucking breath in through his teeth.

And all was lost after that.

I have no idea who gave in first, but from one second to the other, we were all laughing heartily—well, all except Victoria and Emmett.

Though my vision was slightly blurry, I could still make out his dumbfounded, yet amused expression, and her scowl. Poor boy was probably the only one in the room who didn't notice Vic's little infatuation with him.

"Screw you guys! I'm outta here," she screeched, grabbed her coat from the rack and stormed out of the apartment. Without loosing a beat the room erupted into another round of laughter.

"She is such a diva," Ben chuckled as he wrapped his arm around a still laughing Angela.

"She is not really mad now, is she?" Rosalie asked as the other guys joined our group.

"Nah, Vicky just likes being dramatic." As I recalled her horror-struck face, another round of laughter bubbled from my lips.

James, who looked utterly satisfied with himself and his little stunt, nodded in agreement. "Give it ten minutes and she comes back, pretending as if she had no idea what we are all talking about. She probably just went outside for a smoke."

"You kids really are too much sometimes," Charlotte said as she dabbed at her eyes, still chuckling herself. With her thick wool scarf wrapped around her neck and her coat in hand, I remembered that she and Peter had to leave, so I called out for Josie to come and see them off.

With my aunt and her husband gone, Angela, Rose and me went back to preparing dinner. Josie had managed to talk the guys into watching _Finding Nemo_ with her until food was served. It was one of my daughter's favorite movies and we all had seen it several times before with her, resulting in us grown-ups being able to quote along with the animated characters on screen. Their laughter rang out through the entire apartment, and more times that I liked to admit I found myself sneaking a peek over my shoulder to watch them.

"_I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change my image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food!_" As if on cue, we all adapted the line of Bruce, the big ol' shark who—contrary to his nature—tries to live on a strictly vegetarian kind of diet, just like the scene on TV required. Josie laughed and clapped her hands in amusement over our antics.

As I turned back around to finish forming the last of the mini meatballs we'd need for dinner, I met Rosalie's gaze. "Now, that was interesting," she smiled and then helped me put the potato wedges and vegetables, which had been put to the side beforehand to marinate in the sauce for few minutes, and divide the mix into pans.

"What can I say, there are some things in life you just can't fight - knowing your kid's favorite movie by heart is definitely one of them." I placed the meatballs on top of the vegetables and, eventually, the filled pans into the oven.

"Yo B, what's for dinner, anyway?" James hollered from where he sat on the floor in front of the couch.

"Robber's Dish, as per Josie's request!" I answered while turning back around just in time to see him high-fiving Ben.

"Awesome!" He exclaimed cheerfully.

"You'd think he is the five-year-old here," Angela stated as she put the dirty cutting knives in the sink, taking the words out straight of my mouth. We all chuckled at that and then decided we did enough for the time being.

Ben and James dutifully obeyed Angela's order to set the table while she, Rose and me joined the guys. The girls sat down on the couch, whereas I was forced to place my behind on the floor. No sooner had I sat down in front of Edward and Josie was my neck assaulted by little arms wrapping themselves around it. I angled my body sideways and pulled my little from Edward's legs onto my own.

"Are you having fun, Bunny?"

"Uh-huh."

"So a birthday party with only grown-ups here is good, huh?" I reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of my pointer finger. Josie nodded and smiled widely.

"Good enough to give mommy a kiss and a really good hug?"

"Yes!" She squealed and then leaned forward, kissed my cheek and then squeezed me as tightly as she could. I reciprocated her movements while slightly rocking the both of us from side to side.

"Aw, c'mon. Look at this Ben, Josie gets to cuddle around while we have to do all the work here!"

I snorted at James' remark.

"Yep, that's what we get for buying super cool toys and ice cream. Totally unfair." Ben played along, and I could feel Josie's giggles vibrating against my chest. "What are we even supposed with these things?" I turned my head in their direction just as Ben dropped a stack of red paper napkins frustratedly on the table.

"You ahw not doing it wight!" Josie chastised, as she turned her head to look at them as well.

"What? Did you hear that, Ben? Now the squirt is making demands! Just turned five and voilà, the little one things she can boss us around just like her mama!"

"Hey!" I scowled at them playfully, as their both stood their in front of the dining table, with their hands on their hips and their heads shaking in disapproval.

"I know, right. I'm so not going to make any more of my super special pancakes for her. From now on only Ang and me will get them. Well, and maybe Bella, but only if she stops bossing me around."

"Cool. Hey, since Josie won't get her share of pancakes, do you think I could have them?"

"Sure, James, you can even get them with-"

"Noo! You can't have them, they ahw mine," Josie screeched and hastily left my arms to stand up.

"So demanding..."James sighed and shook his head some more.

They continued to bicker back and forth; the guys claiming that Josie lost her right to have the pancakes, and Josie countering. As usual, it was very entertaining.

By the time they agreed on Josie helping them setting the table in exchange for Ben continuing on making her breakfast, the food was almost done. James carried her under his arm like a football while Josie placed the napkins orderly on the plates. They were halfway through when the apartment door opened and Victoria stepped back in.

She smiled, put her coat back on the rack and then strutted over to the bathroom to wash her hands. As predicted, she went with denial and pretended the whole kitchen incident earlier never happened. There were several chuckles and some snickering coming from both sides of the apartment, but when she, upon reentering the living room, pointed at the TV and gushed out an "oh, Nemo!", she had us all cracking up.

Edward, who had been absent earlier, had no idea what was going on, but after Rose and Emmett explained the whole deal to him, he laughed as well.

Dinner was...nice.

The food was good, the conversation nice. There was more playful bickering and more laughs, the atmosphere was pleasant.

It was_ nice_.

When I first decided to invite the three Cullens to the birthday party, I was aware that it could end up in nothing but one big disaster. I was no idiot, though Ben and Peter claimed contrary when I first told them of my decision.

The discussion that followed my declaration was heated and long-winded. It took me ages to get it through their thick skulls that Josie was the main, and only reason, Rosalie, Emmett and Edward would be present.

So yeah, I stretched the truth a bit there. I really enjoyed Rosie's company. I saw us becoming good friends—real friends—once I'd find my way back out of the shitstorm that was hanging in thick clouds over my head. It still felt that ever since the fucking Cullen-Clan came knocking on my door, I haven't had the time to take a deep breath and sort my thoughts. My confrontation with Edward, all our half-assed and unfinished attempts to sit down and talk things through, getting used and adjusting to the thought of having him around, actually _having_ him around, and last but definitely not least, the dread of telling my father and the rest of my family of the new turn in events. It just kept on adding up, and it was suffocating me.

I really needed that breather.

And rules. Rules to define the perimeters of this 'agreement'.

But what I needed the most was to clear my head and come up with a plan that would ensure Josie and Edward the possibility to be close, but at the same time keep him and _them_ at a safe distance from myself.

Just as much as I had been a naïve and dumb little girl when we were dating, Edward had been a fucking pushover when it came to his parents. Obviously, I only fully realized that after the damage had been done. Just because Edward assured me that his parents and Alice were completely out of the picture didn't mean I believed him. Talk was cheap and truthfully, I just didn't trust him with anything that didn't concern Josie.

The last thing I wanted was to drag our case to court, but I would if I had to. When I told Edward that he had exactly one shot, one chance to proof himself, I meant business. I may not knew all the Cullen's dark secrets, but still enough to soil their clean slates and damage their precious reputation publicly, and in front of a court.

I told Ben and Peter as much but they were still doubtful of Edward's intentions. But no matter how heated and frustrating the talk with my family and friends in Portland had been, I knew it was only a foretaste of what was still to come.

Picturing my father's face flushed in anger, his jaw clenching and the vein his neck visibly pulsating after I dropped the bomb of 'Edward's return' on him was not a hard task.

I was scared. Even more so than the day I had told him about the pregnancy. His anger I could handle, just not the disappointment. And I knew, _knew_, that he would be disappointed with me. The fact that I kept Edward being back in the picture for weeks will hit him hard.

But since the damage had already been done, all I could do was hope that after the big fall-out, after I'd plead my case, and after I'd appalled to his soft spot—namely his granddaughter—, that he would understand.

I just had to make sure that Charlie and Edward wouldn't cross paths for a while.

A year or two to cool down should suffice, right?

I mean, yeah, there had been a few tense moments throughout the party, but it wasn't as bad as I had expected, although Ben and Peter weren't exactly fans of Edward and his family, either. Admittedly, Josie was present the whole time and I had asked them beforehand to play nice for her sake, so shit could still hit the fan once the three of them were left alone.

I really needed to restock on the tequila...

"A delivery for Ms. Swan," James announced as he stepped in front of me, with Josie dangling on his left shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Really? I can't remember ordering anything," I faked surprise and played along. "Where do I have to sign?"

"Well, my papers clearly say that this here belongs to you. I should warn you though, there's an awful lot of squealing and giggling coming from this...thing."

"I'm not a thing, I'm a Josie!" My little girl protested halfheartedly through giggles, obviously enjoying the game.

"See what I'm talking about? Anyway, if it get's too much just return it to sender. Now, I need to sign here," James pointed at Josie's left cheek," and then once more right here," he tapped her right cheek.

"Oh, okay," I said as I leaned in to blew a raspberry on both her cheeks, before pulling her laughing form from James' shoulder.

He tapped his imaginary hat and then leaned in to kiss both of us on the cheek. "I need to get going now, there's another delivery to be made before closing time." With that, he winked, sprinted over to where Victoria was standing with Angela and Rose next to the window, and hoisted her over his shoulder. While Vic tried to squirm her way out of his hold, he waved goodbye to everyone and then walked back in my direction.

I rolled my eyes and playfully pinched his side as he walked passed me and out of the apartment. They had just stepped into the hallway, when Josie demanded Vicky needed to be signed off as well, so I made the few steps over to where they were standing. With my back facing the stairway that lead to the entrance door, I stood with Josie in my arms. Just as we were both about to lean in and blow a raspberry on each of Victoria's cheeks I heard James mumble two words under his breath that effectively ended all playfulness.

"_Oh, fuck_."

I neither needed the gasp and sharp intake of breath, nor Josie squirming out of my arms hastily while squealing loudly, after she had taken a look over my shoulder to figure out who was standing behind me.

I just knew.

I didn't need to turn around to see the whole scene play out in front of me.

But I did.

While my overjoyed little angel flung herself into the waiting arms of me father, my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach. I would have landed to the floor as my knees buckled, if James hadn't wrapped his arm around my waist to hold me up.

As I looked up and saw Leah, Jacob, Sue and my father standing only a few steps away from my apartment door, my mind went completely blank.

I was utterly unprepared for what was to come, but there was no way around it anymore.

The only thing I knew for sure in that moment was, that that was the epitome of a worst-case-scenario. There went my plan of easing my family into the new situation, of giving them time to adjust to the idea of _him_ being around. Instead they'd get the cold shower

The slap in the face.

The punch in the gut.

The only scenario remotely worse I could came up with in my overwhelmed state of mind was-

"Bella?" The velvety voice from hell came softly from somewhere nearby.

And there it was...

My eyes closed on their own accord. I inhaled as deeply as I might and tried to breathe my inability to think properly away; it was imperative for me to function properly.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

Charlie was livid.

As I forced my eyes open again, I knew that everything happened rather quickly and at once, but to me it appeared to be in slow-motion.

Eyes went wide and jaws dropped.

Fists were balled to fists.

My father lunged forward.

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><p><strong><em>Thank you guys so much for reading and for all the reviews you've left for the other chapters. I know I haven't responded to them yet, but I will and soon! I appreciate them all =) <em>**

_**And now, let me have it! =) I hope we can hit (and pass) the 50-review mark with that one! ^^**_

_**Happy Holidays and lots of love,**_

_**~Sue**_

**_*~*Merry Christmas*~*Frohe Weihnachten*~*Feliz Navidad*~*Joyeux Noel*~*Buon Natale*~*_**


	21. AN No, I'm not giving up on this story

**A/N**

**I'm sorry if you got your hopes up to finally get a new chapter, when in reality it's just this stupid A/N!**

**Also, I' am sorry that it's been this long since I've updated. I feel like such an ass for this! I've tried so many times to sit down and force myself to write something, anything, but it was all just garbage. My mind just wasn't really in it! I'm really, really sorry for that!**

**However, know that I haven't given up on this story, nor do I plan to! **

**Yes, I should have marked the story as "on hiatus", but, honestly, I just never expected it for me to not being able to get out of my writer's block, so I get kept on postponing doing so!**

**Things are looking up, though and chapter 21 (it's halfway done) should be updated soon!**

**In the meantime, I'm going to fix/work on the chapters that have already been posted. When I went back to reading the whole thing over the other day in hopes to find my way back into the story, I realized how many (grammar) mistakes are still present and it really irks me. So, if you have RITD on alert and your email inbox gets bombed with notifications these next few days—I'm sorry for that, too!**

**I hope some of you are still sticking with me and my inability to update regularly!**

**Thanks to everyone who put me and my story on alert/ to favorites! This means a lot to me!**

**Thank you for you patience and understanding!**

**Until then,**

**-TiramiSue xx**


	22. Bystanders, Brawls and Blankets

_**Yes, this is an actual update!**_

_**I said this already in the A/N update, but I'd like to say it again - I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long! If you're still with me, I'm grateful for your understanding and patience.**_

_**Also, I would like to thank everyone who put RITD and/or me to their alert and favorites list! **_

_**Special thanks go out to the lovely Grabadietcoke, for recc'ing my story more than once!**_

_**This chapter-as most before- is unbeta'ed. The mistakes, along with the plot and OC's are mine. Everything related to Twilight belongs to S. Meyer.**_

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><p><em><strong>Bella<strong>_

"_WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?"_

Those were the last words I heard, and then...nothing. In the blink of an eye, as if some kind of shield or soundproof blanket had been thrown over my head, everything went mute. Parts of my body—of me—just shut down and I was left engulfed by complete silence.

No, that wasn't quite right; I still did hear something, only it was just as unwelcome as it was unpleasant, and basically the last thing I wanted to hear.

_Thud._

I was stood rooted where I was a mere moment ago when everything was still alright, unable to move any part of my body, let alone take a step forward. I tried with all my might to fight against the curse that left me petrified, but to no avail. Pushing and pulling against the confines of my invisible prison was just as useless as trying to drop to my knees in hopes of being able to crawl.

_Thud._

_Thud._

The moisture was rising higher and higher in my eyes as that god-awful sound kept on penetrating my eardrums; sweat transpired my pores as I was forced to watch the scene in front of me unfold uninvolved like a mere bystander. But that was exactly what I was reduced to—an involuntary onlooker in a mass collision, unable to look away as my father continued to slam Edward's body into the wall behind him.

_Thud._

_Thud._

_Thud._

I never thought that there would come a day that I'd fear my own father, bad temper or not. But in that moment, with the thick vein in his reddened neck prominent and his face contorted into a menacing grimace by his anger, when I saw him with his face so close to Edward's, that, when he—without a doubt—yelled all the threats and cuss words he knew, that the little droplets of spit that escaped his mouth hit the face of the latter, I did.

_Thud._

_Thud._

I always knew that Charlie and Edward meeting again would be far from being all rainbows and butterflies. However, imagining things and actually seeing them happen, are two different things entirely. So, when my father finally stopped shoving Edward's back into the wall, and focused on pressing solely his head against it by gripping his neck, I gasped.

Or I would have gasped if my vocal chords hadn't disobeyed.

I wanted to scream out in frustration over my own incompetence, pinch myself to break the spell I was under, and kick my own ass for not telling my father about the latest turn of events beforehand. Truth was, I could have prevented this. Had I grown myself a pair of balls and called him, eased him into all the drama I had with the Cullens instead of presenting him with a fait accompli, he would have been angry still, but not as an enraged as to attack Josie's father in the open hallway. That's at least what I told myself.

But no, I just had to tell him face to face; postponed the inevitable time and time again while trying to find the one explanation least likely to make him go apeshit.

Yeah, what a great job I did with that.

Due to my failure, I was left standing helplessly in the hallway forced to watch reality unfold in a slow-motion too fast for me to grasp. My sight was all blurry; I willed the liquid that clouded my eyes away by blinking furiously until the tears spilled over, but they were immediately replaced by a new wave of moisture.

There was a time in the past where I wanted this to happen; a few minutes in which the agonizing pain that ate me away inside-out morphed into a hate so strong, it longed for Edward to hurt as much as I did. No, if I was being honest, I wanted him to hurt even more- though, at that time, a pain graver than the one I felt was impossible for me to imagine.

I wanted to see him burn; squirming under the impact of the invisible flames that licked at his flesh and scarred him for life. Every fiber of his being should have felt the pain he brought upon me, and if part of that pain had been inflicted by my father, well...

Again, imagining things in your head and seeing them actually happen in reality are two very different things. When I saw my father's balled fist connect with the side of Edward's jaw, causing his head to whip to the side under it's force, the lump that had formed in my throat threatened to asphyxiate me. Though the tears were raining down my face in rapid intervals and my insides clenched painfully, I felt a sense of relief run through me as well, seeing as the phase in which I yearned for revenge was short-lived and long over. Aside from that, witnessing Edward getting beaten didn't change a damn thing, for the agony I felt over Edward's unfaithfulness was still there. Naturally, the pain wasn't as strong as it had been years ago, but it didn't magically disappear either just by watching Charlie kicking some ass. The memory of us—of what Edward and me had—wasn't erased in the blink of an eye. It was still there, engraved to last forever in my mind, heart and soul.

Whether I liked it or not, nothing had changed.

At least not for me.

Up until the moment he had taken that blow to the jaw, Edward was rather passive to my father's actions; he never once shoved back or tried to stop Charlie's assault other than with his words. Something changed after he had taken that punch, though: the expression on his face wasn't the same anymore. What was acceptance before was replaced with determination, anger and...horror. The scowl he wore afterward was just as fierce and furious as the chief's, his stance just as offensive and challenging.

They were like two stags waiting to clash their antlers; two lions baring their fangs while assessing their rival in a fight over dominance.

They stood so close, their chests were almost touching; each one rapidly and visibly rising and falling with every heavy breath they took. Years ago, I'd have laughed my ass off at the idea of Edward defying my father. He used to be so fucking scared of him, fidgeting and rambling every single time Charlie was in the room. I made fun of him for hours, especially when he defended himself by pointing out that the chief "wore a gun with an official permission to shoot if he saw fit", or called him _Magnum_ look-alike behind his back. He also claimed that the only reason he acted like a chastised little boy in front of the good old chief was that the mustache possessed some kind of evil mind-trick powers that were messing with his head. I found that all utterly hilarious.

No, teenage Edward would have never had the guts to stand his ground against Chief Swan. The _man_ Edward Cullen, on the other hand, who gained a few pounds in muscles that made him slightly broader than my father, along with the growth spurt he must have had somewhere long the way that made him tower over the older man by about two inches, and had, in all likelihood not much more to lose, did.

And there was nothing funny about it.

Though my whole body was in overdrive and stand-by at the same time, and though my head told me to hold the fuck on and find a way to fight against this spell I was under, while my body felt completely drained of any kind of energy, I tried to channel all my focus on the two men yelling furiously at each other. Though my eyes were still clouded by tears, I saw the snarls on their faces, their bared teeth, the murderous fire in their eyes. My plan was to concentrate solely on their mouths, hoping catch a few things they were screaming at each other by reading their lips. And it was just in that instant that Charlie said something that caused Edward to go really postal, for he closed the little distance that was left between them and then throw in a punch himself, when, out of nowhere, Emmett appeared behind him and held him back. Now, the latter was even taller and built like a fucking tank—clearly more muscles than brain, if you'd ask me—so, seeing him having difficulty restraining his little brother, told me it was even worse than I assumed.

Had my body been functioning properly, my knees would have surely given out by then, for they felt like jell-o. I wasn't granted that favor though; I stood upright, stock-still, feeling dizzy and slightly nauseated, with my heart beating away erratically. In a last, desperate attempt to break the spell I was forced under, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and prayed that all that pent-up anger, pain and frustration would magically transform into something, _anything_, that would help me doing so.

I waited. Counted ten Mississippis in my head, then took a deep breath. Stalling some more, I pushed as much saliva down my sandpaper throat as I could gather in a fast succession, before counting once more.

I knew my time was up when I felt someone's hand touching the side of my face carefully, hesitantly. I sucked as much air, or, rather what I hoped to be strength, in and then slowly lifted my heavy eyelids again.

Whether it was Rosalie or Victoria my eyes fell upon first, I wasn't sure, only that I was met with two sets of beautiful blue orbs opened wide and filled with fright. It didn't really matter anyway since my gaze lingered on their worried faces for only the fraction of a second before it moved along to where it was set before.

Little had changed; though no longer restricted by Jake or Emmett, Dad and Edward were still standing close enough to each other for a punch to hit its target. It would be so easy for one of them to pull their arm back only to have it dart out again and connect forcefully with a jaw, the side of a head or the gut.

They both wanted to, I could tell. The fire was raging underneath their not-so-calm surfaces, visibly for everyone to see. It was only a matter of time before either of them would snap again. Jacob and Emmett must have felt the same way, for they were just as tense as their respective griper; standing close, their gazes flicking from one to the other and back again.

Several things happened at once, then: ignited by something my father spat his way once again and too fast for Emmett to catch him, Edward lunged forward. There was no doubt at all in my mind that he would have landed the punch to my father's nose, hadn't it been for James who appeared out of nowhere from my peripheral vision and jumped between them. Unfortunately for the latter, his action caused him to not only take Edward's fist to the jaw, but also one to the back from my father, who originally intended to attack my ex-boyfriend.

And then there was the little pale and frightened face, framed by soft, dark curls that I knew so well and loved even more. If there ever was a moment that it felt as if I had been cut off from all air supply, it was the moment Josie ran towards her grandfather, with tears raining from her eyes.

Just like I had been to had been focusing on my own predicament before to even think about my baby being present in this fucked-up situation, the men seemed too busy with their hatred for each other to notice her walking into harms way, either.

_This couldn't be happening!_

"Dad." I managed to croak out, hardly audible for anyone but myself.

How could they not see her approaching? "Dad!" I tried again, with a little more force and sound then before. But they still didn't hear me. _Oh God!_

This was so much worse that the helplessness I felt when it was just about Dad and Edward. It came crashing to me how terrible a mother I had been. How it could slip my mind that my daughter had to see all this violence and had to hear the hateful words they threw at each other, was beyond me. Her well-being should have been my main concern, my main priority, when it wasn't.

It only made me hate my incompetence in this scenario even more. No more, though. I had to—no, _needed_ to do something. So, I ignored the relentless stinging in my eyes and nose, pushed pass the aching muscles in my throat, and screamed with all my might.

"CHARLIE!"

_**Edward**_

Mother. Fucker.

Up until a few minutes ago, I didn't think there was a person I'd hate almost as much as my father. And then I met Charles Swan again.

It's not that I didn't expect an encounter between us after everything that had happened and after all this time to be...heated. On the contrary, actually. I knew this was bound get ugly and understandably so, considering everything that I had done and all the pain I caused his only daughter. Honestly, I would have respected him less than I did up until said minutes before, had he not tried to get a few punches in.

However, what I didn't expect was him to be was a self-righteous and unreasonable prick.

Assuming the best solution was to let him vent all of his pent-up anger out after meeting me here, obviously unexpected, and it actually worked for a bit. That was until the son of a bitch took things too far.

I thought things couldn't get any worse when the punch that hit the side of my jaw and whipped my head to the side, made my gaze land on the horror-struck face of my little angel. When I realized that she had just witnessed her grandfather hit me, it broke my heart. No child should be subjected to any kind of violence, ever. Especially not my own.

All I wanted was to go to her and take her in my arms, console her until the last tear was dried. With that in mind, I tried to reason with Chief Swan, but the pig-headed fucker just wouldn't listen, instead he kept going on spewing every insult under the sun my way.

"_You worthless piece of shit! You stay away from my daughter and granddaughter!"_

"_I will end you for what you did to my baby girl! I'll wipe that arrogance right out of your motherfucking face with my bare hands before I bury your worthless body somewhere in the wood!"_

"_How dare you seeking her out after you almost destroyed her, you fucking bastard?"_

"_Take one last look at her, at them—this will be the last time you will see them! I'll get a restraining order...you will never see, or come close to them again! Not as long as I am alive..."_

He said some more after that, but what it was, I had no idea, for that last statement about me never going to see my little angel again, finally caused me to snap. There was no reason left in my mind; my vision was clouded red and the only thing that mattered was wrapping my fingers around Charles neck and squeeze them tight. I would have done so, too, if it hadn't been for Emmett holding me back. I swear, that fucker would be next on my list. Of all the moments he could step in and play big brother, the bastard always seemed to chose those I could have lived well without him interfering. This one being one of them, excelled only by the night he convinced me Bella cheated on me with that Jacob kid.

The same Jacob, who had grown into a motherfucking tank and who was currently standing opposite of me, trying his hardest to hold the Chief back.

Somehow, him and my brother, the fucking knight in shining armor, managed to calm us down for a few seconds. So much so, that they even let go of us once we made no attempt to dart forward, anymore. It was all on the surface, though; believe me when I say that in my mind, I was beating the living daylights out of Charles Swan's body, for threatening to take my daughter, my new-found lifeline away from me.

Nobody, absolutely _nobody_ would take her away from me – I wouldn't let them. No matter what the cost. If Swan really wanted to go to court with this, so be it. But if he thought I was going to give up on my daughter just like that, or that I was going down without a fight, he thought wrong.

Even if I had to kill someone to be able to keep her, I'd do so in a heartbeat. And the fucker glaring daggers at my head would be top on my list...

"What, Cullen, no smart ass comment coming from you? Are you contemplating running to your Daddy, already?" The Chief snarled at me, effectively pulling me from my thoughts.

"You don't know anything!" I hissed back through gritted teeth. Somehow, that guy managed to effortlessly push all my buttons.

"Oh, that's true. See, I still don't know why the fuck you are here. But what I do know is that you are a little, spoiled brat that walks around without any regard to what or who you ruin in the wake of your arrogance. I have only myself to blame for believing you were better than the rest of your family and letting you into my home in the first place, but I've never been one to make the same mistakes twice. I'll make sure that you won't come within a ten-mile radius of my-"

_Stop the fuck right there, old man._ "The fuck you will! Josie is my-"

"No, she is NOT! You have no claim on her whatsoever! You are nothing to either of them and never will be! They are way too good for a two-faced bastard scum like you, and I'd rather die than see you hurting someone from _my_ family ever again." _The nerve of him!_

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I'm well-aware of the things I've done to fuck up and ruin the best thing I had in my life? But since we are talking about two-faced bastards here, you're putting on a damn well show here pointing out my fuck-ups, when you are nothing but a piece of shit yourself! Did you forget about all the times I came by your house or down to the station and you lied into my face about how you didn't know where Bella had disappeared to? And let's not forget about the fact that you knew she was pregnant with my-"

"And I would do it all again, but more thoroughly to keep you away from them forever!"

_I swear, if that bastard cut me off one more time..._ "Motherfucker, I had a right to know! And what if the roles were reversed and you were in my place, hm? What if Renee had up and left and taken Bella with her when she ran from you, huh? Or better yet, what if she had disappeared from one moment to the other without telling you about her pregnancy, only for you to find out years later that you had a child? Are you telling me that you would leave your kid behind just like that, you asshole? All of you kept her from me for years and I'm just supposed to walk away from her again just because you said so? Fuck you! That's not going to happen!"

"Don't you dare compare us – we are nothing alike! You brought this all upon yourself, so don't expect any sympathy from me. You will never be a father to Josephine; I'd rather she believed her father died than have her knowing what a piece of worthless trash-"

I couldn't tell if there was more to his sentence or not, and I honestly didn't care. All I cared about in that moment, after hearing what he had spat in my direction, was how it would feel to smash my fist into his face. Repeatedly.

Before I realized I did so, I had already lunged forward, only it wasn't the Chief my right limb made contact with. I would like to say that I stopped acting like a madman the moment I realized I had hit James, who had appeared out of nowhere and jumped right in front of my target, instead, but I didn't. I simply didn't care for anything else, but making Charles Swan feel a fraction of the pain I had felt, not only after hearing his hurtful words just then, but also throughout the years. I wanted him to pay.

Swan must have thought the same thing; though driven by a different kind of fuel, he kept on trying getting a few hits in himself. James, despite of getting it from both sides, wouldn't budge one bit. No matter how hard either of us tried to shove him aside, all he did was try to keep us at a safe distance from each other. I was out for blood, though, and continued to try and strike or deck that fucker Swan as he continued to spew death threats my way. I'd probably succeeded sooner than later, had I not been yanked backwards at the same time as I vaguely registered a desperate, borderline hysterical voice screaming out.

As my back collided with something hard, I noticed two things at once: first, whatever it was that was yelled out, it made the Chiefs head whip to the side. I probably would have followed his gaze to see what made his eyes widen and caused his heated face to pale, if it hadn't for the second reason- that little head of dark curls that stepped into my line of vision.

My Josie. My baby girl.

At once, clarity settled back in and lifted that red fog that had clouded my sanity. My heart, heavy as a boulder, dropped into the pit of my stomach.

She didn't look at me, but I could tell that her face was even more tear-streaked than before. Seeing her like that, caused a heavy nausea to hit me, as I remembered that she must have seen the whole deal. One glance at her scared, wet, face with the blood-shot eyes and runny nose, made the hot-red rage from a few seconds ago dissipate and be replaced by guilt and shame.

Instead of taking the mess between Swan and me further, I should have stopped this shit the moment I had first seen her sad face earlier. But of course, being the fucking stubborn dickhead that I was, I didn't and only caused her further distress.

I never wanted her to see me like this. Hell, I never wanted to be like this.

All I wanted then was to step forward and do what I should have done all along—pull her into my arms and hold her tight. As soon as I moved my leg the slightest bit, I felt a set of massive arms encircle my torso from behind. I knew then that the hard surface I collided with, was the one my brother called his torso.

So, I was forced to stand back and watch as she stepped forward to her grandfather, and it broke me. I was so sure that she was taking sides there, and it's not that I could really blame her for doing so, since that was her grandpa. A man she had known all her life, whereas I was just some guy that had been spending some time with her for a few days. Then, to see both men attacking each other...of course she would pick the familiar, safe one over someone she hardly knew. My precious angel was smart, but that didn't make it hurt any less for me.

I waited for that moment Charlie would turn his attention back to me and steeled myself for the effect his all-knowing smirk—that smug smile of his—would have on me, once he realized that he won this battle.

Battle, not _war_.

The moment came right after I finished that thought. Whether his mind was too preoccupied with all the different ways he could end me, or he really didn't notice her, I will never know. Anyway, when he locked back at me—his dark eyes intense with malice—I held my breath and begged him silently to not prolong his triumph with my own. I knew that my unspoken plea fell on deaf ears when he took a step in my direction. From the way the fingers of his right hand curled into a fist made his intentions were more than clear. I steeled myself for that,too.

"Chief Swan-" I attempted pleading with words this time.

"Didn't think I would let you off that easy after all you have done to my baby girl, did you? We're gonna finish this now once and for all and when I'm done with your sorry ass, you better never show-"

"NO!" It was then, when Josie's little palm smacked down on his balled hand, that the Chief finally noticed his granddaughter.

There was not the slightest bit of satisfaction running through me as I saw his face ashen, or when he croaked out her name in horror. Nor was there a trace of triumph on my part as he reached a hand out to touch her, and Josie hurriedly threw her little body at my legs to wail into the fabric.

Positively stunned that she sought out my comfort, I didn't realize I had picked her up and cradled to my chest, until her little arms were wrapped tightly around me neck and I felt the moisture of her tears touching the exposed skin there. And I held her to me. With one hand stroking her soft hair with and rubbing her back with the other, I held my baby to me and swore to continue to do so for as long as she would allow me to. Her sobbing, shaking body clung to me, the fast succession in which her heart was beating almost matched her rapid breathing. The crying even intensified when first Angela, and then Ben tried to take her from me. I shook them both off.

Charlie Swan and whatever we had to settle between us could wait. The only thing that mattered, my only thought was to get her away from the ruckus and calm her down.

"You want to beat me up for real? Fine, go ahead! But only after I have taken care of _my _baby girl!" With those words directed at a still speechless Charlie, I quickly made my way back into the apartment and into Josie's room, thinking it would offer her the most comfort.

I stood, caressing her cheek and cooing into her ear. I paved, bouncing her slightly with every step as parents sometimes did with infants. I kissed her head, brushed her tears away, held her closer to me. Sitting the both of us down in the rocker, I moved us back and forth while crooning in her ear. But nothing, really nothing I did, helped pacifying Josie. She had me freaking out, I'm not gonna lie. By the way her wet bottom lip got sucked in along with every short breath she took in a fast succession, she had me fearing she was close to hyperventilating.

I pondered leaving the confines of her room and go looking for Bella, since she certainly would have known what to do to calm out baby down, but I feared right back into an argument would upset her just as much at that one time earlier, when I tried to untangle her arms from around me. So, she remained once again with her face buried in crook of my neck, one tiny hand fisted my sweater. The other one was covered by one of my much larger ones, touching the place where my heart sat underneath layers of cotton and skin.

"Shh, my heart, don't cry. It's all good. I won't let anything happen to you. Just stop crying, baby, please." I tried again. Without raising her head from my chest, she shook her head no. Again. Sighing inwardly, I kissed her hair and cuddled her little frame closer to me.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that I was fucking useless. In more than just one way. I was nothing but a failure, and Charles Swan was more than spot-on when he stated that Josie deserved so much better than a bastard like me. "Somebody tell me what to do to make all this better." I whispered to myself. Or so I thought.

"I've never seen her that upset, but there are a few things that usually help soothing her." My head whipped over to the door frame, where that Ben guy stood, a bag of frozen peas in his hand.

Whatever. Remaining silent, I watched as he made his way past Josie's bed—where he plucked off one of her many plush toys—and over to me.

"First of all, Jojo," he presented a cream-colored and floppy-eared stuffed bunny to me,"and Josie are a double-deal. Wherever Josiebug goes, Jojo follows. Always. He's her best friends and companion, and things are simply better when she has him in her arms." Saying that, he nudged the little one's upper arm with the toy once, and then handed it over to her. Immediately, she curled her plush friend to her chest, sandwiching it between both our bodies.

"Now, we need...", he trailed of, speaking more to himself than to me, as his eyes trailed along all over the room as if looking for something. As he walked over to the closet I noticed that Josie's crying had quieted down some. I made a mental note to never forget that my Bunny needed her bunny.

"If Jojo alone won't do the trick, this should do." Ben spoke again as he reappeared next to me. After he'd draped that purple Hello Kitty blanket I remembered seeing the very first day I met my daughter, over her shoulders, he held a colorful CD case up for me to see.

"She has some Disney and other fairy tale audio books, but music should work, too. It's just something to distract her from whatever she is upset about." He moved to turn towards the CD-player I placed there earlier, when he stopped himself. "Eh, just make sure the music is not too aggressive. James, the idiot, once played some heavy metal in an attempt to pacify her," he rolled his eyes," and Bella pretty much teared him a new one when she found Josie close to hysterical as she went to pick her up."

I really had no idea what to make of this guy, but as he inserted the shiny disc and then pushed some buttons, I was grateful for his help. Even if it should turn out to be a one-time-only occurrence.

"The bag was for your face, by the way."

I had already forgotten about the frozen peas. "Oh, yeah. Thanks." I readjusted the blanket so that it was fully wrapped around my baby's body, and then held onto her as the other grabbed said bag and pressed it against my jaw and cheek. The cold felt against—without a doubt—swollen skin, I almost groaned out.

By the time the thought crossed the train-wreck that was my mind, Ben was already on his way out of the room. "How is she holding up?"

He stilled in his tracks with his back to me. "Do you really want to know?"

I huffed. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

A sigh. "Barely, man, she is only barely holding up. It might as well had been her who took the beating." With that, he turned around to face me again. "Jay and Vic took her and her folks upstairs to their apartment, just so that, should their argument get heated, they'd be farther away from little ears." He nodded towards the bundle in my arms, though I got the reference.

"Just so you know, I didn't run away from Char-"

"I know. Everybody could see that. Probably even the Chief, though I wouldn't hold my breath for him to admit it. I better go back up and check on them."

I nodded acknowledgment and turned my attention back to the suddenly silent munchkin snuggled into my chest. With her eyes closed, one of her little thumbs sucked into her mouth and the way her breathing had finally evened out, it was apparent exhaustion had lured her into sleep. If it hadn't been for the dried tear-trails running from her closed lids down to her chin and the redness of her cheeks, she would have looked peaceful.

I resumed slowly moving us back and forth in the rocking chair that seemed to have become our special place. It was the second time now that we sat like this with one of us upset while the other tried to soothe him.

"Hey Edward," his voice was just a little above a whisper. After his last statement, I thought he had long left the apartment, but as my head turned back to where the door was, Ben was still standing where I last saw him. "What you are doing there, or today in general," he paused, seemingly re-thinking his words. "What I mean is, from what I've seen today, you are doing good. With her." Another nod in Josie's direction, his knuckled rapping against the door frame twice, and he was gone.

Though it hurt my sore skin, I couldn't stop the smile that turned the corners of my mouth upwards. For the second time in one day someone told me that I was doing good in regards to me and my baby girl. Obviously, I have proven more than once that I'm a fuck-up, messing things up left, right and center as I go, and sometimes irrevocably so. But maybe, just maybe, I wasn't a complete failure after all.

"I love you, Josephine." I whispered and pressed my lips to soft, dark curls and then again to her forehead, while somewhere in the background, a soft, feminine voice spoke of a kingdom far away.

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><p><strong><em>The chapter ended up being a little shorter than the ones before, but I promised several people there would be an update this weekend, so there. <em>**

**_So, what do you think? Like always, I would love to hear you thoughts. Even a simple "yay" or "nay" would make me happy! ; )_**

**_Until next time,_**

**_-Sue xx_**


	23. Standstills and FastForwards I

_**A/N: Fucking finally! Yes, those were my thoughts, too! I'm a complete fail when it comes to updating, there's no way in denying it.**_

_**A big thank you to everybody who left a red and left a review and put the story on alert/to favs. It means a lot!**_

_**Disclaimer: Everything, except for the plot and little Josie, belongs to S.M.**_

_** So are all the typos and other mistakes in this unbeta'd version. ;D**_

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><p><em><strong>Bella<strong>_

My head was killing me.

My brain must have swollen up to trice its regular size, slamming against my skull from the inside; the dull, steady pounding made it hard for me to focus. I had already tried massaging my temples, but it was fruitless. So was pinching the skin on my arms to avert the pain from my head to another part of my body.

When I was unable to pacify myself, how the hell was I supposed to calm the fuming, pacing and saliva-spitting bull with the dark eyes and bushy brows that was my father?

"Don't you dare try making a fool out of me, Isabella Marie!"

"Make a fool out of you? How? This has nothing to do with you!" This man was infuriating.

"It has everything to do with, since it's _my_ family we are talking about after all. You must be out of your mind if you think I'm going to allow this leech to weasel his way back into our lives."

My chances were slim to nil—just like all the countless times before—but I had to try. That was, after all, everything I was able to do at that point. "Dad," I sighed out in frustration, "for the last time now, the only reason I allow for Edward to be around is Josie. Period. Nothing more, nothing less."

He gave me that look that told me he thought I was full of bullshit, that I was hiding something from him. It was the same one he had given me several times back then when Edward and I were still an item. Like this one time when he caught sight of that enormous hickey Edward had left on my neck. So when I told him I had had an encounter with a curling-iron I in reality never possessed, he gave me that exact same look. I only learned that he never believed a word I said about the hickey-incident a few days later when he declared that, with the exception of Jake, boys weren't aloud in the house anymore without him being around, too. I followed that rule for about a week before Edward accompanied me home after school again.

Admittedly, he had a reason back then to not trust me in everything I said and did because, well, I did sneak around, stretched the truth from time to time, omitted info here, lied a little there. That's just what teenagers do, though. Well, maybe not all of them, but compared to classmates from both, Forks High and Masen's, I was a freaking saint. I never experimented with drugs, rarely drank, was always home ten minutes before my actual curfew and spent more time studying than I could have had.

Was that what he thought it was, what I was supposedly hiding from him? "You think we're back together, don't you?" I got my answer when his hands tightened into fists. "That is the most idiotic notion I ever came across! I mean, the fact that I can't stand being alone in a room with Edward for longer than two minutes without going mad aside... There is just no way... This is ridiculous! Do you think me that stupid and pathetic to jump right back into his arms just because he showed up at my doorstep? That's just -wow."

He scoffed and picked up pacing along the length of the black sofa, which was occupied by a mute Sue, over to the window at the far end of the room and back again. All the while muttering to himself.

Hurt by all the things my father didn't say, I stood alone leaning against the opposite wall, hands crossed over my chest, trying to hold myself together. Victoria had dragged James straight into the bathroom when we entered their apartment. She claimed that it was to fuss over his battle wounds, but I knew it was mostly to give us some space.

"Why is it so hard for you to trust me on this?" I hardly recognized the shaky voice as my own.

That stopped his pacing. "Trust you? After you lied to, and kept something as big as this from me for weeks, months maybe?" By the time he ended that sentence, he had crossed the room and stood right in front of me. The disappointment in both his voice and words was just another razor blade for me to swallow down.

"If you would just listen—_really_ listen—and let me explain-"

"You lied to me! What's there more to explain?" He spat.

"I didn't lie, though, Dad. I kept things from you, yes. And big things at that, but only because I wanted to tell you face to face. Because I wanted to avoid a scene like the one downstairs at all costs." The way he shook his head from side to side told me I was about get cut off again. It was infuriating.

"Tell me then, honestly, had I called the day the Cullens showed up on my doorstep, and given you an in-depth report, would you have sat back uninvolved while I tried to wrap my mind around that shit-turn of events? Or would you have blown everything out of proportion, driven up here and acted all irrationally?"

"I never acted irrationally in my life!" The denial in his voice was just as astounding as the shade of red that colored his cheeks and neck. He threw his hands up in disbelieve only to place them back on his hips right away.

It was my turn to huff incredulously. "Really? So, you find nothing wrong in spitting out curse-words and threads in front of a five-year-old? You think it totally sane and acceptable to get into a fight in front of your granddaughter with her...father?" I cringed a bit at the last word.

One hand moved to the back of his neck. "I never meant to... and just because it slipped my mind there for a second that she-. He is _not_ her father!"

I knew fully well that Edward was Josie's father – and so did he and everybody else around, but that was not was he meant. That it took more than merely having a child to become a parent. Prime example to this assumption: Renee, the woman who had given birth to me, and then left on a whim when she decided she wanted more of this live than being a small-town housewife without any regard to the people she'd leave behind. I was only eight years old back then.

"I know, Dad. We also knew all along that the day Josie asked about her father would come at one point or the other, though. Sooner or later she would have wanted to know who her father was and what happened to him, and I would have told her. The edited version, of course, but I would have told her nonetheless."

"So she knows what _he_ is?"

"No, of course not." I was back to massaging my temples. "It's only been a couple of weeks and with everything happening at once there was just no way. I mean, I'm still trying to come to terms with everything that happened here, and there is still much more to work through. Besides, I'm not even sure how this is all supposed to work out myself. Anything. To be honest, I'm lost and confused and you would know this had you listened to me!" It was only when I felt a drop land on the skin on my wrist, that I realized I was crying yet again.

Charlie's eyes softened; the hardness and anger almost completely vanished, and it was the first time that day that I saw my father standing before me. My dad. The only constant in my life, who I had disappointed and fought with more within the last hour than in the last ten years combined. But despite me being probably just as disappointed and upset with him than he was with me, when he lifted his rough hand up to softly stroke the length of my hair once—just once—the need to feel the comfort of his arms was overwhelming.

"Tell me, I'm listening now." My face was buried in Charlie's chest before he had the chance to finish his sentence, and when he wrapped his arms round me, I just couldn't keep it in any longer. I sobbed.

Charles Swan was known for a lot of things; he was the chief of police in the small town of Forks, whose wife ditched him only a few years after their daughter had been born, leaving him heartbroken and as a single-parent. There was also that granddaughter he adored but only infrequently saw since she lived out-of-state. He liked his little routines, like the cold beer after work, eating at the diner every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, going fishing with his old buddies every second Saturday, and calling his daughter at least once a week in the early evening—preferably on Sundays. Back in Forks, his hometown, he was loved and respected by them all; even though he declined invitations to dinner and joint gatherings as much as he could without coming off as rude or his profession allowed, he was considered the epitome of good people. All these things could be attested by any citizen in town.

Then there were the little things only known to his friends and family, like the fact that he never, ever would be caught wearing white socks, or eating sea fruit. He hated musicals with a passion, and the only songs he would be caught singing along to lowly were all by Johnny Cash. He vehemently denied having a sweet tooth, though he was caught sneaking candies into his mouth more often than Josie or Jake.

Though he loved with all of his heart, he was more reserved displaying his affection. I knew he loved me, there was no doubt about it; and despite me never being able to follow the path we both had planned for my life because life interfered, he was proud of me. He had told me that often enough. And his hugs were rare and special. They were real hugs and there was nothing half-assed about them; they were neither one-armed nor loose. Instead, they were tight and engulfing, pleasant and comforting. They made you feel secure. And precious. Charlie holding me in his arms has always made me feel so precious. It's been that way when I was just a little girl that got teased by the neighbor's kids, even more so when he came to visit after I had given birth to my beautiful daughter, and almost just as much when I broke down in James' and Victoria's apartment.

It took me while to calm my nerves and all the while, those strong arms never loosened their hold on me. When I was finally all out of snot and tears, he led us over to the empty sofa and it was only then that I realized that Sue must have had left the apartment at some point during my breakdown. After he reassured me that he would listen—all calmly and rational—I told him in detail about everything that had transpired since we had last talked on the phone the day Emmett opened the doors that granted the bloodsuckers entrance.

True to his word, Charlie didn't speak up once while I ranted on about the Cullen-Swan-reunion, though he did chuckle when I told him about attacking Emmett after his role in all this drama had been revealed. I continued with Rosalie's persistence and eventually, when everything else had been told, the hard part. Edward.

Claiming that my dad was all forthcoming and understanding that time around would have been a blatant lie, but at least least there were no more temper tantrums.

"I just don't understand how you can be so nonchalant about him being around, Bells. How can you be so forgiving? If Renee had shown up out of the blue to... " He rubbed a hand over his face in a manner that indicated exhaustion and frustration.

"Nonchalant and forgiving. Nonchalant and forgiving?" It was my turn to find an outlet for my own frustration- slapping my hands down on the top of my thighs. "How can you even... seriously? I'm not... to think that-" taking a deep breath, I tried to stop my rambling and order the mazy knot of wayward thoughts in my head. "I most definitely haven't forgiven _anything_ either one of them did to me, least of all Edward. I tolerate his presence because it makes the little one happy, and that's all there is to it."

"I don't like it, kiddo, not one bit."

"Neither do I, trust me. If there was anything I could do... . But then I see the two of them together and it's just so right. He adores her, dad, and she him. I've never seen anything like it before, they had this instant connection; no shyness or reluctance at all, they just interacted as if they had known each other all her life." The sigh that escaped my lips turned into a chuckle as I remembered the day Edward and Josie first met. "She fell asleep in his arms, Dad. Not long after they met she was snuggled into his chest, sleeping. She draws him pictures and asks about him all the time; it's like I'm chopped liver whenever he is around. Baby girl loves him and he her. I can't take that away from her, I just can't."

I hesitated for a moment but then added. "I can't take it away from him either, Charlie. He has the right to know her, too. It's only fair that-"

"I could care less about fairness when it comes to that family. Seeing you hurting so badly once was more than I can take. You have no idea how hard it possibility of him or them causing you pain once again... and you are all grown-up now, Bells. If the little one is really that attached already and whatever you and Cullen agreed on won't work out, she will be left devastated. I don't ever want to see one of _my_ baby girls heartbroken again."

"I know, Dad. Neither do I. I just don't know what else to do."

OoOoOo

It took another hour before I finally dragged my sore and tired body downstairs. Charlie and I had talked some more but without making any real progress in finding a solution that would make any more sense than the one I was already living by.

Shortly before Charlie had left to join Sue, Jake and Leah in the hotel they were all staying during their stay, I demanded a promise that there was never going to be a repeat performance of the hallway brawl in any way, shape or form. He gave me his word, claiming that as long as he and Edward were never to cross paths again, the latter didn't even exist where he was concerned. As long as Edward knew what was good for him, that was—the Chief's words not mine.

That statement wasn't comforting at all.

_**Edward**_

I was trying to figure out how to put a sleeping Josie into her pj's without waking her up, when I first heard the rattle of keys and then the click of a door being closed.

I'm not going to lie, I barely recognized Bella when she slowly stepped into the room; she looked so tired and lifeless, much older than she actually was and just... empty. Drained even. The paleness of her face, the bags under her eyes, the furrowed brows, her posture... She looked nothing like the woman who sat at the dining table earlier that joked with her friends and devoured ice-cream.

It was all wrong.

"Hey," she rasped out without meeting my eyes, instead she looked at the little, sleeping form on the bed.

"Hey." The silence that followed my reply was heavy. There were so many things that needed to be said and they hung heavily over our heads, filling the room, the whole apartment—after the day we had even more so then before. "I don't know how..." I waved the pj bottoms in my hand towards Josie.

With merely a nod of her head, Bella walked over to me, took the piece of clothing and went to work. Josie was changed and safely tucked back under her blanket in less than five minutes, the toy bunny clutched tightly in her small arms. The two plush monstrosities had been moved over to the rocker by me when I first laid her down in bed, for I feared they could suffocate her in her sleep.

I stood to the side as Bella caressed little Josie's face. There was so much love and adoration in every of her movements, the way she brushed dark hair out of her little face and stroked her cheek, in the way she whispered into her ear how much she loved her and how sorry she was the birthday party got ruined, and then in the she kissed her forehead. It made me feel like the intruder that I was.

"Mommy loves you. So much." It was then, hearing those words, that the pulling on my heartstrings got unbearable. It was suffocating and my only chance of breathing freely again was leaving the room, maybe even the apartment building. Or better yet, all of Oregon.

It was just too much. It was never meant to be like that...

I made it all the way to the door, when that exhausted, raspy voice that sounded nothing like the girl I used to know, stopped me. "You are leaving?"

"Yes. I-I think it's time." I spoke to the wall for I feared facing her exhausted figure would make breathing even harder.

"Oh." Why did she have to sound do damn disappointed? I expected her to be glad to finally be alone. To be rid of us all. Of me. "I thought... maybe you could stay. The night." Oh.

What?

The cracking sound my neck made when my head whipped around quickly to finally look at her was audible. There she stood, looking small and timid, fiddling with the sleeve of her cardigan, looking at a spot somewhere behind me. "Why would you want that?"

"It's just that... Josie was upset enough as it is. Should she wake up in the middle of the night and you are gone... I know it's selfish, but I'm so exhausted I just don't think I could handle another temper tantrum today-"

"Okay." The words left my mouth without my actual consent. It was just another one of those incidents where my body acted without contacting my brain first. But from the way that she asked me, so insecure with a hint of desperation in her voice, and another look into er blood-shot eyes, I knew she really needed me to stay. Honestly, it wasn't that she asked for something that I wasn't willing to do, watching over my girl, being there for her should she need me, surely wasn't some kind of penalty for me. I still had way too much time and even more things to make up for, why not start right there.

"Okay? Are you sure?"

Nodding my head, I hung my jacket back on the coatrack. "It's the least I can do."

There was no reply and when I turned back around to face her, she was nowhere in sight. There was some rummaging nearby that I took as a good sign that she didn't just left me standing in her living room like an idiot while simply went to bed. Just as I was about to follow the noise, Bella re-emerged carrying linen, pillows and a blanket. She thrust everything into my arms and then went over to the sofa.

I told Bella it wasn't necessary of her to prepare that makeshift bed for me, since I just as well could have done that myself—and because it made me uncomfortable to watch her doing that for me—but she pretended not to hear me. In fact, it wasn't until the bed was fully made that she acknowledged my presence again by telling me that she would leave a spare toothbrush and fresh towels in the bathroom for me.

She might as well could have just went straight to bed after I agreed to stay, for I felt like and idiot, anyway. I told her I was fine, though, and then accepted the remote for the TV when she handed it to me.

When there was nothing more left for her to fuzz over, the both of us just stood awkwardly opposite each other, both unsure of what to do, both trying to look anywhere but at the other; she fidgeting with the sleeves of her cardigan again, me rubbing the back of my neck.

Eventually, she wished me a good night and disappeared into the bathroom. I took my shoes and sweater off, emptied the pockets of my jeans and...felt completely out of place. Awkward and out of place—two attributes to describe my presence in the Swan apartment whenever my baby girl wasn't around. Another item to add to the never ending list of things I needed to work on, that I needed to change. Seemed to me like the next year would be a busy one.

"If you want anything to drink or eat, the fridge is yours." Bella's voice almost made me jump.

"Thanks. I'm sure I'll be fine." I tried to give her a light, reassuring smile to make her look less like the weight of the world rested on her shoulders, but then I realized that in our own small world, full of drama and hurt, she did carry the biggest part of the load. So much so, that it almost brought her to her knees.

Another nod and she left for her bedroom. The moment her back was turned to me I realized how much I needed for her to stand a little straighter, to carry less of that weight -even if it was just for a moment. Without any regard as to whether she wanted it or a chance to disappear in her room, I quickly walked up behind and wrapped her in my arms. Her back was to my chest, my head leaned against hers; we were so close. She went rigid from being taken by surprise or by my close proximity -probably both. I see why such a move would catch her off guard, but there was just something I had to say, one of the many things I should have said years ago.

I moved my head so that my mouth was closer to her ear."It's going to be alright. Somehow...somehow we are going to make this work. We are going to be alright." After a little squeeze, I unwrapped my arms again and stepped back. One loud exhale, a look over her shoulder and then the door closed. I remained standing helplessly where I was for another moment before I went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth -with a kid sized toothbrush in green with yellow stars on it.

OoOoOoOo

I couldn't tell you how much had passed—time I spent alone with my rampaging thoughts—laying on that fold-out sofa and not really watching TV just switching mindlessly through the channels, before I noticed something small and unbearably cute in my peripheral vision. A little to the side with one hand rubbing her tired eyes and her bunny-friend in the other, stood my baby girl.

"Bad dream?" All I got was a shrug. "Come here."

No sooner had I lifted a corner of the blanket a bit had she crawled in next to me, snuggled to my side she was out like a light in no time. It felt good.

It was little things like that, the idea that sometimes needed me a bit, that I could make things better for her as much as she made things better for me, that made me realize what I needed to do to start working through the mess we all created. The start.

Where I needed to go.

Chicago.

* * *

><p><strong>I know the chapter was really short. I split the chapter so that you guys wouldn't have to go even longer (again. I know, I feel terrible, too) without an update.<strong>

**And the emotions and thoughts are still all over the place! But as it was said once again in this chapter -hardly any time has passed! Wih so much stuff going on all the time, working through the mess and making decisions takes time.**

**Tell me your thoughts -I would love to hear them!**

**There are still a few reviews for the last chapter I haven't replied to yet. I will get to those tomorrow the latest. **

**-Sue xx**


	24. Standstills and FastForwards II

_**Bella**_

There was laughter.

Despite the steady pounding in my head and the state of only barely awake I was in, I heard it clearly. Soft giggles and high-pitched belly-laughs; sounds that had always had the ability to pull the corners of my mouth upwards, no matter what. There is just something about the sound of your child's glee and laughter, to see and feel their happiness, that makes you forget about your pain and sorrows. It's there; warming your heart, drying your tears. Even if it only lasts for the duration of a moment.

It's a phenomenon; it's own kind of magic.

But this time, there was more.

Another belly-laugh, but stronger and louder. Just as infectious and well-known as the smaller one I heard first, but deeper and most noticeably male. Edward.

Edward, who had stayed the night.

The moment that realization hit me, I gasped. My eyes sprang open and I rolled over on my other side so that I lay facing the door. More laughter, and in between spoken words I couldn't quite make out. Though I felt nowhere near rested, one look at the alarm clock in my bedside-table told me I had slept longer than I should have. Moving the blanket from my body, I crawled out of bed, leaving the luring and comforting warmth of it behind.

Pulling on yesterday's socks that I had dismissively thrown on the ground last night before sleep had taken over, I then snatched a hair tie from the small table next to me and pulled my hair up in a messy bun. Slowly, as to not make too much noise, I left my bedroom and walked down the hallway and to the living room. Once I had them in my line of sight, I halted my movements, leaned against the wall with my head turned to the right, and just observed them.

There they were, sitting on the couch with the blanket I had given Edward last night thrown over their legs, watching Spongebob. Josie was cuddled into his side, absentmindedly playing with the fingers of the hand attached to the arm that was wrapped around her. For minutes, I observed as the two of them continued to watch the cartoon, biting down on the inside of my cheek as to not alert them to my presence when their laughter became too much.

It was only when Edward turned his head to the side, without a doubt initially to say something to Josie, that my presence was discovered. For a moment or two there we just stared at each other, and then, as I lifted my left hand to awkwardly and unnecessarily waved at him, he offered me the tiniest smile.

It was nothing really, it didn't even fully reach his eyes, and yet, it made me uncomfortable to the point where I had to break the silence and that shared moment along with it.

"Is this an invitation-only party or can everybody join?"

Messy, brown curls whipped around as Josie turned her head to look at me. "Mommy!"

Taking bigger steps than usual, I closed the distance between us and picked her up. With her arms wrapped around my neck and her little legs curled around my torso, I cuddled her to me. We remained like that for a while; me apologizing for everything that went wrong last night and assuring her that her Papa was the sweet, old man he always was into her ear, as she played with the neckline of my tee. Deep down I knew it probably wouldn't be enough to make her forget about what she had seen and heard last night, but I just felt like I had to explain at least parts of it. There was only so much I could do though, the rest was up to Charlie. I just hoped that the hallway brawl hadn't scarred her for life.

Afterward, I listened to her telling me all about how she slept snuggled into Edward on the couch, and how they had breakfast together earlier, before sending her off to her room to pick out her "super pretty birthday outfit" as she liked to call it.

Which left Edward and me alone in the room. Great.

Looking back up, I found him staring at me. Hair even more disheveled as usual and wearing the clothes from the day before, he simply sat still in the same spot I had found him in.

"Good morning."

"Hey. Good morning. I hope you don't mind me raiding your fridge and cupboards without asking, but I thought it was best to let you sleep and Josie was hungry, so..." he waved his hand toward the carton of milk, box of cereals and the used bowls standing on my coffee table.

"No problem, really. Feel free to help yourself to whatever you want." Stepping closer to the table, I noticed an almost empty mug placed on it. "I need one of those and badly. Up for a re-fill?"

I waited for his nod before collecting the milk and bowls, and made my way over to the kitchen area.

"I would have done that in a minute," Edward said as he followed behind me.

"Stop it."

"I mean-"

I gave him a look over my shoulder, signaling him to can it, before preparing the coffee maker for another round of vitally important elixir.

"So, um, listen," he started as he stepped next to me and leaned against the fridge, "there's something I need to tell you." His eyes were trained on my hands as I continued to fill coffee powder into the filter.

There was something in his tone, this hint of hesitation and insecurity, that made me stop my movements. "Okay." Turning my head a little, his eyes visibly reflected these same emotions.

"I'm leaving."

"Oh." I waited for him to continue, but he never did.

"You don't have to, you know? I mean, there is still a bit time left before Jo and I need to leave, so, if you want, you can stay a bit longer and maybe help us stuff the goodie bags with all kinds of candy."

There we were again: him announcing his departure and me asking him to stay. It felt awfully like the conversation we had last night. What was up with that?

The smile playing at his lips was lop-sided and very familiar. "I'd love to. That's not what I meant, though." He waited for a beat then before continuing. "I'm going back to Chicago." At that, he finally looked up.

It was a punch to the gut coming out of nowhere and knocking me off my feet.

"Well, that changes things." Even though I tried to come across as calm and collected, the words sounded meek as they left my mouth. I hated it.

But not nearly as much as I hated him.

Placing the container of coffee powder on the counter, I took a step backward as to distance myself a little more from the coffee maker, for I had half a mind to grab it and ram the damn thing repeatedly into Edward's face.

"When?" Mindful of the set of little ears nearby, I tried really hard not to raise my voice.

"Soon. Preferably before Christmas. I just want to get it over with and put everything behind me." Another low blow. And the fact that he stood there, saying these words like they were nothing—without even a trace of remorse or shame in his voice—it made my blood boil. Add to that the fact that I had spent hours defending his good intentions and relationship with Josie to my father not too long ago, and I was seething.

He continued to speak before I had a chance to voice my raging thoughts. "So I thought, since I'll probably be stuck over there for a while cutting my ties, maybe I could take Josie out before I leave? I could take her to the museum or the mall." He brought his left hand up to the back of his neck. "Just her and me, if that's okay with you."

"You must be out of your damned mind if you-" I halted, repeating his words in my head. Did he say what I think he said? It must have taken a good minute for the meaning of his words to really sunk in, and yet, they left me confused.

"Bella?" There was a hint of worry in his voice.

"You're coming back then?" I was still trying to grasp what he may, or may not had implied there.

"Yes, of course, you know that. What-" His eyes narrowed visibly as the wheels turned in his head and realization settled in. "You thought I was going to leave for real." It wasn't a question but a statement.

The flicker of concern he had shown a mere minute before was washed away and instantly replaced with anger. If the tight set of his jaw and the hard stare of his eyes weren't indicator of that enough, the way he spit his next words at me sure sealed the deal.

"You think that after everything, I would—could—just up and leave like that? Weren't you listening to anything I said before? Or did you listen but chose not to _hear_ what I actually said?" The hand on his neck traveled upward, his long fingers brushing through the messy strands, tugging on the ends and then repeated the motion. Over and over again.

"Haven't I made it clear that I want to be in my daughter's life? Even despite my past screw-ups, do you really think so little of me now to believe I would abandon my own child?" Shaking his head from side to side in obvious disappointment, he made me feel like a chastised little girl.

Guilt. Another load to the ever-growing pile of emotional fuckery weighing down on me was exactly what I needed. And yet, seeing the honest hurt and frustration on his face, I couldn't help but feel guilty. I had messed up. "Shit...Edward. I'm so-"

His hand darted up impossibly fast. "Don't."

His gaze drifted away from my face, over my shoulder and settled somewhere behind me. For a few moments his perfectly green eyes flickered from side to side, as if they were searching for something of importance, imperative. And then, just as quickly, they halted only to glaze over, taking on that hue you get when your mind drifts away on its own accord.

I remained silent, chewing on the inside of my cheek, wishing I could go back in time a few minutes to just hold my tongue.

"You know," Edward interrupted the quiet, his voice even with resignation. "I'm trying so hard to see where yo are coming from, to understand. And I get it—maybe not everything-but for the most part I do, I get it. What my family did to you and put you through—what _I_ did to hurt you and put you through...you're anger doubt and reservations, they are all justified. Really, I get it. You just want to protect that precious, little girl from hurt as much as you want to protect yourself. Her probably even more so than yourself."

He tilted head backward a bit, cradling it in the back by his intertwined fingers. I watched as his tongue moved along his bottom lip once and left a trail of moisture behind. "And I—no, actually that's bullshit, I really don't know how it feels like to be in the _exact_ same situation as you were. I can't imagine how deeply hurt you must have been back then when you...found out. What I'm trying to say is... ahh, _fuck_!"

When his fingers dug into his hair to tug at the strands, it was as if a switch had been pulled: the hollowness in his eyes and voice gave way to frustration laced with a dose of anger.

"That boy you met back then—the good, untainted side of him—he never really left. Regardless of what I did that night or what I've become, deep down the boy is still me, I am still him. To hear you say and think that that boy would be able to so easily step back from his own words, to break the promises he had made...that hurts."

My mouth snapped open, the words on the brink of stumbling past my lips but before I had the chance to voice a single one of them, the glance he shot my way robbed me of any sound. Given the chance, I would have told him that already did break promises and stepped back from words and vows he had made. Promises and vows made to me; whispered in my ear, breathed against my skin, written on paper.

I was left standing stock still and speechless as he continued.

"I know that I've hurt you, okay? I have to life with the knowledge and guilt of having destroyed something beautiful due to foolishness and recklessness. You won't ever know how badly I wish to take it all back and make it good again, to never have got into that argument with you—hell, to never have intended that fucking party—but I can't. I've destroyed it and now I have to carry this load on my shoulders. Another thing I know is that I deserve every ounce of anger and every swear word sent my way for what I did to you—to us. You're justified to hate me, to be disgusted and find me pathetic. You have every right to curse me out, to yell and scream at me, to not play pretend everything is forgiven and forgotten. I deserve all of it."

His honestly only stunned me further. "I-"

"But all that aside—regardless of everything that transpired that night and after—don't go around and make me out to be worse than I am. Go on and judge me for having been an unfaithful bastard; judge me for every little thing I've ever done wrong, every mistake I've ever made right up until the point that I became my parents lapdog. It's you're right. Go on, have your say. Do it, curse me out – I'm sure half of what you think and have to say about me actually accurate. You and even your friends and family are entitled to it all, but don't you dare going down that road again. Don't go around and judge for something I never had the chance to prove myself in—it's not fair. That and the fact that you kept my baby from me for years are rights you don't have—or had. Just...don't. At least give me the chance to actually make all the mistakes you expect me to make before judging my parental skills—you owe me that much."

All of that crashed down on me, hit me one by one and yet all together like a shower of hailstones, released in one long string of words and their weight.

I could read in his eyes that he was far from being finished, that there was more he wanted to get off his chest—more low blows to get even, too, of that I was sure—and he would have put it all out there, hadn't it been for that little, loud voice interrupting us once again, demanding his presence in her room.

It was like a never ending pattern of us being on the brink of really laying everything on our minds and hearts out there, to say everything that needs to be said, only to get interrupted or sidetracked by something or someone. Though I was looking forward to the day this train wreck was going to happen as much as I was looking forward to get all my fingernails ripped out slowly, I was getting tired of it all. The longer we kept on procrastinating the inevitable, the larger the amount of pent up anger and hurt emotions. Considering the fact that the emotional powder keg between us was already giving off sparks, this could only end in nothing short of a massive explosion. Additionally, for every we seem to be making into the right direction, into the safe zone, we moved about five back again.

It was a tiresome dance neither of us really seemed to know the steps of.

Jabbing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he moved to follow her call.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." This time it was me that sounded like a chastised child.

* * *

><p>Edward, already halfway down the hallway, stopped his movements. His back facing me, he went for straight for the throat. "I won't ever abandon my child, my own flesh and blood. Not by choice and not ever. I'm not Renee."<p>

And then he was gone and I was left standing alone in a room that somehow seemed way too big all of a sudden, with a lump in my throat and gravel in the pit of my stomach.

I couldn't say how much longer I remained forlornly rooted into place, but eventually I dragged myself along the hallway and into my bedroom to grab some clothes. As I made my way to the bathroom, I couldn't fight the lure of giggling and hushed words spoken by soft voices from pulling me in.

Hidden from their sight, I leaned my back against the solid wall and listen to what must have been the first semi-serious crisis Josie and Edward had.

"Stop it with the huffing, princess, I happen to like my crown green. I think it's very pretty."

"Ugh...but that's not wight! Cwowns ahw s'posed to be pink or golden, Edwahd." I had to bite down hard on my lips to keep me chuckling, hearing the earnestness in her voice.

"Ugh...Josie, I'm a boy, I can't go around wearing pink crowns. What would all the other princes think of me?" Edward replied with a high-pitched voice and mock-horror.

"But Liam woahw my pink bwacelets the othaw day, and he is a boy, too!"

"Liam? Who is that?"

"My best boy fwiend."

"You mean he is your friend and a boy, not that he is your _boyfriend_, right?"

"Uh-huh."

Edward mumbled something unintelligible in return and I had to work my lip even harder as to not snort out.

The were silent for a while then, exchanging crayons. It was right after Edward agreed to at least color the the diamonds and gemstones on hid drawn crown pink and purple, when Josie asked him if he'd make it to her party later on.

"There's nothing I'd like more, but I'm afraid I really can't today, baby girl. I have to...um, I really can't today. Hey, put that pout away, okay? You're going to have so much fun with you friends and your grandpa and Jacob, you won't even notice I'm not there. And may, if your mom allows it, I can take out to the zoo or mall someday soon. Just the two of us, would you like that? Yeah? Alright, now come here and give me a big hug."

I turned and left them alone then. Stepping into the bathroom, I locked the door behind me and started the shower. As I got rid of clothes, I prayed that the steaming water would soothe my muscles and wash some of the tension in them away.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Edward <strong>_

Groaning loudly in exasperation, I tipped my forehead against the cool glass of the window pane over and over again.

You would think that, after not answering the first seventy billion calls and leaving each one of the many texts received unanswered, people would get the message. But no, as my iPhone continued to vibrate and ring, the name announced on its screen was still the same. _Esme_.

She was persistent, I gave her that.

For over a month now she had been relentless and merciless in her pursuit on going on my last nerve by trying to get a hold of me. She even went as far as leaving me tons of voice messages on both my answering machines—the one that comes with my phone and the one connected to the landline. Well, I assumed that the voice mails I had received were all from her - I wouldn't know, for I'd stopped listening to them after the first one I had received. At that point, she must have already called half a dozen times and was definitely in a sour mood, hence her screeching and spitting accusations. I'm sure she went on and on about how my absence at the "family" get-together was one big disappointment and how I'd dare to neglect my obligations and our traditions. But seeing as I deleted said massage after five seconds in, it was mere speculation on my part. Not really.

I would have unplugged the house phone and turned off my cell all together to finally get some peace of mind, if it weren't for that one call I've been waiting for all day...

It was another good minute before the ringing finally ceased. Slipping my phone back into the front pocket of my jeans, I went back to staring out of the panorama window in my living room, taking in what the Chicago skyline had to offer. It wasn't much, if I dare say so—at least not for me. Obviously, seeing as the sun had long settled, leaving all the skyscrapers and other building and streets outlined by the many streetlights and office lights at random in front of a darkened sky, was a beautiful sight, I'm not going to lie. It just didn't hold as much appeal to me anymore as it used to not too long ago.

Has it really only been a few weeks since I last walked along these same pavements, drove down the same streets and reveled in everything this concrete jungle had to offer? It certainly felt like a whole lifetime had past since I last stood at this exact same spot and looked at the same scenery, but feeling so much more. The demanding and stressful college part aside, living here by myself and relatively far away from my parents, it gave me a sense of freedom. And more so, amidst the hectic people and plethora of tall towers made of steel and glass that made the concrete jungle that was Chicago, I had found the distance and peace I had been looking for. It was the closest thing to feel like being home I thought I would get for a long while to come to be honest. I _had_ felt at home.

Really, I used to love this city with all its flaws and lights, but somehow, now, having been back for a mere five weeks, everything had changed. It wasn't only the city, though. My apartment which I used to consider home with its spacious rooms and ultra chic, modern interior suddenly felt all wrong. The floor-to-ceiling windows, the all glass, chrome and mahogany furniture in front of the white walls I had spent way too much on... they just seemed pretentious instead of homey or comfortable to me now.

I guess my just heart wasn't in it anymore. I left it with an angel-faced, dark-haired beauty residing in a small town in the state of Oregon. It hadn't taken more than two nights back here in my apartment to miss her so much, I had felt downright homesick.

I couldn't help but chuckle through my nose as the realization that I had come full circle hit me. When I first came here, it wasn't only because of school, it was also my attempt to escape the hunting thoughts of an other beautiful, dark-haired girl. Had I known back then that I would land right back at the start a few years later, I would have saved myself the troubles of relocating and the effort of moving on and just stayed in Washington myself. It's not that I forgot all about Isabella Swan or my aching heart the moment I had set foot into this city—far from it—but the physical distance from Forks and the entire Pacific Peninsula with all the little reminders of what I had lost due to my biggest fuck-up to date made it a little easier for me to cope. Sometimes.

I was counting the days, minutes, to the day I'd finally be able to pack up everything I intended to take with me, and board the plane headed westward. Unfortunately, there were still a few things I head to deal with before I could do so.

Getting a hold of Jane Volturi and calling our "engagement" off being top of that list. I had been almost as persistent in setting a date for a meet up with her as my mother was in tearing me a new one. Actually, she was using the same tactic I did – avoidance. Calls and mails either went unanswered or it took her days to return them. We had made plans to meet up for dinner five times now, and every damn time she had called last-minute to cancel, claiming some emergency or other had occurred. As far as I was informed, she would only stay in Chicago for another week before heading back to New York, which made meeting up soon all the more urgent.

Her strange behavior had me thinking someone must have tipped her off, and I had a good suspicion who that someone was.

Alice.

Among the trillion massages from Esme, there had also been a few from my beloved cousin. It wasn't hard to guess that she was after my head as well. Yet another confrontation I wasn't looking forward to have, but out of all the shit I would have to deal with at one point, and angry Alice Cullen was the least of my concerns. I would cross that bridge when everything else and far more important had been dealt with.

What was is it with people feeling like they had to play games with me?

Sighing, I fished my cell back out of my pocket. My fingertips flipped over the screen as I typed out yet another message to Jane. Only this time, I forwent being vague, and told her in no uncertain terms that—since I assumed she already knew what I was up to anyway—should she cancel on me yet again, I' be forced to say what I had to say via text. Even though I really didn't want to end thing that way, enough was enough. I included two possible dates to meet up for her to choose from and hit "send".

It was on a late evening in the first week of February, that I stumbled slightly buzzed into my apartment which seemed to look colder and less and less appealing every time I set foot into it.

I had met up with a few guys I had first been introduced to during an internship of one of my father's business buddies. I wouldn't consider any of them close friends, but just some guys I used to hang out with from time to time. When I told them about my plan of moving to Portland and some of the reasons why, they all thought I was moronic dipshit for uprooting my life just like that.

They didn't get it.

How could they—neither of the four guys either managed to keep a girl for longer than a month, or didn't want to. They lived off of daddy's money and had their whole lives figured out. Or rather, someone else – meaning their parents - had their entire lives figured out for them. The professions they would pursuit, the people they had to surround themselves with a and navigate around, often times the wife or husband they would take one day... it was figured out and planned to a "t". There was just no room for something unexpected, something to twist and turn and mess with even only the most insignificant of points on the schedule that were their lives. Their futures were as secure as they were risk free. Bulletproof. Perfect.

A bit of an argument ensued with them defending the safety cushion way of life, whereas I countered that that life just wasn't for me anymore—maybe never really had been—because my priorities had changed. We soon realized that we've reached an impasse as either side was unwilling to give in and—seeing as it was unsure if we'd ever cross paths again—agreed to disagree and left it at that. We had a few drinks, shared some memories of other nights out together and eventually, I said my goodbye's.

It was unspectacular but appropriate.

Sitting down on my black leather sofa laptop in hand, I remembered to have accidentally forgotten my cell at home when I headed out. Thinking it'd be best to check it, I went hunting for it. Turned out I had left in on top of my dresser.

One look at the illuminated screen was enough for my heart to instantly drop into the pit of my stomach.

Seven missed calls and four new texts in a little over three hours and all from Bella.

The fear that something might have had happened to my baby girl spread like a wildfire through my body that cut me off any oxygen supply.

Not wasting another second, I dialed her number right away, dying little deaths as the signal rang four-five-six times before she finally, breathlessly, answered her cell. "Hello?"

"Bella! What happened? Is Josie okay? Are you okay? What the hell happened?" I was frantic.

There was a "fuck", followed by a brief pause. "Calm down. It's fine – everybody is fine." A long exhale. "I'm sorry for giving you a scare, that wasn't my intention."

I sighed in relief, but felt nowhere near calmed down. "Just tell me."

"Look, thinking about it, I may have gone a bit overboard the with excessive amount of calling and texting. It was just an overall bad day... Josie woke up with a stomach bug and threw up shortly after. She was cranky and moody all day and it got increasingly worse with every passing hour. I'm talking full-blown temper tantrums here. Then, a few hours ago, just when I thought things would get better, she started asking about you and why you haven't returned yet. She misses you so badly. So, when we called your phone and it went unanswered... I guess it all boiled over. She got so upset that she started crying and, as we continued and failed to reach you, the tears were accompanied by screams. She got so worked up, so out of control, I almost didn't recognize her. I mean, I know my kid can throw a tantrum with the best of them, but never have I seen her like that." She spoke so quickly, I had a hard keeping up as the words flew from her mouth.

"Shit, Bella, I'm so sorry. I went out earlier and forgot my cell at home. You know I would have never purposely ignored a call from you guys."

"I know this, Edward. Really, don't worry, it was just one of _those_ days. It wasn't all just you, it all mixed together and the result was this day making the top ten list of Josie's worst crying fits."

"Yeah, well..." A glance at my watch told me it was a little after 9 pm here. "Can I talk to her?"

"She would love that, but I just tugged her in. The fatigue finally won over. Maybe, tomorrow morning? I'll let her call you right after she had breakfast."

"Oh." Why, out all the days to forget my phone at home – which usually never happens – did it have to be today?

"I'm sorry."

"Yea. It just really... I feel like an asshole." An idea popped to my mind then. "What's her usual time to wake up? I mean, do you think the exhaustion of the day will make her sleep longer or will she awake earlier tomorrow?" Planting my butt on the sofa, I booted up my laptop with one hand while keeping my cell pressed against my ear with the other.

Admittedly, I was only half-listening as she continued. My mind was too occupied finding the next best direct flight back to Portland; back _home_.

* * *

><p><strong><em>I know I fail at updating. I also know that I keep on apologing for the same thing and that it's getting old. I'm trying, though and I apologize (again) if I upset you.<em>**

**_I'm really grateful for all the reviews and alerst my story has gotten. I appreciate it all, and I want to thank you for your patience and understanding._**

The comment Bella makes about powder kegs is in reference to Bonnie Tyler's song "Total Eclipse of the Heart" - "We're living in a powder keg and giving up sparks"

I hope you all had a great start into the new year.

Thank you and until next time.

-Sue xx


	25. The Pursuit of Happiness

_**Edward**_

It was due to sheer foolishness and a good dose of luck that I managed to book the first direct flight available from Chicago to Portland.

Seeing as it was barely passed midnight and the plane wouldn't board before early morning, I took my time showering and stuffing clothes, toiletries and other necessities into a carry-all. However, once I realized I was done packing and hardly any time had passed, I immediately became restless. I tried killing some time with googling whatever random thing popped to my mind and then halfheartedly read some of the articles, but my concentration seemed to dwindle away some more with every word I passed.

Deciding that O'Hare was as a good a place to kill time as any, I eventually shut the laptop down to pack into my bag and ordered a cab. When that was done I scribbled down a quick note and instructions for my housekeeper, then took a tour through my apartment to check all electronic devices were switched off. Satisfied that everything was secure, I bundled up and finally left my apartment.

Once out of the elevator, I bid Steve, the night doorman, a good night and stepped outside. The cold, crisp air of the night hit me full force, made my nostrils tingle and my eyes water instantly. I smiled. To myself and completely out of the blue, evoked by the prospect of seeing that little heart-stealer of mine again soon.

Damn, she really had me wrapped about her tiny finger.

Chuckling into the night I watched as my breath danced into the dark, spread out to be ripped apart by the softly falling snowflakes and then vanished. I readjusted my thick woolen beanie and tightened the matching black scarf around my neck before patting the pockets of my coat and jeans for my smokes. Just as I had lit one up, the steadily increasing sound of an engine and the flicker of bright, yellow beams caught my attention. Inhaling deeply, I watched the cab slowly approaching. When it came to a halt a few feet down the road from where I stood, for a second there I thought it was the one sent to pick me up. Carry-all in hand and messenger bag slung across my chest I started to make my way toward it.

Approaching the car I brought the cigarette to my lips one more time and inhaled simultaneously to a petite, female figure exiting the cab. Upon realizing who was standing before me—dressed in fur from head to toe—I instantly regretted ever having picked up that bad habit of mine.

As my eyes watered from the ingested smoke burning in my lungs and airways, as I choked and coughed, gasping for some cleansing air she stood stoically, already bored with the performance I put on.

"What are you doing here, Alice? I somehow managed to wheeze out, slowly catching my breath.

She remained unimpressed by my little performance. "Well, obviously I'm here to pay you a visit."

One sentence. We had exchanged one mere sentence and already she was giving me attitude. All traces of the good mood from just a minute ago were long gone and vanished, just like condensed breath in the cold night air.

"Well, _obviously_, you caught me at a bad time." I pointed toward my luggage as I walked passed her and on to the cab that thankfully hadn't driven off, yet.

The middle-aged and slightly balding driver was going through a stack of papers or receipts or whatever when I knocked on the cool glass pane. I waited for him to roll down the window and then proceeded to ask him whether he could take me to the airport.

There was just no way in hell I'd survive waiting god-knows-how-long for the one I had ordered to show up without going insane while Alice was around.

He nodded and then stepped out, opening the trunk for me to stow away my bags.

I was fastening the seat belt slated to my seat in the back of the cab, waiting for the driver to finally get the car going, when the door I had just closed shut got ripped open again. It didn't take a genius to guess by whom.

"What do you think you are doing?" A screech.

"What does it look like?" It was a rhetorical question laced with a good portion of annoyance. Alice choose to ignore both and simply stared me down, only her head and shoulders peeking inside the car. "If you must know, I'm on my way to the airport."

The smile that crept onto her face was sardonic and ugly. "Ahh. You've finally come to your senses and now you plan to go kiss up some ass in Seattle, huh?"

"Nope." Not even close.

"Then where are you going?"

I was already over dealing with her. "That's really none of your business."

Her full lips morphed into a set of thin lines then, matching the way she had narrowed her eyes into slits. The force behind her gaze was penetrating and relentless, calculating. For someone who had known her the better part of his whole life, those were the tell-tale signs of Alice Cullen readying herself for another round of the game she had yet to loose in.

See, here's the thing about my cousin, this tiny girl one year my junior with an angelic, doll-like face and a sense of self-importance and ego as immense as the Empire State Building: whenever Alice wanted something, she made sure she would get it.

No matter the cost.

Whether that was a pair of exquisite shoes, expensive jewelry, those three Arabian purebred horses she desperately needed when she was thirteen and lost interest in after hardly three months but kept them anyway just so she could say she had them, a guy or...car. Usually, as it had been ever since she came to live with us after her parent's death, it didn't take her more than putting or that puppy-dog-eyes-exaggerated-pout-combo-farce-_thing_ laced with a mild begging and the occasional whine, and her work was done.

Every now and then, however, she'd encounter a situation or person where it took more effort ans persuasion on her part to have her will. And if the little amount of playing nice and kissing ass she could bring herself to demean to didn't get her anyway, either, then it was time to bring out the big guns. Bribing, bullying, _blackmailing _– sooner or later, one way or the other, she'd find that sore spot, the Achilles' Heel that made every hurdle crumble into dust and every human being tumble to their knees.

It was like a gift; a sardonic ability placed in the hands of a bored and selfish little girl trapped in a young woman's body. Equipped with an innate greed for superiority and attention, it was a dangerous combination. Lethal.

And she felt challenged.

"I'm not leaving this car until you tell me," she said as she slid in next to me and pulled the hood of her cloak coat off her head.

"That's your problem, not mine." Bringing my attention back to the important things, I tapped the driver on his shoulder, signaling him to get the vehicle moving.

"I can't believe you just did that," she huffed. "But then again, nothing should surprise me anymore where you are concerned. Ever since Portland -"

Alice turned in her seat to face me, staring, trying to lure answers out of me with her eyes. I kept silent, fully aware that it was only a matter of time before she would make the connection.

"You've got to be kidding me! That's where you are headed – Portland? Back to that white trash and her little spawn-"

I grabbed her wrist. "You don't want to finish that sentence."

She glared me down as she tugged her arm free."Be careful, Edward, you don't want to get on my bad side."

"No, you better be careful, Alice. You want to start shit with me? Go ahead, I really don't care. But you leave my daughter and Bella out of this. Just like you are nothing to them, they are nothing to you. Don't talk about them, don't even think about them! They are off limits."

"My my, how the mighty have fallen. Back to being wrapped around her pinky, I see. Or was it her pussy that was wrapped around your dick? Make sure to get tested regularly, you don't want to catch any STD's from that loose bitch."

"Alice!" I couldn't tell who was more taken aback my the fierceness of my growl, her or me. Seeing as people raising their voice against Alice Cullen was unheard of, and the fact that I seemed to have developed a temper ever since my first trip to Portland, probably her.

Putting some much needed distance between us,I retreated as far away from her as the backseat let me. "You know, for someone who considers herself far above other people,the stuff you spew is pretty low."

Plucking her leather gloves off her hands, my cousin dearest replied with a huff. The silence that followed would have been a much needed opportunity to calm down, appreciated as chance to put my thoughts to order. Instead, however, it did nothing but irritate me further, for it there was something more unnerving than a raging Alice, it was a calm and collected Alice. She was so eerily calm sitting there staring out of the window, it was scary. Hadn't it been for the hum of the motor and the obligatory traffic noises, I swear I would have heard the wheels in her head quietly ticking and turning in her head.

It was unsettling and I lasted only a few minutes longer before the bouncing of my knees wasn't enough an outlet for my nerves anymore, and I had to break the silence. "What was it again you said the reason for your visit was?"

"I didn't."

"Well?" I motioned for her to go on.

"What? It's not like it matters now that you are going on your little trip, does it?"

"Jesus Christ, Alice! Does everything have to be a game for you? I was just asking out of curiosity and because of the faint chance that you actually had a reason to come all the way here. If you just wanted to throw some insults, you should have saved yourself the trouble of traveling and just called."

"Because you're so good at answering your phone these day?"

"Is that it – did Esme send you?"

"Not specifically, no. After your absence on Christmas and still no word or explanation came New Year's, she called and asked if I had heard anything from you – which I hadn't, obviously. She was so pissed at you, and still is. I meant to come here to catch up with some people anyway, so I told her I'd try to get a hold of you during my stay." It was then she turned her head to look at me. "By the way, Jane sends her love."

What. The. Fuck?

"Jane." The chuckle that escaped my lips sounded too high-pitched to be actually mine. "So you talked to her then?" That was just golden.

"Of course. I've been in Chicago for almost two weeks now and Jane is one of my best friends, obviously I met up with her several times since my arrival."

"Well, I guess it's just me then she has no time to meet up with for." I fucking knew it. All her lame excuses and talks of emergencies where just that – lame excuses.

"Yea? Did you share a few good laughs on my expanse? Did you two stupid girls got your kicks from leaving one desperate message after the other, hm?"

"I really don't know what you are talking about." She was quick to avert her eyes and I about had enough. "I really am just a big, fat joke to everybody, aren't I?"

"Here we go with the dramatics again,"she sighed.

"Dramatics? This is my fucking life, Alice! _My_ life." I was so pissed off, so tired and frustrated with this whole ordeal. Fumbling through my pockets, I grunted as my fingertips finally touched the smooth frame of my phone.

I was done.

_**I tried to do right by you, to not be an asshole. However, since you rather play games and don't seem to care at all, I'm giving up on caring, as well. The engagement is off. - E**_

It was funny, but the moment the text was sent, I felt lighter, as if I could stand taller. Not by much, no. A tad bit; barely enough weight lifted off my shoulders for me alone to be noticeable. Another baby step in the right direction.

"What is that smirk for?" Without losing a beat she snatched the digit right out of my hand and, before I had the chance to take it back, nimble fingers moved over the screen and she proceeded to read the text to Jane. "You stupid moron, what have you done?"

Reaching out, I took back what was mine and put my cell back into my pocket. "Only what should have been done a long time ago. Or better yet, I ended what shouldn't have been to begin with."

"Oh my God, you really lost your damn mind! You and your fucking selfishness, don't you care for anything or anyone but yourself anymore? And what about the family name, about the Cullen reputation? What about Jane? You are taking this back right the fuck now, or I swear you'll regret ever having -"

"What? I'll regret the day I foolishly agreed to be part of this farce?" A droplet of her spit had landed on my cheek during her rant and I wiped it away, holding her gaze as I did so, meeting and returning the daggers she shot my way. "I don't love Jane, never did and never will. Hell, I'm not even sure I like her all that much! We only met a few times and, pleasantries aside, we hardly ever talked. I don't know anything personal about her; she might as well be a complete stranger to me. You can't expect me to sign my life away like that, none of you.

I had exactly two reasons for agreeing to that fake engagement: one being the naïve belief that, with him getting that one last thing he wanted, Carlisle would finally feel something resembling pride for me. Not actual pride – we all know that I'm too much a disappointment for not turning out to being the model son and architect that Emmett is. No, that train is long gone and I accepted that. I was so convinced that, by doing that for him, I'd be less of a failure in his eyes."

I realized that I had overstepped that thin line, that I had opened up to much and let her see too much of me, but there was no turning back now. It wasn't that I was actually scared of her, I was just so fed up with all the mindfuckery and games people around me felt like playing. What was done was done though, and I might as well finish it once and for all."As for the other reason—and this is the turning point—I agreed because I had nothing left to loose. Back then, being a Cullen was all there was to me and honestly, I simply didn't care. But now..._everything_ has changed and I downright refuse to go back to this play-pretend life and emptiness. I won't."

Fire was raging in her eyes. "Spare me any more of your fucking sob stories, Edward, I'm not interested. You are ruining everything, intentionally sabotaging us all! And for what – just so you can play "house"? Obviously, you're not caring for your family anymore, but what about Jane, hm? Have you ever stopped to think how it will be for her, how humiliated she will be?"

"Who's being dramatic now? People don't care as much about us as you like to think, you know. If at all, it's me they're going to run their mouths about and I couldn't care less about it." I rubbed my palms over my eyes. The high from earlier was gone and I felt exhausted. "And no, this is not me trying to sabotage or ruin the precious Cullen name and family, this is me getting my life back; me regaining control over it. If that is selfish in your eyes then I'm sorry but, so be it.

As for Jane... Jane will be fine. More than fine—happy and relieved, really. Rather than having to live in an loveless, basically arranged marriage, she is now free to find herself a man to fall in love with and marry for the right reasons."

As I studied her face, it almost seemed as if Alice was lost for words. From her furrowed brows to her chewing the inside of her cheek, I could tell that the wheels were spinning in her head. I was trying to figure out whether that was from absorbing my words or from sorting her thoughts, when she blurted out the last thing I thought I'd hear her say, nor wanted to know.

"She's in love with you!"

"I don't need this." As cold and unfeeling as it sounded even to my own ears, it was the truth. "Why are you even telling me this, and now of all times? Even if that's actually true, it doesn't change a thing."

"Do you think I would make that up?" She sounded honestly affronted.

"Do you want an honest answer? Yes, Alice, from experience I know you would stoop so low to make such a thing up."

Her nostrils flared and her chest heaved as she took a deep, audible breath. "That may be so, but in this case it is the honest truth. Edward, Jane is in love with you and has been for a long while now. You turning her down is going to kill her."

I was surprised by the amount of compassion she showed for her friend. "What do you want me to do, huh? Throw my life away just so your friend can have her...'fantasy'" fulfilled, so that _she_ can be happy? Is her happiness more important to you than mine?" I wasn't even sure I wanted to know her answer to that last question.

"Yes. When you risk to trade everything you and we as a family have in for some second-hand trash, when you're about to throw everything to the gutter because you lost your goddamned mind over some far-fetched notion that you are better off without us, I have to question your sanity. I think you are going through some kind of 'quarter-life-crisis' right now; a phase that makes you question everything you have done in your life, and where you stand in it. However, instead of packing a bag and travel the world to see what else is out there on the journey to 'find yourself', you feel you have to do the complete opposite and burrow down in some inconsequential shithole to play Daddy. Maybe, you are even going to enjoy it for a while, but that phase will pass and you will realize that this 'working-class' kind of life is a pile of shit. You will realize that you have potential to achieve so much more than the likes of Isabella Swan not even dare to dream of, that you are destined for more and that you regret having wasted precious time to see that.

So, when you are coming back to where you belong with your tail between your legs, Jane may have already moved on... As you see, you'd be best advised to take my advice and spare yourself the trouble, since it is pointless to even go there."

"I'm not going to come back, Alice. My stuff is packed, the apartment sold, I exmatriculated from college and I said my goodbye's earlier this evening. I'm relocating on the West Coast and for good. I've made my decision, and if it turns out to be the wrong—which I highly, sincerely and absolutely doubt—then that's my problem; not yours, not Esme or Carlisle's and least of all Jane's. So _you_ can spare yourself the trouble of giving me any more of your speeches, it's pointless."

The sound that erupted from between her lips was as disbelieving as the look on her face. "You lying bastard! There's just no way...you can't!"

I was surprised to see her so truly passionate about my decision. Never before had I seen her showing that much compassion for anybody then herself. In the past and under other circumstances, if there weren't so much at stake for me, that fact alone would have impressed me enough to possibly change my opinion. "I have to more weeks to clear the apartment."

For a second, it seemed like she was going to hit me; her hand even darted forward, toward me, but a mere inch away from connecting with my chest, she pulled it back again.

Risking a glance at the driver, checking to see how far the poor man was from kicking us out, I realized that we were only a few minutes away from the airport. Only a few more minutes away from my temporary freedom.

"You moronic son of a bitch." And gone was the fire from before; gone was the Alice that showed actual feeling; _the_ Alice Cullen was back, as cold and distant as ever. The Ice Queen had returned to the game. "Well then, you just dug your own grave. I hope the little whore is worth it."

"This has nothing to with Bella." At least not directly. "And stop calling her names, for fuck's sake!"

She continued as if she hadn't heard me; staring straight ahead, posture stiff. "There will be consequences for this. Carlisle will disown you and rightfully so. And don't think I will be there to welcome you back with open arms when come back, grovelling and with your head bowed in shame. You'll regret ever having had that pathetic notion of being better off with them than where you belong, and I won't be there to pick you up." She wiped an imaginary tear from under her eye. "In fact, nobody will be there, but I guess that's exactly what you want, yeah? Lose your family, your identity and life, to be all on your own in misery, until the end of your pathetic life."

The last time I had despised her as much as in that moment, lay years back. "And that right there...how can you be so-? Maybe I don't want you to be in my life anymore. Not now, not at any point in the future - at least not when you are like _that._"

The cab was slowing down, about to pull up near the entrance of O'Hare. Our little trip was coming to an end; our time together was coming to an end. Despite all the resentment I felt for her that very moment, that realization also left me feeling heavy around the heart. It was a strange sensation; one I could have lived without.

"You know, in a perfect, normal world I wouldn't have to choose, there wouldn't be a 'us' or 'them'. You insist on referring to us as a family, when I doubt you even understand the concept of it. Rather than caring about the family _name_, we should care about each other; instead of the demand for success and to outshine one another, there should be support. In lieu of reveling in the assumed failure of a family member—even if you don't necessarily agree with what they are about to do—, you'd want to see them succeed and be fucking _happy_."

The car had come to halt and I was fishing for my wallet; not quite done with getting things off my chest, but mentally already one foot out of the door. "Is this what you pictured your life to be like? Are you satisfied with everything in and around it? Are you happy? Do you ever wake up in the morning, grinning and sighing because you just feel so content? Because honestly, I don't think you are."

Plucking a wad of bills from my wallet, an additional fifty dollars in tips included, I handed them over to the driver. He seemed more surprised by the amount of extra money than by my family's drama. But then again as a taxi driver, he probably saw and heard more fucked-up stuff than I could imagine.

One hand at the door handle, I addressed my cousin one more time. "In my judgment, people who actually are, they don't go around finding pleasure tearing others apart or pulling them down. And do you know why? - because they are too busy finding pleasure in what they have, too absorbed cherishing and reveling and sharing their joy with the world, than wasting even one thought on making others feel miserable. When you have everything you feel you need, you simply don't go around and begrudge others to claim the same entitlement."

Her face was blank, hardened. Spine straight, she sat as rigid as a stature. She was staring straight ahead at the back of the driver's head, not moving a muscle. "You need to grow up, Alice. Throwing temper tantrums whenever you don't get your way—or rather, _until_ you get it your way—may have been tolerable when you were a kid, but you're a twenty-four year old woman now, and it's not cute. High School is long over and your little minions won't follow you forever. Stop wasting your time and energy playing puppet master and tend to your own life! I don't want any of your negativity and hatefulness around my daughter and that's why, until you fix your attitude—and you can forward that to Carlisle and Esme as well—I really don't want you anywhere near her. That little girl is my life now and if you can't accept that, then there is no more room for you in it. Think about what I said, but until then..."

I waited a good minute for a reply, examining her face for any hint of emotion, but neither came. "What, aren't you talking to me anymore?" Except for jutting her chin out defiantly and squaring her shoulders, she stubbornly stared straight ahead. It's not that I was expecting much anymore, but her need to hold on to her little games wasn't only disappointing, but in a funny way it also hurt.

"Yeah, I don't have anything left to say to you, either."

Only the click of the heavy door as I opened it broke the silence inside of the car. Once again attacked by the cold night air, I hastily slammed it shit again and stood before the trunk to get my luggage, way before the driver had made it there to help me. I knew Alice never left the house without money and her precious plastic cards on her, so there was no need to worry about her not being able to pay for the ride back.

Without another glance back, I grabbed my backs and made my way toward the entrance of O'Hare.

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><p><strong>AN: I'd just like to thank everybody reading, reviewing and favouriting this story! I always try to reply to every review I receive, but with the last update, I feel like I left a few out. However, that didn't happen intentionally - it's a bit dificult to keep track on which comments you've already replied to and which ones still left unanswered over here. Just know that I appreciate every single one of them!**

**A little more Edward coming up with the next chapter.**

**Happy weekend, everybody!**

**-Sue**


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